New experience
by iam97
Summary: What if neither Prim's nor Peeta's name was picked? What if they never went into the games? What happens when Katniss decides to pay Peeta back for the bread? Rated T because the Hunger Games series are by no means a K. *Sequel 'The Storm' is up now!*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So, this is one of this if Peeta and Katniss hadn't been reaped stories.  
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**It had stuck in my head for a while, and I finally decided to write it, because I couldn't stand it being in my head the whole time.**

**This won't be perfect, since I'm German and English is not my mother tongue, so there will be spelling and grammar errors, please tell me if you find them. I also might mix British and American English, so please don't be angry with me.**

**Please read and review and I will read and review your stories.**

**Edit: To all those who have already read this story: It was brought to my attention that I can't use the text from the book, so I re-wrote this part. That is all that has changed, otherwise there is nothing new.  
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**Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Hunger Games, and obviously, I don't own the story with the bread either.**

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><p>Chapter 1:<p>

I look up when I feel two eyes boring holes into my back. I don't know why I do, I just feel it. Hunter instincts, I guess. I turn around to find a pair of blue eyes staring right into my gray ones. The cheeks of their owner turn pink when he notices I'm looking back and he looks away.

That's not new. I caught this boy staring at me a few times now. If only I knew why. I don't even know him. Only a few things about him. The boy's name is Peeta Mellark and he's the baker's son. He is in my year, too.

But most importantly, the thing that makes me remember him, this boy is the boy with the bread.

It was early spring, usually my favorite time of year, when I first met him. April. Usually that may have not been early anymore, but the winter had been cold, long and merciless.

It wasn't what had token everything; the life I knew, my happiness and above all, my father, away. It was a mining accident. He had been...kind of everything to me. Now, all I had left were my little, seven year old sister, Primrose, who wouldn't be any help, who was sweet, young and fragile, who would cry when I did, and my mother.

One should think a mother would be there for her children after what happened, but mine wasn't. We had gotten money from the state for a month, a month in which she had been supposed to mourn and find a job, so she would have been able to feed us. But she didn't. She would sit there, on the sofa, and stare. Where to, I didn't know. She had been in some dark world, where neither Prim nor I had been able to reach her. I had given up on trying after a week or so, but Prim was still begging her to help us, to come back. In vain.

I hadn't been able to stand this image of misery presented by my home, so I had gone to the market, and until a few minutes ago, I had been trying to sell some of Prim's old baby clothes, without success. Clutching my stomach, trying to dimish the pain the hunger inflicted upon me, I dropped them. It was raining and they landed in a puddle, but I didn't care. I didn't want to bend down and get them, because I feared once own, I wouldn't be able to get to my feet again.

Death was waiting for me, with its long fingers, just above me, waiting for the right moment to grab me. It was close, and I knew it. I would eat anything I could find now. Rotten. Mildewed. Desiccated. I didn't matter to me. Everything was better than this piercing hunger.

I would steal. Stealing is forbidden in District twelve, punishable by death, but I was as good as dead either way, and if they didn't catch me...we would survive a little longer, maybe until March 8th, until I was finally old enough to take out tesserae.

That was when a trash bin crossed my view. They were fair game. I was allowed to take whatever humiliating food it may give, and I was fine with that. We were desperate enough; better eating food that wasn't good anymore than starving. So I lifted the lid, only to find my hope shattered. It was empty. Had just been emptied.

While I was staring at the clean bin, asking myself how merciless life was, after all, I smelled fresh bread, the scent of it coming from the window of the bakery. It was like a drug to me. Automatically my hand stopped moving, my nose started taking the rich smell of something I needed so desperately in. Only thinking of the golden loaves, the feeling of the filled stomach I could get with them, leaves my mouth watering.

Right in that moment the door cracked open and the baker's wife stormed out and started screaming at me. Ugly, scathing words. She asked me if she should get the peacekeepers to take care of me, or if she should do that herself; screamed how much she hated 'seam brats'. I had no defence, felt smaller and worse than ever before.

I was placing the lid back on the bin when I saw him; a blond haired, blue eyed boy. He stood right behind his mother and was looking at me. I didn't know his name, although I recognized him as a boy in my year at school. His friends were all merchants, so why should I?

His mother must have decided I was not worth her attention, so she went back in, still huffing. Of course I don't know, but now I believe he must have been watching me while I was making my way to the apple tree behind their pig pen.

That's where I broke down, where I knew I would not go home. I couldn't face my family with their hollow cheeks and chapped lips, not without food. We were doomed, and all I could do now was waiting for death to finally come and release me from the cruel grips life had on me.

The voice, the baker's wife, was screaming again, and it was followed by a blow, although I didn't knew whom it was directed at. When I heard footsteps, I thought she was just practicing, so she wouldn't miss me when she would come to drive me away. But I was wrong.

It wasn't her, but her son, who was being yelled at. Obviously, he had done something, because his mother was shouting at him, cursing him. I soon saw why, too. He had two loaves of burned bread in his arms. The blow had been directed at his cheek, a big, red welt showing it.

The door closed, and the boy procceeded to the pen. He turned around, making sure his mother wasn't watching, and then he tossed them in my direction. The two loaves, I mean. Then I went back into the house, without looking at me.

I clutched them to my chest and run home. It was the first day in month we'd had enough to eat, the first day in month I could see at least some life in my mother's eyes and some happiness in Prim's.

The next day, at school, I wanted to thank him. I waited the whole day for an opportunity. But when, at the end of the day, our eyes met, I dropped my gaze, embarrassed, and I didn't. Because my gaze fell on a dandelion. The first dandelion in the spring. And that was when I remembered all the things my father had told me about survival.

_To this day, I can never shake the connection between this boy, Peeta Mellark, and the bread that gave me hope, and the dandelion that reminded me that I was not doomed._

_(~The Hunger Games, pg 32,Suzanne Collins)  
><em>

That's the first thing that comes to my mind when I look at him. And it fills me with guilt. Because, every time I think of him, I think of that day, too:

No, I can't shake the connection. But I haven't even thanked him yet. I always like to think that yet, because it sounds like I was going to do it someday. Say thank you for his kindness. We'd have starved without it. Without the bread. Sometimes I think I could just go over to him and say thank you. But then I think, that maybe he's forgotten it and move on to more important things. Like hunting for my family.

Until now, it has never occurred me that maybe this might be the reason he's staring at me. He does this quite often. But he never did it before that very day. Maybe he's still waiting for the thank you.

But then again, why should he? Why should he care for the thank you after so many years? Why should he even remember? Why would it matter to him? He just helped one girl among hundreds. He saved her. Me. But we don't know each other! He doesn't care for me. Right?

Though, I feel like I'm owing him. For saving my, and most importantly, Prim's life. And I can never pay him back. I hate owning people.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts. They drift off to Peeta Mellark quite often the last days. I don't know the reason. It must be that still owing him. And he…maybe he's just eyeing the rude, strange, district known huntress. Yes, that has to be it! Nothing else!

I shake my head again and make my way to Prim and I's meeting place under the willow in the school yard. The willow. I stare at it the whole day while sitting in the lessons and don't paying attention to the teacher telling us how wonderful the Capitol is. Or how important and interesting coal is. In my opinion, the willow is the most beautiful thing in this school. The only kind of beauty, really. Everything else is just like everything in District 12 is. Grey. The school building is old, friable and covered in dust. I hate it. Because of coal, my father died. Coal and the Capitol. The two things I hate the most. No wonder I'm not paying attention in my school periods.

Prim comes up, chattering aimlessly with her best friend Rory Hawthrone. That makes me smile. A rare thing for me to do, but it's just to fitting. My best friend is Gale Hawthrone. My younger sister's best friend is Gale's brother, Rory.

Prim smiles when she sees me and gives me a hug. "Hey, Katniss, how was school?" "Like always, little duck." I say, referring at her blouse that slip out of her pants. "How was yours?" Her eyes light up. "Oh, it was great! I drew a picture of you! Do you want to see it?" She smiles at me and I can't help but smile back. Prim's just too cute. "Of course!"

She shows me a picture of a girl with dark hair and grey eyes. Her hair is braided, her eyes are the ones of a fighter. She's wearing dark pants and hunting boots made of leather. And a hunting jacket, a bit to big for her. In one hand a bow, in the other an arrow, ready to load the bow and shoot.

She looks strong. Strong and, dare I say beautiful? And this is supposed to be me?

Before I can say anything I hear a "Wow" from the side and turn around. As soon as I do I see a none other than Peeta Mellark, but he isn't looking at me. His eyes are fixed on Prim's beautiful picture. Prim has turned around, too, and is beaming at him. "Do you really think so?" He smiles at her. "Yes, it's really good. Only…may I?" He asks and pulls out a pencil.

I don't know what he wants to do, but Prim seems to. "Ok…" she says and hands him the picture. Before I can even react, he's already taken it and is now perfecting the drawing. A shadow here, a crease in the clothes there and after half a minute it's perfect.

He hands it back to Prim, who's staring at it with an open mouth. I can't blame her. The picture, even before very beautiful, it now seems to be living. You can almost feel the wind blowing through the hair, almost feel it's cold and you wouldn't be surprised if the girl, me, started moving and shooting an arrow at you, that's how real it looks.

"Where did you learn that?", she asks, bringing me back to reality.

"I frost the cakes in the bakery. I gu…". His isn't able to finish his sentences, because Prim interrupts him. "You do? I love them! They look so amazing? How do you do that?"

He smiles at her. "I can show you, if you want. I'm supposed to do one on Saturday, you know. For the wedding of the older Cartwright girl, Lydia. You could help me. If you're allowed, of course…", he says, looking at me. Prim tugs my sleeve and looks at me with her puppy dog eyes. She knows I can't resist now.

I grunt. "Fine."

Both their eyes lighten up and Peeta says: "You can come too, you know?" Before I can answer Prim has that pleading look on her face. "Yeah Katniss, please. You never do something just for fun. Please come!"

Oh, I hate that look. Prim can convince me to do anything by just looking at me with that eyes. But I can't. I have to go hunting on Saturday. I mustn't do anything "just for fun". We have to survive! "Katniss, I know what you are thinking right now. Listen! We won't starve because you take one day off. Gale does that, too, you know, and neither he nor his family have starved!"

I'm still not convinced. "What about your mother?" I'm now talking to Peeta.

Prim looks like a merchant, with her blonde hair and blue eyes, but I am undeniably a girl from the Seam. And I know just how much this witch hates "Seam brats". Those words just remind me of owing Peeta. I could say thank you now, but somehow it just doesn't seem fitting. Maybe I should go on Saturday…but the witch.

"She won't be there. She's going to help to prepare the wedding.", Peeta interrupts my thoughts.

Oh great, now I'm out of arguments. "Oh well, fine, I'll come.", I say. Prim cheers and hugs me and then, to his surprise, Peeta. Peeta hesitates at first, but then he returns Prim's hug.

"Soooo, till Saturday, I suppose?", he says.

"Yeah, till Saturday!", Prim smiles. Peeta smiles back. He then smiles at me and I nod at him.

Yeah, till Saturday…

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><p><strong>So, what do you think? <strong>

**I know, the bakery thing has been used before, but it's so tempting because Prim loves the cakes Peeta frosts. And i wanted it to seem real. I know Katniss agreed very fast, but first, she does trust Peeta, at least a bit, and second Prim trusts everyone and wants Katniss to do it so, yeah, it's just the only way Peeta'd be able to talk to her.**

**Without Prim as** **matchmaker** **they wouldn't talk to each other. But i promise the bakery scene will be different from others. The whole story will be.**

**Oh, i'm talking to much again. Please review and tell me if you like it!  
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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to micmic022, LivingReminder, Kari _(Wouldn't think of it. I don't think she would take them anyway, so why do it?)_, HungerGamesLover1020, IwouldKilForaCheeseBun _(nice name, I understand you;) I hope you like the length of the chapter. Oh, and I'd never give up)_, lovetheboywiththebread1 and DandelionOnFire _(Yes I do know you and since I'm the same as "97", I guess I'd be a hypocrite if I was bothered by long reviews;) And thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it)_**

**So, I promised this would be different and I'm not going to brake my promise. But I wanted you to know the stories I read were "Unfolding" by hgfan1111, "Love At First Song" by TacoBelle (and sequel) and "Even Without the Games" by booksandblades (am I the only one that waits for her to update?).**  
><strong>If there are other stories I do not know them, so any similarities are NOT on purpose and I can't stop them from happening, because well, I do not know this stories.<strong>

**And what happened in the first chapter would have happened if there hadn't been other stories, too, because this is what I think would have happened.**

**Other than that, I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own the Hunger Games, because if I did, Finnick would still be alive and Peeta would have recovered faster from his hijacking.**

Chapter 2:

Today is Saturday. Today is the day I've dreaded and looked forward to. Dreaded, because today I'm, according to Prim, doing something I haven't done in years. Since my father died, actually. Maybe she's right. Doing something just for fun hasn't been in my life since I started being the head of my family. So, naturally, I'm a bit scared.  
>But what frightens me the most is not this fact. Nor is it that I won't be able to hunt today.<p>

It's that I'll finally be doing what I should have done years ago. Today I'm finally going to say thank you to Peeta Mellark. Now, you'd think it doesn't take much courage to do so. It's only two words, really.  
>But to me, it's so much more than just two words.<br>To me, it's telling him he saved the thing most important to me: My little sister's life.  
>To me, it's finally swallowing my pride. <strong>(AN: Originally I wanted to use a German proverb, but it doesn't exist in English and that's what comes closest to it. I think it's fitting though)**  
>To do what I should have done in the school yard when our eyes met.<br>To me, it is making myself vulnerable. And that's something I'm not used to do.

The last point is what I'm fearing the most, I guess. I've never been one for talking about my feelings, even when my father was still alive and I was more carefree.

But I was looking forward to it, too. Because of Prim of course. She is very skilled and deserves to have this happiness. She admired the cakes for so long and I know how happy she is about trying to do one herself. With Peeta's help, so it'll be perfect. It's for a wedding, after all. And they pay much for it. But no money on this earth will be enough for the look on her face when she sees how they admire something she's created.  
>I've seen it before, when mother came back from her dark own world, after my father died. On this day, it was the brightest ever.<br>But I've also seen it on normal occasions. When lady licks her cheek. When buttercup cuddles up to her. When someone compliments her, like two days ago, when Peeta told her how beautiful her picture was. And I'd always do anything to see that look, full of life, reminding me why I have to keep going.

I'm also looking forward to it for the same reasons I'm dreading it. Except the last one of course.  
>But I'll finally have this burden, this guilt lifted off my shoulders and heart.<br>I'll finally be able to look at him without this guilt bubbling inside.

Of course, I can never fully pay him back. What Peeta Mellark did that day five years ago can never be forgotten. So much kindness can never be returned.  
>But if I at least say thank you and offer to do something to him, maybe someday I'm going to feel like I tried my best to pay back. That I did what I could.<p>

I'm aware I could make a complete fool of myself. There's a chance he doesn't even remember. It can't have been that important to him, can it? So why should he?  
>But why would he be watching me if he didn't? My argument from two days ago, that he might watch me because I'm the "famous" huntress seems silly now.<br>That'd be a reason for watching me once. Maybe twice.  
>But not for sneaking glances at me over five whole years. The only logical explanation is that he remembers.<br>Anyway, I'm going to thank him today, whether he remembers or not . I've waited long enough.

I get up and the first thing I do is brushing my teeth. I always liked doing this, because I feel so refreshed after it. And that's one of the things that are never going to change.  
>The sun sets, the sun rises. No change in probably millions of years.<br>Eat and be eaten. Never going to change.  
>And after you brushed your teeth you feel refreshed.<p>

I like things staying the way they are. If they always did, there wouldn't be any Hunger Games. So many children would still be alive. My father would still be alive.  
>But simple things, too. Like going hunting in the woods with Gale every day. But that did change, too, because he is now working in the mines.<br>Or Prim never turning twelve. She already is thirteen now, but I wish she would've stayed eleven forever. So she didn't have to put her name in the reaping ball.

I do not allow myself to think about this too often. After all, I live in reality.  
>We've got the burden of the Hunger Games, my father and this children are dead and Prim is thirteen.<br>And no amount of dreaming or wishing will change that.

So I let the thought drop. It's not important, anyway. I start washing myself. Usually I'd do this later, since there's no point in washing before hunting.  
>But I'm not going to go into the woods today, so I can wash myself now.<p>

Prim's up now, too. She smiles at me as I start drying my hair: "Good morning, Katniss. You didn't forget what day today is, did you?" How could I?  
>"No, of course not. You kept reminding me every five minutes the last two days.", I challenge.<br>She giggles.  
>"What? I didn't want you to forget! Especially since I know how much you love forgetting to do things for yourself."<br>I glare at her half-heartedly. She knows I'm just concerned. I don't want her to suffer, let alone starve. But for some reason she thinks I should be more outgoing. Though she knows that's not me.  
>But Prim, because I wanted her to, is a bit naïve and thinks the world can be a good place someday. Of course she isn't stupid, she knows how evil the Hunger Games are, she knows how evil our president is. But she, unlike every other person in the districts, believes there has to be something good in everyone. Even in Snow.<p>

"Oh, shut up. Is this a conversation about me needing more friends again?", I ask.  
>"Maybe…", Prim says.<br>I sigh. Naïve. "Prim, this isn't going to get us food on the table."  
>"No. It's about you being happy. Katniss, you deserve to be happy, too!" I know she thinks like that. But I am happy. At least as happy as I can be. I'm able to keep Prim alive. I go hunting with Gale. I've never been reaped. What else can I expect?<br>"I am happy Prim. Besides, I'm going to the bakery with you, aren't I?"  
>She has no arguments, now. She sighs. "I suppose."<br>I grin. "See?" I poke her in the ribs. "You have to accept it. There's no use in reasoning with me. I always win."  
>She sighs, then gives me a glare. "Some day I'll win."<p>

With that, we drop our conversation. We eat breakfast, some Seam bread with cheese from Prim's goat, until Prim hops up and says: "We have to go now!"  
>She puts on her shoes and a jacket, since it's march and still a bit cold. I don't hurry. Like I said, or thought, more like, I didn't like to make myself vulnerable, so I was trying to spent more time dressing than I usually would.<br>Prim rolls her eyes. "Come on Katniss. You promised and there's no going back now."  
>She's right, of course. Still, I dawdle a bit.<strong> (AN: I'm sorry if "dawdle" isn't the right word, that's what my dictionary told me, but it's supposed to mean you don't do something as fast as you could do it. I hope it's the right word)**

But eventually, I have no excuse to do something any more and Prim drags me out of the house and into town. Well, more like she hops and I walk after her.  
>I know how exited she is and that is the main reason I agreed to let her go. She loved the cakes ever since I can remember and if she gets the chance to help decorating them, who am I to not allow it? There are so many bad things going on, i can't deny her something like this.<br>The main reason I go is because I want to thank Peeta.

By the time we arrive at the bakery the streets are already filled with merchants running their business  
>and customers, the people who actually have money, buying what the merchants sell.<p>

When Prim opens the door the bell rings and I can smell fresh bread. I automatically want to get one of the soft bread which melts on your tongue and tastes so much better than our Seam bread.  
>But bread from the bakery is very expensive and I often can't afford it. So just the scent of it makes me want it.<br>One of the Mellark brothers is standing at the counter and now looking at us: "Welcome to the Mellark's bakery, can I help you?"  
>Oh. I didn't think that one of Peeta's brother would be here, too. I don't even know his name. But I guess he won a wrestling contest a few years ago. Peeta was second.<p>

Not that his name would matter. But what am I supposed to tell him?  
>We want to see your brother, he said he'd let my sister help frosting the cake?<p>

I don't know how much this boy thinks like his mother, but I, only because that is the normal case, assume he thinks we Seam kids are worthless and if he thinks like that, he won't be to fond of us helping with the cake.  
>Before I can say anything, Peeta, dressed in a blue t-shirt, jeans and an apron, comes out of the back, where the ovens are, and tells his brother:<br>"It's okay, they're here to help with the cake. I told you how talented the blonde one is? She is really good at drawing and I can use her help!"

His brother gives Peeta a strange look but says nothing about it. But I can guess where this look comes from.  
>I've seen Peeta's cakes about the years every time Prim dragged me to the window of the store. They are brilliant. Perfect, really. Why should he need help?<br>But it's a good reason why Prim and I are here. Well, it is the reason. Officially. But my reason is to finally thank Peeta.

"Peeta!", Prim exclaims and runs over to hug him. He laughs and hugs her back. "Hey Prim."  
>After she lets go of him, he looks at me and smiles. "Hey Katniss. How are you two?"<br>"We're fine", Prim replies. "Can we go now?"  
>His eyes were fixed on me, but after he heard her whining, he turns his attention back to Prim.<br>"Of course. Let's get started!", he says and motions for us to follow him.

I've, of course, never been in the back of the bakery. I' only able to take a glance at it whenever I sell a squirrel to the baker.  
>But since there's a small corridor, I can only see the oven.<br>Now I get to see the whole room for the first time:

The oven I've seen is not the only one, but the biggest. There's a smaller oven, too, for cookies and cakes I suppose.  
>Both ovens are covered in dust and look a bit old. I can see the glow the fire causes in the small spaces the oven door leaves between itself and the rest of the oven. This must be the oven I smelled the fresh bread in, because now the scent is even stronger. Ah, fresh bread.<br>Then there are two cupboards, the doors slightly opened, with ingredients like sugar and different kinds of spices, from what I see.  
>Also, there are a sink and a few Tables and other surfaces in the room.<p>

Placed on one of the surfaces is a simple, round cake. Next to it is a smaller, but round too, one.  
>Next to this one is a once again smaller one. Only once have I seen something like this.<p>

It was on Madge, my friend's 17th birthday. It was a two-story cake, almost too beautiful to eat. Made of chocolate.  
>Everyone who knew the Undersees was invited to the birthday. And I turned out that not only Madge is my friend, but her mother was a friend of my mother, too. So, naturally, I was invited.<br>Since I'm not important I didn't get a whole piece for myself, but one to share with my family.  
>Of course I gave it all to my mother and Prim, but they insisted I get at least a small bite.<br>It was the best thing I ever ate.

And three cakes that are going to be a three-story cake later, is now on a table only a few feet away from me.  
>It doesn't even have it's glaze yet, but it looks so delicious I want to eat it right now.<br>I know I can't though.  
>Next to it are a metal rod, to hold the three cakes together later, I guess. Three white plates with ruffles at the sides and a hole in the middle. For the metal rod, if I am right.<br>Also, there laying is a…what is it? A note book? And a pencil. Are they going to draw what they'll do first?

Peeta clears his throat, not only to catch my attention, but Prim's, too. My little sister has been staring, too.  
>"I know you want to eat them right now, but I don't think the bride and the groom would approve. It's for their wedding, after all", he says.<br>I blush a bit. Was it that obvious?

Prim has blushed, too. But she says "When do we start to frost it?"  
>Peeta laughs. "First, we have to plan it. I saw your picture on Thursday. I want you to use your fantasy<br>and draw a picture of this soon going to be three-story cake. Only one prerequisite. These…" he draws two little white swans out of his apron pocket "…little guys have to fit."

Prim's eyes lighten up. "Really? You want ME to design the cake?"  
>Peeta chuckles. "Of course! I'm sure you're going to do an amazing job! A wedding cake is rather a girl's thing, anyway, don't you think?"<br>Prim laughs and even I smile. For a different reason though. He's fully figured out my sister. How to make her laugh, how to make her happy.  
>"I guess", she says, still giggling. "Will you help me though?"<br>Peeta nods. "Yes, but I want you to do the first sketch. After all, this is the first cake you design. I want it to be fully how you would like it."

Prim beams at him. She hugs him again. "Thank you! I'll do my best!"  
>He smiles at her. "I know you will. And it will be beautiful, too."<br>And with that she grabs the notebook and begins sketching.

Peeta comes over to me. I am nervous again. All of sudden, I realize how stuffy and hot the air is and I start sweating. But like I said, that is not the only reason. Now is the perfect time to thank him. But how do I start?

And once again, I don't have to.

Peeta smiles at me and asks: "Do you see how happy she is? Are you happy you allowed her to go?"  
>I nod. "Yes, thank you."<br>"You're welcome." He looks at Prim again.  
>This is it. This is my chance. Now is the perfect time. If only I could just blurt it out. Come on Katniss, say it already!<p>

"And…" I trail off. Katniss!  
>His attention is now back on me. He observes me closely. "And…What?"<br>I swallow hard. Come on now!

"And…thank you for…the bread." He looks confused. I knew he doesn't remember. I shouldn't have brought it up.  
>"What bread?", Peeta asks. But then, before I can say my never mind, I see a look of remembrance cross his face. "You mean…"<br>He trails his sentence off, too. So he does remember.

And suddenly, the words come flowing out of my mouth.  
>"Yes. I mean this bread you gave me five years ago. When we were eleven and I was starving. On this day in January. You saved me and my family! I know I should've thanked you back than, but I didn't. I'm sorry for that. I now I should have thanked you before but…I didn't…I mean, I couldn't, I… I don't know." Great Katniss, start stuttering.<br>"But…I owe you. So much, I…"

This time, it's not me that interrupts. It's Peeta. He looks upset, but his words surprise me.

"No, you don't owe me. Really! It was the right thing to do. The only thing, actually. It doesn't matter. So you don't owe me anything."

What? Doesn't he understand? Of course I do owe him! I start yelling.

"Yes I do! Didn't you listen? We would have starved! Died! You…you saved us! To me, it did matter! Still does! You got beaten! You…no one could've blamed you if you hadn't done it and…!"  
>He interrupts me once again. He's yelling now, too.<br>"I would! I would have blamed myself, knowing that I was able to help and didn't do it!" And then he adds, his voice lowered now, and so quietly I almost don't understand it: "I couldn't have let _you_ starve."  
>That makes me stop talking. How he emphasized the <em>you<em>.  
>Why me? That doesn't make sense. What is so special about me that he couldn't let me starve?<p>

"What?", I ask, my voice barely above a whisper now.  
>"Never mind.", he says, though he sounds a bit shocked. He obviously didn't intend for me to hear it.<br>With that, he goes back to Prim, who is watching us now.

"Is everything okay?", she asks.  
>For some reason, I don't want her to know about this…how do I call it? Fight? No. Argument? Yes, that sounds better.<br>So, before Peeta can even attempt to respond, I answer:  
>"Everything is fine. Don't worry!", and give Peeta a we-will-talk-later look.<br>Wow. Today is the first day I really talked to him properly and already I'm giving him this look. What is happening…?

"How far are you with your sketch?", Peeta, who seems to have gotten the meaning of my look, asks Prim, to change the topic.  
>Prim still looks a bit suspicious, but answers though: "I'm ready. Do you want to see it?"<br>"Of course", Peeta replies and looks at her drawing. His blue eyes widen. "Wow!"  
>I want to see it, too. But Prim gets an idea, I can see it in the way her eyes twinkle. And this idea isn't good for me.<br>When I arrive to take a glance at the sketch, she shields it from my view. I look at her bewildered.

"Prim! I want to see it, too!"  
>"Nope. You won't get to see it until it is done!", she says, with a sneaky expression on her face.<br>"But why?", I ask her. Yes, why? I'm supposed to "enjoy " myself, how Prim called it. How do I do that if I'm not even allowed to help?

"Because I want it to be a surprise, that's why", Prim interrupts my thoughts. Now Peeta's grinning at her. "That's a great idea!" He then turns to me. "You will love it, I swear! Just have a bit of patience."

I sight annoyed, but say nothing. I know Prim and she's as stubborn as I am. And I may not know Peeta that good, I know him barely, actually, but from what I know from our argument he can be stubborn, too.  
>And because apparently they don't want me to see, I cannot see anything. Well, besides the ingredients they are gathering.<br>Sugar. A lemon. And…something I've never seen before. These things are white rolls, some smaller some bigger. And I can see a knife. Why would they need a knife?  
>I consider asking for a moment, but since I know they won't answer, I drop the thought.<p>

Since it's of no use to watch them, they shield the cakes and ingredients from my view, I drift with my thoughts to the conversation I had with Peeta earlier.

He said _I couldn't have let **you** starve_.

What did he mean with that? And why did he emphasize the you? What is it about me that he doesn't want me to die? Was it just that I was(well, still am) in his year? Or is there more? But what?  
>Come to think of it, why did he even do it? After all, he could have done nothing. Like I told him earlier, no one would have blamed him.<br>This could be answered easily if it weren't for his words. If it weren't for this you.

I remember a few minutes ago when I thought I know him barely. That's not true I realize. At the moment, I feel like I don't know him at all.  
>That shouldn't surprise me. But somehow, it does.<br>Why?  
>I can add this to the list of things I don't know about him. I just can't figure him out.<br>But then again, isn't it a bit to soon to tell? I've only talked to him a few times. I can count those times on one hand.

But nevertheless am I standing here, trying to figure him out. Trying to discover his motives. Why did he act like he did? Why does he still do it?  
>Being kind, I mean.<p>

Why does he accept, even appreciate Prim's help?  
>He doesn't need it. Years of watching his cakes are prove enough. So why? Is it really pure kindness? Or is there something else indeed?<br>But what? This drives me crazy. Maybe I have to get to know him better to figure him out?

I realize where my thoughts are going.  
>Especially the last one and the one about to soon to tell. I have a feeling, that by agreeing to come here I also agreed to get to know Peeta. Something I hadn't want in years. To get to know anyone I mean.<p>

But now I want to figure him out. I want to know more, I want to understand.  
>And I still want to pay him back.<br>I realize this two things can be connected. If I get to know him I can also find a way to pay him back. And maybe, just maybe, I can find the answer to all my questions.

I'm not quite sure why this is the case. That I want this answers. Maybe because I'm naturally curious. Maybe it's the fact that he is the boy with the bread, that he is the one who helped me when no one else did. Maybe it's something else. But I guess, after today, after this short argument, the only way to get my answers is indeed to get to know him. Great!**(That's sarcastic)**

"Katniss!"  
>Prim's voice interrupts my thoughts once again. "We're done!"<br>Now she's got my full attention. Finally I get to see that cake!  
>Peeta, who holds a piece of fabric to cover the cake, waits until I'm standing right in front of it. Then he and Prim say:<br>"One."  
>"Two."<br>"THREE!"  
>With that, Peeta drops the fabric and to my view comes the most beautiful, breathtaking cake I've ever seen. And over the years I've seen a lot.<br>I feel that my mouth hang slightly open. I close it immediately. "WOW!", I say, using the same word Peeta was using earlier.

But I can't find any other words. This cake is a masterpiece.  
>Two cakes are decorated exactly the same. But, how I figured, they are all three positioned on the plates, the only thing visible of the plates are the ruffles. The metal rod is holding them together, it's placed in the middle of the three cakes hovering above each other. Well, of course not really hovering, since they are attached to the metal rod, but I don't find any other word to describe it.<br>They cakes are all frosted with white icing. On the lower edge of the cakes positioned are the white little rolls. Some more ruffles are on the upper edge.  
>Two cakes are, and now I can see why they needed the bigger rolls and the knife.<br>One of the two, Peeta I suppose, has carved the rolls. They now are shaped like white roses. The parts he cut away are now looking like individual petals. Or at least, I suppose that are the parts he cut away. They look so real.  
>But the most beautiful is the cake on the top. It's got this ruffles and rolls, too, but what really draws my attention are the two swans Peeta showed Prim. The are placed across from each other. In front of them are two small, golden rings. Of course, not real ones. But they look like they are real.<p>

"Wow", I say again. "That's perfect. How did you do it? The roses seem so real, if I didn't know you made it out of this rolls, I wouldn't believe they aren't real. What was it, anyway? This rolls I mean."  
>Prim has blushed because of my compliments, but Peeta only laughs. "It's called white chocolate. It tastes really good, here try." <strong>(AN: To Kari, I hope you don't hate me for this, I wouldn't really consider it a gift)**  
>He hands me a small piece of this white chocolate. It must be one of the pieces he cut away. Still, I'm reluctant to eat it. He sees my expression and says: "Oh, just eat it. It's only a centimeter, really. Someone will eat it sooner or later. I don't need it for the cake! And Prim and I already had a piece."<br>And because this is are good arguments and I really want to try how it tastes, I eat it.  
>It's so good, I could eat it over and over again. It tastes sweet, like nothing I've ever eaten before. We can't afford any kind of chocolate, it's much to expensive. I've tasted chocolate once though, on Madge's birthday since the cake was a chocolate cake.<br>But this is different. And I like it. I think it tastes even better than brown chocolate.

Peeta smiles. "Do you like it?"  
>"Yes.", I say truthfully. "It's the best thing I ever ate."<br>Prim laughs. "I know what you mean. I like brown chocolate better though."

Here we go again. This is the normal case. Prim is the exact opposite of me. Not only her character, but everything else, too. She loves Buttercup, I hate the ugly cat. She heals, I kill. She likes brown chocolate better, I like white chocolate better.  
>That's just the way things are and always will be.<p>

"I'm glad you like it.", Peeta says.  
>A pang of guilt flows through me. "But…I can't pay you anything for it…."<br>Peeta looks taken aback. "What? You don't need to give me anything in return. It's just the leftover and I won't need it. Besides, if you really think it needs to be paid, I have to pay you and Prim even more. After all, this was Prim's idea and she helped me. So, see the chocolate as paid.  
>But…I could pay you more, money I mean, if you want me to. After all, she did the main work on this cake."<p>

What? No! I can't! I already owe him to much. He made Prim happy by letting her help. I don't think she wants to be paid.  
>But other than that, I could never take money from him. He was the one that made sure I'm still alive and I can't take money from him.<p>

But I can't explain that with Prim still around. I want to though. So I decide to tell her to go home. I still want to talk to Peeta anyway. I'm just about to say something when Prim beats me to it:  
>"No, you don't need to pay me, I liked doing it. I wanted it. You really don't need to pay me."<br>"But….", Peeta begins but I interrupt him.  
>"No, she's right, you know? Prim, can you wait for me in front of the bakery please. I need to talk to Peeta in private. Please." I say.<p>

Prim gives me a confused look but nods. "Okay, I will wait. Bye Peeta!"  
>She goes over to hug him, then she's out of the door.<p>

Peeta sighs. "Is this going to be about that owning thing again? Please, believe me, you don't owe me anything."  
>How can one person be this stubborn? I sigh, too.<br>"Yes Peeta I do. I do owe you! Can't you understand? You saved us. We would have starved without you." I don't know why it is so easy to talk about it now, but somehow, it is. The words just come to me. "And I want to pay you back. I'm not the kind of person who can leave a debt unpaid. I want to do something. I can't pay with money and I don't know how I can, but maybe I can do something for you.  
>I know, no matter what, it'll never be enough, but…I just want to think I did at least try to pay you back.<p>

Peeta considers this for a long time. His expression reveals nothing and he runs he fingers through is blond curls. After a long time he finally says:

"Ok, If you really want to pay me back that badly, then take me out into the woods!"

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><p><strong>For everyone who wants to see that cake, here's the link:<strong>

.de/imgres?imgurl=.&imgrefurl=.com/%3Fp%3D1388&usg=_RRXllZ3kOxUl8iGicDyzAmypAeE=&h=500&w=362&sz=99&hl=de&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=qKb9oFq3pOGqUM:&tbnh=168&tbnw=122&ei=l6LOTrvyDoOcOvq7qbMK&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dzweist%25C3%25B6ckige%2Bhochzeitstorte%2Bmit%2Bschwan%26um%3D1%26hl%3Dde%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26hs%3DSrL%26rls%:de:official%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D856%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=192&vpy=300&dur=356&hovh=193&hovw=140&tx=125&ty=140&sig=107191979780325834262&page=1&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:6,s:0

**You won't understand the language on this website, since it's German, but the only thing that matters is the cake, anyway. I posted this link cause i'm not too good with describtions.  
><strong>

**If you want to thank anyone for this chapter, thank Suzanne Collins for writing the Hunger Games, and Hans Zimmer, Lebohang Morake, Elton John and Tim Rice for composing and writing the music and lyrics to lion king. My brother was watching it and so I was listening to the music while I was writing. And, believe it or not, it kinda inspired me.**

**Sooooooo, what did you think? I really hope you liked it, I had so much work with it! But you see, the bakery scene is different from those three stories above, right?**  
><strong>After writing this, I went back to these stories to check if there are similarities, but I at least didn't find any(besides the fact that they are in a bakery).<strong>

**And what do you think will Katniss' answer be? There's only ONE way to tell me!**

**REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you to HappyBlossom, IwouldKillForaCheeseBun, Kari_(I'm sorry, I really wanted to update yesterday, but everyone wanted something from me and the chapter wasn't done, so the short time I had I used to write, but didn't finish. But now it's done:D)_ and Percabeth4711 for reviewing.  
>The four of you really made my day.<strong>

Every time I see how many people out there are actually reading this, I'm so happy, I could squeal.  
>And when I get a review, I actually do, I squeal and am almost crying because I'm so happy.<p>

So please, to make me SUPER happy, read, enjoy and review!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins does.

* * *

><p>Chapter 3:<p>

_"Ok, If you really want to pay me back that bad, then take me out into the woods!"_

What ever I expected, I don't know. But not that. My jaw drops:  
>"What?"<br>He looks at me and repeats it slowly:  
>"I want to see the woods. I want to go outside the fence." And then he says something that surprises me.<br>"I want to feel free."

Of course that's what I think, too. When I'm out in the woods. It's the only time I can feel free. The only time I can smile a true, careless smile.  
>But Peeta has never been out there. He can't know how it feels. He can't think it's worth it. I mean, his life has always been better than mine.<br>He's never gone hungry, he's always gotten food on the table. Bread. Good bread, I might add.

So why would he want to risk his life? Because that's what he does if he goes behind the fence.  
>I have a reason. I have to feed my family. And the only way to do this is hunting. And since there isn't much to hunt in our district, I have to go into the woods. Have to slip under the fence.<p>

Have to defeat the Capitol.

Because this it what we, Gale and I, do by going behind this fence. By leaving the district, even if only for a few hours. But Peeta doesn't have to.

"But why?", I ask.  
>"Why? I already answered this. Didn't you listen? I want to feel free.", he says again, giving me a strange look.<br>I shake my head. "No, that's not what I mean. I mean, why would you want to risk getting caught?"

He locks our eyes. "I…I feel trapped. I know you go out there, hunting. And I want to know what it feels like. I mean, I've never been in the woods. But I always wanted to. I wanted to see them. I want to know what it looks like when the light falls through the leaves and how it sounds when millions of them rustle. How the earth out there crumbles in my hands. And so many other questions would be answered. Is a lake out there? What do living animals look like? Is there a clearing or are there only trees?

But how am I supposed to know if I've never been out there? I want to…I don't know if you understand that, but I want to hold the beauty. I want to paint it. I want to show it to persons who can use some beauty in their lives. Do you understand?"

Wow. I've never thought like this. And certainly never spoken like this. I immediately look around, making sure no one heard him. Because what he said was a crime. But no one seems to have hear it. So, it's ok and we won't get arrested.

Though what he said was dangerous, I guess I can follow him. Not completely, of course. I understand why he would be curious. And I do understand the wish for freedom. But…beauty? I've never seen the forest as beautiful. Wonderful and to escape reality for a few hours, yes. But beauty?  
>I don't care about beauty, usually. But now that I think of it, the forest is beautiful. But still, to risk his life for beauty and curiosity? Isn't that a bit…crazy?<p>

"A bit. But…still, your life's at risk. I don't know. Would it really be worth it?"  
>Even more important, do I want him out there? I barely know him. But then again, who would be hurt? No one. It's not like I own the forest anyway.<p>

He shrugs. "I don't think we'd get caught. And even if, old Cray is far to keen on his turkey to arrest you. It'd would be like not…using one of this women for him. You know, the one that stand in line in front of his house every winter. He couldn't live without his turkey or his 'fun' for that matter." he shudders at the last words.

No one likes how he is treating the women of this district only because they have no money. How Peeta phrased it…that was a nice way to describe that Cray, the head peacekeeper, practically rapes the poorest women of the district.  
>The women that aren't like me. The ones who can't sell meat. The ones who have to sell their bodies for some money.<p>

"So he won't arrest, let alone kill you. And since I'd only be out there with you, he won't kill me either." At the end he has a content look on his face.

I see how that makes sense. But still, I do have some doubts.  
>"What about your parents? Wouldn't your mother kill me? If she knew about me making you break the law?"<br>He is grinning now.  
>"What?"<br>"We could tell her you seduced me."  
>Now I don't have an answer. My mouth must hang open again. Does he really mean that?<p>

"Oh Katniss, I was only joking. But seriously, you worry to much. We don't have to tell her. You don't even have to take me out there. But it's the only thing I want that you could give me. I mean, I can't ask you to stop the Hunger Games now, can I?"

Of course he was joking. Gale's like that, too sometimes. Teenage boys, I suppose.

But what really makes me prick up my ears is that I don't have to take him there. Yeah, that's how this conversation started.  
>I wanted, still do, to pay him back. And since this seems to be the only way to do so, he's right of course, I can't stop the Hunger Games, I decide then and there I will take him. I've never done that before. Well, I took Prim once or twice, but that was different. She's my sister.<p>

"Peeta.", I say slowly. There's no going back now. I'm going to take him. I'm not going to feel this guilt forever. "I…I will. Take you into the woods, I mean. If you want it so badly."

My words have an immediate effect. His eyes lighten up and he beams at me.  
>Great. He's got the same expression Prim gets when she's happy. It's like I just told him Snow is dead and the Hunger Games have stopped forever.<p>

But I only told him I would take him out into the woods. Something I do every day.

Nevertheless, I get this look. And something inside me wants him to always look like that.  
>So carefree, so happy, like nothing bad is going on. Like we live in a world without Hunger Games, without hunger, without a sickness worse than a fever. Without dying before you are at least eighty, without anything bad.<p>

A smile like the one my father smiled.

"Thank you Katniss. So much! This is…you have no idea how happy I am."

He looks like he is about to hug me, but he doesn't. That's better, I guess. I'm not like Prim, I don't hug just any person. I'm not used to being touched by anyone but my family.

"But you have to wait a bit. I still have to hunt. Next week our Easter break will start. Then I'll have a bit more time."

His smile doesn't fade. "Of course. Believe it or not, I have to work. So Easter break sounds good. I think I can take a few days of then."

"You have to work?", I ask, stupidly. I should have figured it, but I didn't. Until now, it never occurred on me that town children have to work, too. But now that I think about it, it makes sense. I'm not at the bakery to often, but even I have seen Peeta or one of his brothers behind the counter. I just never thought about it.

"Yes, of course.", he answers. He doesn't say anything else, but I can see he thinks about something. Just as I'm about to ask him he says.  
>"It's getting late. And Prim is waiting. You should go now. I'll check my schedule for the break and tell you when I have time on Monday. So…till Monday?" He makes it sound like a question, but we both know he's going to talk to me then.<p>

"Yeah, bye", I say and, because I don't know what else to do, wave him goodbye.  
>He smiles back.<p>

Then I make my way to Prim, ignoring the curious glance of Peeta's brother. He can ask Peeta if he wants to know. Though I don't think Peeta will answer him.

"What happened?" Prim wants to know the second the door of the bakery closes. I roll my eyes. That's just so Prim. She doesn't even let me time to catch my breath.  
>"Nothing", I say. Well, that's not a lie. "I just wanted to thank him for letting you help."<p>

Prim doesn't know about the bread incident and for some reason, I don't want her to. This moment five years ago is only Peeta and I's moment. No one else needs to know.

And with that she drops the topic and chatters about cakes and frosting the whole way home.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I could have left it with this, but because I found this so short and am sick anyway, so I can't do anything else. I decided to write more. So, that's the next day and Katniss will talk to Gale, because I can't not let him take part in the story. It wouldn't be interesting.**

* * *

><p>When I awake the next morning it's really early. Today is Sunday. I almost smile at the thought. Almost, because I never smile.<br>Today I'm seeing Gale again. Since he started working in the mines I only get to see him once a week.  
>I have to hunt alone during the week. So of course I was looking forward to today, finally hunting with my hunting partner again.<p>

I dress in my hunting clothes, boots and jacket, put my hair in it's usual braid, take my bag and make my way outside.

The moment I do I feel the wind blowing. Not very strongly, but I can feel it. It's just a cold breeze.

As I slip under the fence I find myself smiling. It's early spring and I can not only see, but feel it. It's one of my favorite days. This time is the time of the year where it isn't cold anymore when I wear my hunting jacket. In the winter it's so cold with it. The jacket is made of leather, so it is windproof, but it's unlined.  
>In the summer, it's almost to warm to wear it. I often sweat in it. But that's not the only reason I like the early spring.<p>

It's because now the snow has almost completely molten. And it's like President Snow's regime is melting a bit, too, now. Because right now we at least don't have to be reminded of the Games. Don't have to worry about them.

It's because the first flowers are blooming. And that reminds me of this day five years ago, when I picked the first dandelion in the spring.  
>And that makes me think of Peeta.<p>

And suddenly, there's so much more I notice. I hear the birds are singing again. Once I'm fully hidden behind the trees I see the sun shine through the leaves and I hear the leaves rustling.  
>All those things he talked about yesterday.<p>

My tensed muscles automatically relax and I walk faster. I feel the smile on my face.

Then my and Gale's meeting place, a nook in the rocks, comes into view. And, sure enough, Gale does, too.  
>He smiles. "Hey Catnip. Long time not seen, huh?"<br>I smile back. Gale is one of the only persons I smile at. I'm not a very trusting person. It took month for me to trust Gale. But he's my best friend now.

"Yep, seems so. How was the work at the mines?"  
>Gale makes a face. Like me, he doesn't like the mines. They killed both our fathers. We are very alike, in many points.<br>We both had to become the head of our families and to feed them since we were young. I was eleven, he was fourteen. By the time we met I was twelve.

We look very alike, too. Same black hair, same olive skin, same gray eyes. Seam look. He is handsome though. I know the girls at school talk about him a lot. But somehow, Gale is oblivious to them.

Not that I mind. Girls only distract him from working and hunting.  
>I don't know why he is like this, though. He told me he wanted to have children someday. And I may not be experienced with this kind of things, but even I know to have children, he needs a woman. A wife, most likely.<p>

Somehow, I don't like the thought of Gale marrying. But it's not the kind of jealousy everyone would think if I told them, I don't think.  
>I just don't want to loose my hunting partner and best friend.<p>

"Ah, it was awful. I'd rather not talk about it. How was your week? Did you miss me?", he teases.  
>"Ha, ha. My week was okay.", I tell him. "Nothing much happened."<p>

He frowns slightly, as if he expected me to talk to him about something, or tell him something and lifts a brow.

"Really?", he asks.  
>Now I'm confused. I mean, this was a week like every other week, too. Besides the fact that I finally thanked Peeta for the bread and made a promise, but Gale doesn't have to know that. He, too, doesn't know about the bread thing and I don't want him to. Just like with Prim.<br>"Really.", I say.

He gives me a confused look. Confused and…angry?

"You sure? Because I heard this week wasn't like others for you?"

What? What is he referring to? He can't know about the bakery visit, can he? And even if, what would it matter? To him, I mean? Why would he care?

"What are you talking about? What did you hear? And who told you…whatever is the reason for this…interrogation?", I decide to ask him. I don't want to play this stupid game.

Now he gets angry. Why? What have I done? And why won't he tell me? I get angry, too.  
>"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about!", he hisses. "I.."<p>

He's about to continue when I interrupt him. I'm getting impatient.  
>"No. No I don't! Would I ask you if I did? Would you finally tell me? What is your problem?<p>

"My problem?", he shouts. "Well, since you don't find it necessary to talk to me, I don't think I'm going to answer you!"

"What? What didn't I tell you? And even if, do I have to tell you everything? Do you tell me everything?", I am shouting now, too. I'm frustrated. How can one person be this stubborn?

"Yes, usually I do. At least you know my "friends" first hand. And don't get a complete shock when suddenly someone asks you what your best friend is doing in the bakery! For hours!", he hisses the last part again.

Okay, now I'm utterly confused. Who would ask Gale that? And why? To who would it matter?

And, that's what he's upset about? That I didn't tell him Prim and I are going there to help decorate the cake? Well, Prim, I was there to thank Peeta, but that's not important at this point.  
>But that's it?<p>

"I didn't know I have to tell you everything I do. But fine, yes I was there with Prim. We helped to decorate the cake for the wedding today. Okay?"

His face seems to relax the slightest bit. "Nothing more? But why? I didn't know you can decorate?"

I can't. Not that I ever tried. But I decide to play along and pretend I was frosting. It's not really lying, is it?

"Yeah, Prim dragged me there", I explain.

"Since when does Prim know the baker's son?", Gale asks.

Oh, is it this important? Why does he care? And why does he call Peeta "the baker's son"?

"He's got a name, you know? Anyway, that's not important. I have no idea.", I realize this is true. Maybe they've met before. I mean, Prim does trust everyone and is nice to everyone, but she didn't say anything about not knowing Peeta. And now that I think of it, she didn't seem surprised when he commented her picture on Thursday.

"Why do you even care? I mean, it's not like I keep track of who you visit, do I? And by the way, who asked you that?"

Yeah, now I'm interested in his answers. And I am even more because he starts blushing. And Gale Hawthrone never blushes.

"Well…er…", he stutters.  
>"Well?", I press.<p>

"Mellark's brother did. He asked me. I don't know. He said you had been in there with him while your sister had been waiting outside. And he wanted to know…what was going on between, the two of you. Well, I want to know, too." He says this all in a rush.

I don't fail to notice how he still doesn't use Peeta's name. But what really draws my attention is the "what's going on" thing. Why would anyone think so?

And then I notice: What else should Peeta's brother think? Most likely, he doesn't know about the bread, either. So, if I stay in there with Peeta for about…how long has it been? Fifteen minutes? Twenty? I don't know. What I know is that someone who doesn't know about the bread…could get the wrong idea.

But Gale does know me! He knows I don't want this kind of relationship with anyone. That I don't want children. So why should he think like that?

"What? Gale, you know perfectly fine I don't want a boyfriend! There's nothing going on of course! I only went there because Prim brought me there."

"But what were you doing while Prim was waiting outside?"

Of course he would ask that. But I can't tell him the truth. But again…is that really a lie?

"I…we were talking!". Great Katniss! Stutter! Now he's going to believe you!

"Aha, talking. For fifteen minutes? Come on Katniss, don't lie to me!"

Now I get angry again. Why does he think I can't be in a room with someone for fifteen minutes just talking?

"What do you think we've done, huh? Come on, we did talk. But…I don't want to tell you about what. Is that okay with you? I promise it wasn't about you!", I say as calm as possible.

I don't want to talk about this. It's none of his business and I'm tired of arguing with him. I just want to hunt.

But Gale doesn't drop it. "Since when do you have secrets with anyone?"

"Oh Gale, it's not important. I just don't want to tell you!"

"But why? You don't even know him! What could you talk about with him that you don't want to tell me, your best friend?"

I sigh. "It's complicated, okay? He helped me once and I wanted to thank him. Can we drop it now?"

Gale seems to notice that he won't get any more answers, so he nods, even if it seems a bit reluctant.

"Come on, let's hunt.", I say.

And with that I grab my bow and my quiver and start looking for animals. After a few minutes he follows me.  
>He gives me a strange look though. But he doesn't say anything about it. Not today, but I have a feeling this wasn't the last time we talked about it.<p>

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><p><strong>Nope, I don't think it was. Anyway, what do you think?<strong>  
><strong>I hope Gale wasn't OOC, but I don't really think so.<strong>

**By the way, tell me if you think anyone is OOC, because I don't want them to. I want this to be realistic.**

**Anything else…yes. I don't think you'll have to wait too long for the next chapter. I'm sick, so I have plenty of time to write.**

**And while you wait, you could…let me think…oh yeah!**

**Review! Please**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you to DandelionOnFire_(, I don't mind, , I understand you, 3.(about the characters) That's my intention, I have the HG and CF laying here so I can work with them, in MJ isn't much I can work with)_, CharmChaser_(exactly my thoughts while writing this)_, immahappybear, elisemellark , IWouldKillForaCheeseBun_(he,he, I'm happy at least you can be happy about my sickness;))_, Hunger4Books, Personable_(thank you so much, that would really help me. I know my English isn't perfect and I really want to improve it)_, Labramon and Amanda332czx_(god thank you so much, I am so happy. And about Gale…if I said something now it wouldn't be interesting anymore)_ for reviewing.**

**I know I have this on every beginning author's note, but it's important for me to let you know how happy your reviews make me. And because I got 9 amazing reviews on the last chapter, I decided to update today!  
><strong>

**And it's so crazy how many persons out there are reading this! I even know a new country name.**  
><strong>I'm so happy, I could burst! Thanks!<strong>

**Sooo, to make me happy (and update) again, READ and REVIEW!**

**I don't own the Hunger Games!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 4:<p>

It's Monday. Peeta wanted to talk to me today. And he has to, because I want to know when I will finally be able to pay him back.

But I haven't even seen him yet.

The problem is that I'm already on my way to Prim and I's willow. That means school has already finished. And I don't know what to make of it. I was so sure Peeta would talk to me.

I don't exactly know why this upsets me. It shouldn't. But I really want to thank him. And if I don't find him I cant even ask him when he has time. So what do I do?

I sigh. Nothing, I guess. I will just try to find him tomorrow and ask him.

Argh! Why do I even think about it so much? Am I really this obsessed with the idea of paying him back? Or…

No. I shake that thought from my head. I don't even need to think it. Let alone consider it. I may want to get to know him, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to befriend him, does it?

No, it doesn't. I want to pay him back, to get my answers and then…what?  
>Go back to ignoring him? Somehow this doesn't seem right.<p>

I shake my head. Now is not the time to think about that. I can do that when the time has come.

By the time the willow comes into my view, Prim is already there, waiting. She's talking to someone behind the tree, so I can't see the person.

When Prim sees me, she quits talking to the person. She comes up to me and hugs me. "Hey Katniss. What were you doing? We waited nearly ten minutes for you to show up!"

She gives me an accusing look.

We? Who is…? I'm just about to ask her this question when the person she was talking to steps from behind the tree. It's Peeta.

"Peeta!", I say.

He smiles. "Hey Katniss. I was looking for you all day, but I didn't find you. You weren't even in the cafeteria."

That's right. I had forgotten my book in a classroom and I went back to get it. But when I tried to get out of the room again the door was locked. Since there weren't any open windows and I didn't want to destroy one, I decided to wait.  
>When lunch was over, a teacher came to unlock the door and I went straight to my next period.<p>

I tell Peeta the story and I can see he has to hide a smile. But he only says:

"Well, that would explain that. Er…well, I wanted to tell you I don't have to work the first Monday of the break. So, in one week, would you mind?"

One week. Monday. Gale won't be around then, he has to work. So I guess Monday sounds fine.

"Yes, that'd be okay. When?"

When we go there early, I suppose I could go hunting later. This way I don't have to feel to guilty about taking a day off and can still pay for my dept. Perfect.

Well, if Peeta is an early riser, that is.

"Um, I'd say I pick you up around…8.00am. Are you okay with that?", he looks at me with an uncertain expression.

8am. Well, that's not as early as I'd usually go, but I think it's okay.

"That's good, I suppose. I'll be up by then."

I shortly consider going hunting, but I don't think that's a good idea. I could get caught up and then I'll feel even more guilty.

I hate owing people.

He seems relieved. Why? Did he think I forgot? Did he think I wanted to brake my promise. I'd never do that. He should know me better than that.

Wait. No. No, he shouldn't. He shouldn't know me at all.

But our conversation in the bakery must have done something to me. Why do I feel like he knows me? Is it the fact that I made myself vulnerable by talking to him about the incident? Or is it something else?

I'm talking to myself again. Only in my head, but it's enough to drive me crazy.

"Good.", he says. "See you around."

He hugs Prim and smiles at me and, to my own surprise, I find myself smiling back. Not as brightly as he does, only a short raising of the corners of my mouth, but it's definitely a smile. And that's very much for me.

I swear I see his eyes light up just the slightest bit before he strolls away.

Prim is staring at me with an open mouth.

"What?", I ask defensively.

She needs a few seconds to realize I am talking to her and forming her answer.

"I'm sorry. But…you smiled at him! You never smile at anyone. Why…?", she trails off.

I blush a bit. That's true, I don't. And I certainly have no idea why I did. So, the only thing I say is:  
>"Can't I smile at him without you having to stare at me as if I've lost my mind?"<p>

Now it's her turn to blush. I thought so. It's really easy to make her self-conscious. She says something, but when you find something to retort and she doesn't know what to answer she blushes.

"No.", she says. She has stopped blushing and is now eyeing me suspiciously. But she says not more about it.

We have started going home now.

She starts chattering about school and lets me tell her about the book thing again. Though I don't know why she'd find that so interesting. But since I do everything to make her happy, I tell her again.

After I've finished we are silent for a while, before she asks, out of the blue:

"What are you and Peeta doing? And why haven't you told me?"

I know perfectly well what she's talking about, but I don't want to answer her question. Because that would only lead to more questions and I still don't want to talk to her about the bread incident.  
>So I ask:<br>"What? What are you talking about?"

She rolls her eyes. She knows I know, I can tell from the look on her face. She knows me to well.

"Oh Katniss, you know what I mean. But since you chose to be stubborn, okay, I'll repeat it. What are you and Peeta going to do next Monday? And why didn't you tell me?"

I pretend to realize only now what she meant. What do I tell her though?

"Oh that…Well...",I trail off. I have to save that right now. I have to come up with something.

"Well?", she presses. Prim is usually not like me, but sometimes she is. I wish these times didn't exist. But Prim, like me, is curious. And she, unlike me, is more like other girls.

Prim does gossip, sometimes No, not gossip, that sounds to harsh. But she talks about other people. She's never hurting though, of course. She just knows about what's going on in town.

I'm only aware of yearly occasions like the New Year feast and the Reaping, but things like weddings, birthdays or even who is kissing who…I never know about that.  
>And I'm not really interested in it, either. There are more important things.<p>

But Prim does know such things. She's not like those girls who go around gossiping all day, but she's not as oblivious to this sort of things as I am.

So of course, she wants to know about my life as well.

"I'm going to take him out into the woods. I forgot to tell you Saturday. I'm sorry. I guess I was just tired. So, it's not important.", I tell her in a rush, hoping she doesn't want to know more. But, being Prim she wants to know more.

"You are what? Since when do you take people out there?" She's obviously surprised.

"Why do you want to know? Do you mind?" I still don't want to tell her, but she is making it very difficult for me.

"No, of course not. He's so nice, I like Peeta. Why shouldn't I? Do you?"  
>What? Do I what? She can't possibly be asking me if I like Peeta, can she? Only one way to find out:<p>

"What do you mean?" I ask, hoping she won't answer what I think she will.

She rolls her eyes. Again.

"You are either slow on the uptake today or you don't want to answer me. I think it's the latter. But you can tell me everything, you know? I can keep a secret."

I know that, of course. That I can trust her. And I don't trust many people. But that doesn't matter at the moment. This isn't about trust.  
>It's about understanding. Understanding what that bread meant to me. How much I still owe Peeta for it. And I don't think anyone could understand.<p>

So the only other person on this world who knows about it is Peeta Mellark, the boy who gave me that bread. Who, in some way, does understand.

But could say all of this, but she would only understand half of it, so all I say is:  
>"I never doubted that. But you didn't answer my question. What do I?"<p>

That's good to change the topic a bit again. I don't want to talk to Prim about trusting. I trust her. She trusts me. That's all there is to it between the two of us. And I have to say I'm thankful for that.

Prim is the only person on this world I'm certain I love. Sometimes, that is the only thing I'm certain of. What would I do without Prim? Without this knowledge?

I don't know the answer to that and I don't think I want to. But know is not the time to think about that anyway.

I'm still waiting for her answer.

"I wanted to know if you like him.", she says, sighing.

Ok, this was her question. And not okay, because that is a question I don't really want to answer. Not only not answer her.

I don't want to answer myself.

But considering Prim asked and is expecting an answer, I guess I have to ask myself that very question.  
><em>Do<em> I like Peeta? I don't know.

Okay, a bit easier for me. Do I _dis_like Peeta? Well, the answer to this question is easy. No. No, I don't dislike him. How could I?

The few things I know about Peeta are that he is really kind, stubborn and that he has a weakness for beauty. And that he is inquisitive. Not in a bad way. He's just…eager for knowledge, I guess I could call it. Well, for someone I've only spoken to a few times, that's pretty much I know.

And those things aren't bad, either. I can't blame him for being stubborn. I'm stubborn myself. The other things about him can only be good. Though I don't understand the whole beauty thing.

How can he care for beauty if there are so many things he could care about. This really is a weakness.

A few seconds ago I thought I know him a bit. Now I think again. I don't know him. At all. I've already thought about this in the bakery. There's no use in thinking about it again.

But I don't have answers for his intentions, his motives, why he is the way he is. Come to think of it, I suppose that's the reason I want to get to know him.  
>I want to understand him. But because I don't, it's interesting for me to get to know him. Otherwise, no matter how much guilt I'd feel, I wouldn't do it.<p>

Sure, I'd pay him back. But I'm not sure if I would take him out into the woods though. And I certainly wouldn't want to get to know him.

But all those things make it hard to figure him, his personality, out. So he is interesting. And I want to get my answers. Because I, too, am inquisitive. And curious about his answers.

But does that mean I like him? The answer is that I still don't know. So I answer Prim exactly that. That I don't know, I mean. Not all those other thoughts.

She nods understanding. "I know you don't like to let people in your life. And that's what you'd do by liking him. But Katniss?"

That's a question. I don't know why, but she seems to really want to have my full attention to what she's going to say next. "Yeah?"

She takes a deep breath. Now I'm really curious. "I think there's something you aren't telling me. About Peeta. Why did you smile at him? You never smile! At least not at someone you only knew for a few days."

Should I tell her? No. No, I shouldn't. But why not tell her the truth? That I don't want her to know?

I sigh and take a deep breath, like she did before. "Yeah. You're right. But…I don't want to talk about it. I don't want you to know."

When I see the look on her face, a bit hurt, I realize that sounded harsh. That's not what I wanted. That's why I hurry to add:

"I trust you and you know that. But what was with Peeta and me…you won't understand. And not because you're to young or something. I never talked about it to anyone but Peeta. So, it's no offense to you, it's just…I don't want anyone else to know, because no one would understand."

She locks our eyes. Sometimes when she does that, I think she tries to read my mind. That's what it's feeling like right now, too. Like she's trying to draw my thoughts from my mind. My secret.

Because that's what it is, really. A secret. Something I don't want anyone else to know. Usually, I don't hide anything from my family and Gale. Prim knows everything about me, just as I know everything about her.

But not that. Not what she can't, won't understand. And I know she understands I won't tell her. After all, she's a smart girl. And she knows I love her.

So she gives up, looks away and sighs.

"Ok. I won't make you tell me. But you know, you can tell me whenever you feel like it."

Never. But I don't say so. "I will." And to get the attention away from me I ask her something Gale asked me yesterday:

"By the way Prim, how come you know Peeta? Was Thursday the first day you met him?"

She smiles. "No. I've talked to him a few times before. I met him when my books fell to the ground and he helped me gathering them. Remember how he commented my picture?"

I don't think that is really meant as a question for me to answer. I nod, though. How could I forget?

"Well, that wasn't the first time he saw a picture of mine. Because among the books I dropped was a picture, too. A picture of a flower. Well, a primrose. He asked me if I had drawn it and told me how beautiful he thought it was. And he asked me if my name wasn't Primrose. I have no idea why he knew, but he did. So we talked about drawing a few times.  
>Anyway, this Thursday was the first day I saw him draw. And well, you know how the story continues.", she finishes.<p>

So it was the way I assumed it was. She did indeed know him before. And I have a feeling those two have become friends very fast. They seem to have many things in common.

Not only the blond hair and the blue eyes they have, but their personalities, too. They both draw. They are both kind and friendly and no one can dislike them.  
>And something else. Something I noticed when I was with Peeta in the bakery.<p>

It's their smile. A smile so far away from worries that you could think the world is a good place where all the people have to care about is that don't get bored.

But that's not true. And I know it. That's not reality and I live in reality. Where I have to worry about starving and being killed, where the only reason for my death is fate.

And because I want to stop thinking I say a see you later to Prim, grab my father's jacket and slip under the fence.

When I go hunting, I usually don't think. Usually I only feel the adrenalin pulsing through my veins, feel my muscles tense and relax when I use my bow. Usually I let reality go and concentrate on shooting.

But this time I think about next week. And that I'm going to take Peeta here.

* * *

><p><strong>That's it. Chapter 4!<strong>

**I know this isn't the best chapter and it's short. I don't like it so much myself. But I didn't want to just jump from meeting to meeting because I think that's boring and…weird. **

**So I thought why not make a little sister talk? Well, I did it mainly because I thought I had to have a bit Prim. Since Katniss didn't have the after Games thing and the two of them obviously have a very close relationship.**

**But since I never really got Prim's character, other than the things Katniss said and I think she underestimates Prim, I decided to write a chapter with more Prim. So you know how I think about her. **  
><strong>And remember, Prim is thirteen and even though it's quite a while ago that I was thirteen, I don't think she's oblivious to the things going on around her. She isn't five and clueless.<strong>

**Ugh, that was much, but I wanted to say that.**

**Next Chapter will be about Katniss taking Peeta out into the woods. I will have lots of fun writing it!**

**Make me happy and REVIEW! It really makes me write faster!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks to DandelionOnFire_(Really? That'd be great)_, Kari, elisemellark, LivingReminder, HungerGamesLover1020, CharmChaser_(It was shorter than the other ones. And about Prim, thank God, I'm glad I…how did you phrase it?…nailed her. I really wasn't sure about that)_, Happy Blossom, Amanda332czx_(I'm glad you think so and *grin* hug Peeta? Who doesn't want that ;D)_, Kiss Peeta_(here is more)_ and I3hungergames for your reviews. They really mean a lot to me! Danke!**

**I really hope you like this Chapter, because I do.**

**Tell me if you do, read and review!**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own them…**

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><p>Chapter 5:<p>

I hear a knock on the door of my house. Finally.

Wait, where did that finally come from? Why should I think finally? It's only Peeta, who is here to go into the woods with me. This way I can pay him back. After five years. Yes, it's definitely about time. That's where the finally must come from.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts before I open the door. There standing, just how I expected, is Peeta Mellark. Blue eyes looking down at me. He brought a bag, in which I think he is carrying his painting equipment. The bag isn't big. Not that this would surprise me. Even though his parents are merchants they still don't have so much money. And a paint box is expensive. Very expensive.

"Hi!", he says, smiling at me. "Hey.", I say, a bit awkwardly.

Usually, meaning the last week, there is always Prim to start a conversation. The last time we were alone, I knew what I had to, no, wanted to say. But now…

He clears his throat. "Can we…you know…go now?"

My mind stops drifting and I nod. "Yeah."

Relived that I have an excuse to turn away for a second I grab my father's hunting jacket and put it on. Feeling a bit better now, I turn to Peeta again and say: "Sure!"

I step out, closing the door behind me. "This way", I point at the meadow in the direction where the loose stretch in the fence, the one I always crawl under, is.

Peeta is watching me. "Is that leather?", he asks, meaning my jacket I guess. "Yes.", I answer. I've always been proud of this jacket. One of the last memories of my father. "Why?" Why would he want to know?

He shrugs. "Just curious. But if you'd sell it you'd get lots of money." This words hurt. But that's not Peeta's fault. How is he supposed to know about the connection between my father and this jacket.

"I'm sorry.", he says. What? Why does he apologize? Does he know? He answers my unspoken questions before I can say anything. "You looked hurt", he explains. "I guess there's something about this jacket. Don't worry, you don't have to tell me?"

Should I? I could at least tell him I'm not mad, because he seems to think I am. "No, no, it's okay. My father owned this jacket. I don't think you knew?" It's meant as a statement, but it comes out as a question.

"He died in the mine accident five years ago, didn't he?"

Well, I think that was my fault. Bringing my father up. So I guess I can answer this, too. I'm not even sure it is a question. I nod.

He watches me with a sad expression. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up." He shakes his head.

What? Now he's blaming himself. But it really isn't his fault. He didn't blow up the mines. And all he did was asking me about the jacket. I sigh.

"It's fine. But can we talk about something else?" I ask. I really don't want to talk about my father.

His face lightens up a bit. "Of course. So, how do we get out of the district?"

When he asks that, I feel my mouth form a smile. Out of the district. How much I love this sentence. Because I know how he feels. Trapped. I think even if I wouldn't have to feed my family, I'd still go out there. Just for the sake of feeling the freedom.

"There.", I say, pointing to the now visible opening. He lifts an eyebrow and looks at me questioningly. "What?" I'm confused. What didn't he understand?

"I don't want to be rude, but how am I supposed to slip through this small opening?" Oh, I didn't think about that. I guess I assumed he would fit through this hole because Gale does.

But Peeta has broad shoulders. They must come from carrying sacks of flour over the years. I've seen him lifting hundred-pound sacks on the market.  
>And from wrestling. If I remember right, he was second in the wrestling contest a few years ago. Only beaten by his brother.<p>

I shortly wonder why I would know these things about him. Seems I have paid more attention to him  
>then I thought over the years.<p>

"Um, I don't know. You could try. If it doesn't work we can still try one of the wider ones."

He looks relieved. "There are more?"

Did he really trust in this fence this much? Did he really think it protected our district well?

"Of course. This thing isn't at all stable. If the animals wanted to, they could easily destroy it. But for some reason, they don't."

I assume it's because they are animals and don't think like human beings. But I don't really care, since they don't try.

Peeta only nods. "Good."

We now have arrived at the loose stretch. I pause a second to make sure the fence isn't humming with electricity. That doesn't happen often, but I'm always prepared to hear it. Because when the fence is live, it's deadly.

"What are you doing?", Peeta asks. Of course. He doesn't know. I have to remind myself that he isn't doing this every day.

"I'm checking if the fence is safe." He doesn't ask for further explanations. I think he understood. The whole district knows this is supposed to be electrified.

And it's also supposed to scare animals away. But Gale and I think that this isn't the only reason. It's also supposed to trap us here. To stop people from leaving the district.

But at the moment there isn't any electricity. If it wasn't for the peacekeepers we could technically all run away now.

Of course I know this thought is foolish. They would never let us survive. I suppose they would destroy district twelve just like they did with thirteen.

"It's safe!", I tell Peeta. "Would you mind giving me that bag?"

I want to take it while I slip through the fence. I'm smaller than he is.

"No" He gives it to me without hesitating. Hm. Obviously he trusts me. Well, of course, he wouldn't have come if he didn't. But what makes him trust me?

I sigh. I can just enter that to the list of things I don't know about Peeta. Which is somehow growing with every minute I spend with him. Or think about him.

I take the bag, flatten out on my belly and slide under it. As soon as I'm standing again, I motion for Peeta to follow. "Come on."

He gives me an unsure look before he, too, crawls under it. And he manages. Sure, he has to lift it a bit, but after a few seconds, he's standing beside me, smiling.

"I actually did it!" Now he's got the expression little kids get when they are happy.

A content, triumphant, happy smile from deep inside. I wouldn't have thought a seventeen year old could smile like that, so innocent, so full of life and, why not admit it to myself? Cute. Very cute, actually.

And I can't help but smile back. Not as brightly as he does, but how could I resist when he beams at me like this?

"Yeah, you did it. Come on, this way." I say and whit that I head in the direction where my bow and arrow are positioned. I won't go hunting, but the flesh-eaters are still out here and won't resist two humans who come their way.

When I take my weapons he asks: "You don't want to hunt now, do you? Because I've never been hunting in my entire life and I don't think I'd be very good at it."

Well, I figured that much. Given he's never been out here I could easily tell he's never hunted. And with his loud footsteps I've come to notice, I don't think he'd be to successful.

"No, I don't. But if we cross the path of a bear or something it's better to be armed."

He nods understanding. Than he says something that I've never thought about before: "What would you do if you were thrown into the Hunger Games? Could you kill human beings as easily as animals?"

Why is he talking about this right now? I don't know. But it is a good question. What would I do?

I don't think I could. I mean…it's different. They've got a family and friends. I don't think I could do it without it leaving marks.

"No. No, I don't think so. Why did you bring it up?"

He hesitates a second. Is he afraid I will kill him? He should know I'd never do this. "Because…I don't know. But being here…I feel hope. Not being trapped forever. Sometimes I just feel how…unfair this is. How the Capitol turns children into soulless monster in this games. How they don't care what they have to do in order to survive.  
>And I don't want to live with the fear of this happening to someone I love. It's not right what they do. And sometimes, like when my friend was reaped last year, I don't know what I'll do anymore. In times like this I think that they…they have to be stopped. Somehow."<br>I stare at him. My mouth must hang open, but I don't care.

It's dangerous, very dangerous to think like that. If anyone knew…they would kill him. It's forbidden to think like that. That's criticism on the Capitol. It's more, he wants to defend them, too. I understand him, but why does he tell me? How does he know I won't tell anyone? How does he know here's no one to hear him?

Well, there isn't. This much I can answer myself. But it seems he does really trust me.

He interrupts my thoughts by saying: "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything about it. It's just this new feeling, I guess. A rush of freedom, you know?"

Yes, I guess I know that feeling. But still, how can he…? But it dawns on me that I must have been like that, too, when my father took me out into the forest. I remember how I scared my mother to death with what I said about the Capitol. Maybe it's this forest.

I notice that we've started walking. We must have walked for a while, because I can't see the fence or even my and Gale's meeting place anymore.

Of course I didn't want to take Peeta there. But I haven't noticed we went so far in already.

Peeta is walking straight to a fallen tree. "What are you doing?" I ask, confused.

He turns around and says: "I want to sit there. I like it here. It's beautiful, with all the flowers. I want to paint it."

With that he sits down on the tree trunk: "You can come over, you know?"

He pats the place beside him. I hesitate shortly, but than I go over and sit beside him. He's already taken his sketch block and is drawing what he sees.

And now that I sit here, I can see it, too.

He's right, it is beautiful. Different kind of flowers cover the floor. Mostly white bell flowers, but there are other flowers, too. Purple crocuses and red poppies and anemones. And green grass. In the background birch trees and oaks. And maples. If we had a spile, we could get syrup.

My father had spiles, but he hid them in the forest and I have never been able to find them. After a few tries I gave up. But if we had them I could sell syrup. I'm sure I would earn lots of money with it.

I watch Peeta. He's drawing and I see an expression on his face I've never noticed before. Concentrated, in his own little world.

Not a world like the one my mother was in, not a dark, hopeless world. A world of art and beauty. Maybe a world similar to the one I am in when I hunt. Maybe drawing is his hunting.

I take a look at the picture and once I do, I can't help but stare.

He obviously owns a few colored pencils, because all of the flowers have the right color. But I can only see a green, a blue, a red and a yellow pencil. Did he somehow manage to mix them this good? How does he do it? That can't be just practice. It's simply not possible. He really has got a talent.

But, what I haven't noticed before, there's something on his picture that doesn't belong there. At least it's not here. First I didn't notice, enchanted by the beauty of this picture. But now I realize there, in the middle of the picture, sitting is a girl. A girl with black hair in a braid. She's got one flower in her hand, a dandelion. She must have just picked it and is smiling at it.

It takes a few seconds before it hits me: That's me! That girl, smiling at a dandelion is me. I gasp.  
>Peeta looks up and sees me staring. "What?"<p>

"Why…why are you drawing me?" I ask, still confused and a bit shocked. Why would he draw me? And how come he can draw me this…good? I mean, the girl on the picture looks like she's just about to laugh, it wouldn't surprise me if I could smell the flowers on the picture. Once again, it just looks so real.

It reminds me of the first picture I saw him drawing. It was of me, too. Back then I didn't question why he got me so real, since Prim drew the picture and he just perfected it.

But now I don't know why he knows what I look like so good. So exact that he was able to draw me in a way even I know without a doubt it's me.

And with a dandelion, too. Why a dandelion? Can he remember how I picked this years ago…?

"Because…I'm so thankful that you took me out here. And I thought there needed to be something on the picture…" He trails of, blushing.

Now I really want to know. What was he going to say that made him blush?

"Something…Something what?" I ask. He blushes more. He has to tell me.

He looks into my eyes: "Something as pretty as you." And he gives me that smile again and it's so sweet and genuine and with juat the right amount of shyness, that I suddenly feel an unfamiliar, unexpected warmth rush through me. I blush.

I didn't expect him to say that. And what was that…thing rushing through me? "You…you think I'm pretty?" Way to make things worse Katniss. Stutter.

But then again, I have every right to stutter. Never before has someone other than Prim or my mother said I'm pretty. Let alone a boy.

At that thought brings me back to reality. No boy tells me I'm pretty. Never before. So what are his motives? Was this really a compliment? Or is there something else? Does he want something? Is he…?

But I don't get to think that thought because he interrupts it: "Yes. I think you're pretty. Is that a crime?"

Oh. He has noticed my expression. But I still don't know. "But why?" I ask. This may be a stupid question but…I have to ask him.

"Why? Because you are. Has no one ever told you?" I shake my head. No. That is what makes me doubt it. "Well, than they are certainly blind. Look at the picture. What do you think?"

He hands me the picture and I look at it. Yes, the girl sitting in the middle of the flowers is…not not pretty. Ok, she is pretty. But…does that mean I am pretty? I mean, this is a drawing. And Peeta is a really good artist, he's already proven that. So maybe he's just made me looking this beautiful with his skills.

Not wanting to talk about that anymore I decide to change the topic.

"Why am I holding a dandelion?" That was my second question and though I don't think he can shock me like this again, I still dread his answer a bit.

He looks at me. "You…I don't know if you remember but on this day…after I gave you the bread you picked a dandelion."

So he does remember. "I do. Remember, I mean. I…wanted to thank you that day. For the bread. But after our eyes met, I…" I don't want to tell him I was embarrassed, so I decide I don't need to tell him. "…I saw this dandelion and…I remembered about something my father told me. Something that would keep us alive. I should have thanked you back then." I say ruefully. Yes, I should have done that. But I didn't. That's the reason I'm sitting here today.

He looks down. "It's okay. I'm glad you remembered what your father told you. I didn't want you to starve."

That's what he said in the bakery. When he said it there Prim interrupted as I wanted to ask him. But here's nobody to interrupt. Maybe I'll get this answer today.

"Why? I mean, it was just me, no one could have blamed you?" I ask the last part, too, to make sure I get my answer.

He sighs. "I already told you. I would have blamed myself. I didn't want you to starve. Remember what I told you earlier? About the Capitol? I am a human being. I wanted to help you because it didn't feel right not to. I didn't want to be one of their monsters, letting you die just because they let your father die in their mines. And I was able to help you. So what should I have done?"

I hadn't expected this. But it does make sense…somehow. He has already told me how he thinks about the Capitol. So he did what he did…because of loyalty? Is that really all there is to it? Or is there something he isn't telling me?

I remember how he emphasized the you the last time we talked about it. There has to be something he isn't telling me. But somehow I don't think he is going to tell me now. But maybe I can…

"But your mother beat you. And you did it all for loyalty?"

"No. My father…when he was our age, he was in love with your mother. And I know he didn't want her children to die. Or her, for that matter. And I didn't want you to die either. It didn't seem right."

His father? In love with my mother? She never mentioned that. Never mentioned him, other than to praise his bread.

But because that is a rude thing to say, I only answer: "Oh, I didn't know that."

Well, at least that would be an answer. But somehow I think he isn't telling me the whole truth. And for some reason I'm not sure if I want to know the whole truth.

He smiles at me. "I didn't think you did. Barely anyone does. I'm not even sure if my mother does." He gets a thoughtful expression. "I suppose it's better if she doesn't."

His mother. Who beat him. Her own child. Who threatened to call the peacekeepers because a poor, desperate, starving, little girl was looking for something to eat in her trash. What has it to be like to have got such a mother?

"What is it like? To live with her? Does she still beat you?"

Peeta gives me a sad look and nods. "Not as often as before, though. Now that we are bigger than her. But…that's not all about her. She can be nice, too. It's just…I know she's always wanted a girl. And my father and she…they don't love each other. I don't think she has always been like that. But it has to have come from marrying a man she doesn't love. I feel sorry for her, you know?"

No, I don't know. I've never wanted to get married, and I still don't want to. So I've never thought about this situation, about how it could affect me. But I only nod.

He smiles and stands up. "Let's talk about something else. And I want to go a bit further. I want to see more.

And that's what we do.  
>He, with his heavy footsteps scares every animal away. But now, that I'm just wandering through the forest, I see so many things I've never noticed before. Peeta points them out to me.<p>

I see a beautiful clearing, covered in purple flowers. These flowers look like they're glowing. Peeta draws them. And again I stare at his art. It's as though he's taken a photo. I've never seen this clearing before but I remember the forest around it. I've never paid attention.

I see birds in the sky, but this time I'm not trying to shoot them. I'm watching them and listening to the melodies they're singing.

I remember how my father would sing and the birds would stop singing. That's how beautiful his voice was. I am a bit sad again, thinking about how easy, how carefree life was back then.

But I forget about it when I look at Peeta. He's unpacked his bag and now I see he wasn't only carrying his painting equipment, but some bread, too. Only now I realize how hungry I am. But I'm still a bit reluctant to actually eat it, because I don't have anything to pay back.

"Oh, just eat it. You can give me a squirrel free the next time you come to sell one to my father." He smiles, though. As if he had known I would hesitate. Well, I suppose he did know.

But he surprises me, though. I can't stop myself from asking: "You eat them?"

He looks at me. Confused. "Of course. What did you think?"

I always assumed the baker would eat the squirrels alone. Not because of greed. But what would his wife say if she knew he was buying things from "Seam brats".

But I only shrug. "I don't know."

He drops it and we move on to other topics while we eat. It's easy to talk to him, really. I remember how awkward it was when we first talked today. But he seems to have long since gotten over it.

I tell him about my years hunting, funny stories about my encounter with a bear and how we both wanted the honey in the tree. I tell him how Gale and I shot a deer and the people in the hob almost ripped it to shreds because they wanted to buy it.

He tells me about his work at the bakery, how he and Delly Cartwright, the daughter of the owner's of the candy store and the sister of the woman who got married last Sunday, baked little people.

"We also drew with chalk. Animals like pigs and goats. Those where the first things I painted. I tried flowers, too. Later, after a few years or so. My father and Delly always told me how good they thought they were." He tells me, smiling as he remembers the old times.

I'm smiling too. It feels a long time ago that I did something and just enjoyed it. It is a long time ago. I haven't felt like this since my father died.

It's crazy that I started talking to Peeta only about a week ago and though I can feel like that. I guess it has something to do with the fact that he gave me the bread. I know more about him then I thought I do. Little, unimportant things, but I know them.

We pack the bag and walk a bit further again. Suddenly, he stops.

"What?", I ask him. "Do you see that?" He asks quietly. I take a closer look at my surroundings. But I don't see anything. So I shake my head.

"The sunset." He says. "Do you see how beautiful it is? So much more beautiful than inside the district. Like it doesn't belong there, with all the coal and grief, but here, with trees, nature and life."

Unconsciously he's drawn his sketch book and is starting to draw the outlines.

I see what he means now. In front of us is a rock, big enough to split the trees so we can see the sky. And Peeta's right. It's a breathtaking view.

But it reminds me that we have to go now. We have to go home, so we are there before night falls.

But somehow, I don't want this day to end. When I agreed to take Peeta out here, I'd never have believed the day would be this good. And I certainly wouldn't have believed it is this easy to talk to Peeta. But it is. And I realize that I want more of this. More of discovering the beauty of the forest and just…enjoying.

I know I can't, though. I still have to provide my family. No amount of happiness can change that. Haven't I always lived like that anyway? Not doing anything but hunting and selling things at the hob? That was my life. Well, that is my life.

But something is different though. Maybe that I tried something different today. But I can't let this turn into an always.

And then there's something inside me, something that barely talks to me, that I barely let out. It's the girl that wants more than just surviving. The girl that wants to let reality go for a few hours and that wants to be carefree again. The girl that dreams.

The girl I was before my father died.

And this girl tells me that I can do it. No every day, my usual mind argues. The girl agrees, but asks why not sometimes? If I know the forest better, I have new places to hunt. Because even animals are drawn to beauty. And even if I'm not easily impressed by it, I'm still not oblivious to it.

"We have to go now." I tell Peeta, trying to shake my thoughts about that away. But Peeta doesn't allow this.

He doesn't look at me: "Yeah. But…" He hesitates. "What?", I ask him.

He looks me directly in the eyes now and says: "Is that all now? I mean, will we go back to pretending we don't know each other now that your dept is paid? Will I never see this woods again? Never feel this freedom again?"

Exactly one week ago I thought about his first question. Even back then it didn't seem right to me to just go back to ignoring him. But now it doesn't even more. Not after today.

It's not only it doesn't seem right. I don't want to. Yes, today gave me answers, but it also renews questions.

And I want to find my answers. How am I supposed to do that if we pretend not to know each other?

And with his other questions he's brought back what I wanted to loose in the first place. The question about repeating this day. And he wants to repeat this, too. The hopeful smile he gives me, with his pleading eyes, doesn't really help my reluctant side. Quite the opposite, actually. It helps the other side.

I sigh: "No. I don't think so. I…I think we could do this again."

Hey! This words came out without permission. But I guess a promise is a promise, huh? I mean I can't back down now, can I? And to be honest, I don't think I want to.

"But…you have to wait a bit. I have to provide my family. I have to hunt."

He laughs. After a moment of confusion I know why. This were the words I told him when he first asked me to be taken out here.

"I suppose that's okay. I have to work to, you know?" He grins, reminding me of his answer, the one that surprised me back then.

I can't help but smile, too. This is the reason I want to do this again. Because of this little moments where I am happy.

And then I answer, unlike last time: "I know."

His grin grows wider and he laughs. Then we make our way back home.

After we're in the district again he draws something out of his bag. A picture. He hands it to me.

"Here. This is the one I drew of you sitting in the middle of the flowers. I know this day was supposed to be a thank you to me, but I want to thank you, though. And this is a picture of you anyway. So please, take it."

I consider not taking it, but why shouldn't I? He's right, it is a picture of me. Why would he need it? And I'm pretty sure Prim would be mad if I didn't show her one of the pictures Peeta drew in the woods. So, with a sigh, I accept it.

He brings me home and thanks me again. But when it's time to say good bye, neither of us knows what to do. We stay there a few seconds, just staring at each other.

So, to prevent us from staying here the whole night, I awkwardly take his hand and shake it. "See you around, I suppose?"

He smiles and answers: "I suppose." Then he squeezes my hand gently and goes home.

I go inside and take a look at the picture once more. I didn't think of it earlier, but now I remember how, when we were in the bakery, he said: "I want to show it to persons who can use some beauty in their lives."

Do _I_ need some beauty in my life?

* * *

><p><strong>Good questions, Katniss.<strong>

**Phew, that was a long chapter. My hands hurt. But once I started, I wasn't able to stop. And I wrote and wrote and wrote.**

**Did you like it? And in this chapter, before you judge about how in-character they are, please try to remember how Katniss acted when she talked to him before the first games, where she thought he wanted to kill her. And now try to think how it would go if she didn't think like that. And then you'll get how I come to her behavior in this chapter.**

**And now to something I think you won't like so much. I won't be able to write much in the next days, because I have to study. Latin. If you learn Latin, you'll understand when I say I have to study a lot. Argh, I hate grammar! But what has to be done has to be done, I want to pass.**  
><strong>But like I said, that means I won't have much time to write, so you'll probably have to wait for the next chapter longer than usual.<strong>

**I'll try my best, though. Please make me happy and REVIEW!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you elisemellark _(see, here is the chapter! I never break a promise!)_, _(I hope I didn't spell that wrong)_, Kari _(Yup)_, HungerGamesLover1020 _(Thanks, I needed it! But I don't think it was too bad. Ok, actually it was really good;))_, IwouldKillForaCheeseBun, Diana_(thanks, I know there are errors, but they happen without me noticing and then I can't find them_), CharmChaser, DandelionOnFire _(I already told you everything I wanted to say, but thanks again)_, Kiss Peeta_(:D)_and BBree23 for reviewing.**

**PLEASE READ THIS:**  
><strong>This chapter takes place on the reaping day. I know, the last chapters took place in march, but I made a time jump. Don't worry, everything important you missed is in flashbacks, though this isn't too much, which is the reason I made this time jump. I think it would've been boring to writeread about their small talk and those sort of things while they became friends and I don't think anyone expected Katniss to run up to Peeta after two weeks and say marry me. It's Katniss we're talking about. I hope you agree.**

**And I hope you're not mad at me for bringing the games in (no, they're NOT going to be reaped, I don't want them in the arena), but the Hunger Games are 1) a big part of life in Panem and I think if I didn't let them take place somehow it'd be…weird and 2) the main reason Katniss doesn't want to get married and have children and 3) a Hunger Games fic without the actual games (except alternate Mockingjay and post-Mockingjay stories) is somehow…wrong. I think.**

**Ahh I'm babbling too much again. Just read, enjoy, review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games. Happy now?**

* * *

><p>Chapter 6:<p>

I awake to the sound of something hissing. My eyes fly open and I quickly sit up and look around. My eyes fall on an ugly, old gray cat. Buttercup. The ugliest cat in the whole world. He stares at me with this eyes that remind me of rotting squash every time I see them. He hisses at me again, then looks away.

Not that I care about this stupid mouser. But I would really like to know what I've done now to deserve this hiss. I suppose he just wanted to annoy me.

That's when I see the old, dust covered clock hanging on the wall. 7.00am. Oh. I was supposed to meet Gale a quarter of an hour ago.

I quickly dress and slip into my hunting boots. I grab my bag and make my way out.

When I arrive at our meeting place I'm out of breath. Gale is there of course, waiting. He's obviously angry…or at least very unhappy.

"Where have you been? I've been waiting for you at least twenty minutes."

He's right, of course. Neither of us has ever been late for hunting. So it's okay for him to be angry. But since I am myself I feel the urge to defend myself:

"I slept in. I'm sorry."

This comes out more snappy then I intended it to.

"Why do you snap at me? I just asked you a simple question."

He looks at me questioningly and still angry. I sigh. I really shouldn't have snapped.

"I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that buttercup woke me up. Or…"

I don't need to continue. We both know what day today is. It's the reaping. And while Gale is nineteen, and with that to old to be reaped, his brothers aren't. Prim isn't. I'm not.

But this year, this aren't the only persons I don't want to get reaped. There's someone else. Peeta. Over the past few month, we've become…friends. That's the only word to describe our relationship.

It isn't enough to call us acquaintances anymore. No. Not after all those hours in the woods. Not that we go out there often. Once a month, maybe.

But whenever we go, we stay the whole day. I always look forward to those days. Days of doing nothing, just admiring the forest and it's beauty. The last time we were out here, I tried to teach Peeta how to climb a tree.

Tried is the right word to describe it, because he is more than just clumsy. And he also fears highs a bit. I needed about an hour to help him climb the easiest tree I know. It's on the edge of the clearing covered in purple flowers, the one we found when we first went into the forest together.

We went there again, because now that it's summer, the flowers have an even more intense color. And Peeta wanted to paint them from bird's-eye-view. So I helped him up there.

But once he was in the tree, safe in the crown, he didn't want to climb down again. Maybe a bit because that'd mean he'd actually have to climb again, but mainly, at least that's what he said, because he had a perfect view.

We spent the whole day up there, eating and laughing and drawing. Well, he drew. But I like watching him while he does it.

And he drew the most beautiful picture this day. Because when we were up there and it was near sunset, a deer came to the clearing.

I was just about to shoot it when he whispered: "Let me draw it first."

And he did. Only the outlines, but that was enough for him. It already looked so much like that deer, I was sure once he was done, it'd be beautiful. Then he allowed me to kill it. I did, and I earned much money, but I almost was a bit sad to have killed something so innocent.

After I shot, Peeta started drawing it. Really drawing. I've seen many of his pictures that were good, but none of them was able to compete with this deer. I couldn't stop staring at it.

This was the second picture he gave it to me. And I gave it Prim. Because she loves animals. Since I did that, it's her lucky charm. She takes it everywhere she goes.

This are the things we always do out there. He draws. I watch. Not only him draw. I also watch the forest and it's life. We wander. I know new places to hunt. He got his answers about the forest. I even showed him how to shoot once, but he said he didn't think he'd be as good as I am. I told him I didn't expect that, after all I have years of practice, but he didn't want to learn how to shoot.

I guess it isn't in his nature. Killing, I mean. He would kill an animal if it was necessary, but he wouldn't do it just for fun. Well, I don't do it just for fun, either. I need it. But I like hunting and I don't think I would give up just because I don't need it anymore.

Gale interrupts my thoughts: "The reaping, yeah. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been like that. Not today."

"I'm sorry too. It must really be that day. I don't want Prim to get picked. Or me. Or Rory or Vick." I say. Or Peeta, like I thought, but I don't know if Gale knows about our friendship and I don't think he is too fond of it if he does. Though I'm not quite sure why. But for what ever reason, I guess it's better I don't mention Peeta.

Gale sighs: "I don't want you four to get picked either. Especially not you." He adds.

What? Not me? Why would he care more for me than for his siblings?  
>"Why?" I ask. I don't understand.<p>

He seems to want to do something, because he takes a step closer, but then he backs away and answers: "That didn't come out right. It's just because…you've got the most slips out of the four of you."

I have a feeling he's lying to me, but that's the same feeling that asks me if I'm sure I want to know the truth. So all I say is: "Oh."

He sighs again: "Come on, let's not waste our time, let's hunt."

And that's what we do. When I shoot a squirrel I smile, remembering I owe Peeta one. For the picture of the deer. Since I didn't want it to be unpaid I told him I'd pay him the same way I did last time. A squirrel.

But there aren't many animals around today, so we gather plants and strawberries. We're going to sell them to Madge's farther. He's ordered them again, as he does every reaping.

When we're done we go back to our meeting place, because according to Gale we haven't done the most important thing today. So he reaches out, picks a berry from the bush and says: "And may the odds…" He throws it up in the air and I catch it with my mouth.

I feel it's bittersweet taste on my tongue. Bittersweet like today.

Bitter, obviously, because two children of every district will be reaped and all of them, except one, will die. That's all wrong, but there's nothing we can do about it. The Capitol is too powerful. And it's even more bitter because this year is a Quarter Quell again. I remember how President Snow read the card:

"On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that they attacked the capitol unaware of what they would loose, in the arena will be no cannon firing after the dead of a tribute and no pictures will of the dead be shown to the tributes." He said this in a tone that sounds like he just came out a grave. So cold.

That makes it even more difficult and cruel, because they will kill each other whenever they meet. There will be so much more fear.

But the day is, in a bad way, sweet, too. Sweet for a reason that wouldn't exist if the reaping didn't. There will be a bunch of children safe again. The ones who have turned eighteen. The other ones, like me, will be glad they survived this year and fear the next one.

So it's more bitter than sweet. Just like this berry. It isn't ripe yet, but it tastes good, though. That's the difference. There's nothing good about the Hunger Games. But this Berry, at least it tastes good.

I swallow it: "be ever in your favor!" I say, mimicking Effie Trinket's silly Capitol accent. Gale and I share a laugh, than we make our way to the hob.

After Gale and I had sold everything we hunted, he wished me luck for the reaping and we both went home.

"Katniss!" Prim exclaims. "Where have you been?" I'm a bit surprised. I thought she knew I was hunting?

"Hunting, why?" I ask.

"Because I need your help." She answers and with that she vanishes in the house. I follow her, a bit stunned. Why does she need my help?

Before I'm even all the way through the door she squeals: "This one or this one?"

That's how excited she is. If only I knew why. But then I see the reason. She's holding two dresses up, a blue one and a red one. "Mom says I am now big enough to wear a dress."

Yes, these are dresses my mother wore when she was a merchant daughter. No wonder that she gives them to Prim now that she's old and big enough to wear them. Prim, who reminds her of everything she had, of everything good. I only remind her of the miner she married and everything she gave up and lost.

I believe she loves me, after all I'm her daughter. And I remind her of my father, though that could count for both. But I can't trust her, not after she left us. This is one of the reasons I don't want to get married. When they die, when anything happens to them, it brakes you. I can't forgive my mother though. What she did isn't forgivable. She abandoned Prim and me. And though Prim has forgiven her and I actually try, I don't think I ever will fully.

"The blue one." I say. I'm not one for those kind of things. Girl talk. It doesn't matter to me. Why should I care what anyone thinks of what I wear? It's not as though I'd shoot an animal just because I'm good-looking. Though Gale said once, to tease me I guess, that I should wear something pretty out there, maybe the animals would come to me then. "Only male ones", he said, "but who cares?" And then he winked at me.

But Prim does care, so I tell her she should wear the dress that matches her eyes. Now that I take a closer look, it's the one I wore last year, when my mother surprised me by giving this dress to me. I suppose she wants to make up for all those years.

"Thanks!", Prim says and leaves.

Mother comes in. She hesitates: "Katniss, I laid out a dress for you, too."

"Thanks" I answer awkwardly. That how our conversations always go. Not long, very polite and nothing like they were before.

But I know how much it means to her if I accept something she's offering. There were so many years I didn't, just because I was angry and stubborn. So I go to my bed and laying there is a beautiful, green dress. Green like the trees in my forest. My mother comes in, smiling.

"This is the dress I wore when your father kissed me the very first time."

That's more than just surprising. My mouth must hang open. Not the kiss, of course. But Mother never talks about my father. Never. It's an unspoken rule to her. She must really want to make up, I guess. It's confusing, though.

But she just keeps smiling. "Why are you telling me?" I ask. It's really confusing.

Her smile just grows wider. "No reason." Wow. Pretty useful that answer.

I sigh and put the dress on. Mother braids my hair, like she did last year and Prim comes in, wearing the dress. She looks stunning, so beautiful with her two blond braids and her deep blue eyes. I was right. The dress really does match them. She's beaming when she sees her reflection in the mirror. "That's me?"

My mother smiles. "Yes. Look at you. My pretty little girl." She says, ruffling Prim's hair. Prim giggles.

I'm happy. That she can be carefree like that, even today. And that she was able to forgive my mother. She's a much better person than I am. Though she'd disagree, I know she is. The healer, rather than the killer. Sure, I only kill animals, but it's killing though, there's no denying this.

But Prim, all the times I took her out into the woods and tried to teach her how to hunt, screamed every time I shot an animal, started crying and said  
>that if we hurried and brought it home fast enough, maybe we could heal it. After a few tries I gave up.<p>

Somehow, that makes me think of Peeta. I once noticed they have a lot similarities. And when I think about the hunting lessons, I find a new similarity. Peeta didn't want to hunt either. Maybe it's just that he doesn't like the bow and the arrow, but something tells me it isn't. Something tells me that he, just like Prim, refuses to kill. And that may be a stupid thing when it comes to surviving, but his morals…there is something about him I can't figure out. And that makes him a innocent, good person.

Seems everyone I know, well, except Gale, is better than me.  
>But then again, it shouldn't surprise me that Peeta is better than I am. I don't think I would have taken a beating for the life of a person I don't even know. I'm still not sure if he told me the truth about his intentions, but we don't talk about it anymore. Now that I think about it, he seems to want to avoid this topic.<p>

I shake my head. No, he doesn't, I tell myself. Why should he? What would it be that he doesn't want to talk about it? It can't be that bad, can it? He must have told me the truth, because there isn't any other reason. There can't be.

I shake my head again. My thoughts drift to him quite often lately. And the most frustrating is, I can't figure out why. Or when it started. All I know is that I do and, even more frustrating, can't stop it.

Mother braided Prim's hair again and now we really have to get going. I take Prim's hand in mine.

Though she's only got two slips in the reaping ball, I made sure she didn't take out tesserae, I can't not be worried. I just need to think about the girl from eleven last year. She was only twelve, so she couldn't have had this many slips, but she got reaped though. She died when the boy from two, last year's victor, stabbed her with a sword.

I made Prim look away when he did this. I always do, I don't want her to see this much violence though it is unavoidable.

I sigh. I hate the Hunger Games and the Capitol for doing those things to us. But I can't do anything to stop them. I don't have the power. I remember words I heard a while ago, not quite sure who said them though.

I don't know what I'll do anymore. In times like this I think that they have to be stopped. Somehow.

I don't know who said this, I assume it was either Gale, in one of his I-hate-the-Capitol episodes, or Peeta, when we were out in the woods, but I know what this person meant. It can't go on like this forever. They have to be sopped. But no one knows how. The dark days failed and we're still being punished. For something that happened seventy-five years ago. Harder than anyone that started this rebellion could have imagined. So of course we are all afraid of what the Capitol might come up with if a rebellion fails again.

So these thoughts take me nowhere.

We're almost at the square now. I'm squeezing Prim's hand even harder, because I know in a few minutes I'll have to let go. She has to go to the thirteen year olds while I have to go to the ones who are seventeen.

I know she's scared, like last year and I am bothered by the fact that I can't be there for her in the most dreaded seconds of the year. And I know she's scared for me, because I've got twenty-four slips.

But there are thousands of other names. That's what I keep telling me every reaping.

Now we've reached the square and the peacekeepers tell us where we have to go. I hug Prim one last time, wish her good luck and go to the clump of the other children who are my age.

Effie Trinket, our escort, is climbing the stairs to sit on one of the three chairs, two already filled with the Major and, surprisingly, Haymitch Abernathy, the mentor for the tributes. He's drunk though. Well, no surprise there. He's drunken every year.

That's when I feel someone tap my shoulder. I spin around with a start. But to my relieve it's only Peeta standing behind me. For some reason I'm happy he's here. He gives me a sad smile, but says nothing. Instead he takes my hand in his.

I'm a bit startled, since he's never done this before, but I don't pull back. His hand, much larger than mine, is so warm and reassuring that I simply don't have the willpower to pull it away. I can need something stable right now. So I take a step closer to him, squeezing his hand a bit.

Just then the voice of our Major resounds through the whole square. He welcomes us and starts telling the history of Panem. About the rebellion, the dark days and how the Games started. The whole story, a story no one in the entire district wants to hear, everyone knows what happened. And everyone wishes it hadn't happened.

When he's finished Effie stands up and squeals with her shrill voice: "Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be ever in your favor!"

With that she goes over to the reaping ball. That's it. Now she will decide which poor girl is going to die this year. I'm squeezing Peeta's hand so hard that I fear it might loose all it's blood, but he doesn't complain. He squeezes my hand just as hard, while I plead.

Please not my name, please not Prim's name, please not us.

Effie's hand reaches in the ball and she takes her time to pick a slip. Everyone is holding their breath, we could hear a pin drop right now.

Then she pulls out a slip. She unfolds it while I pray that it isn't mine.

"Rose Miller!"

To say I'm relieved is an understatement. There's still something I fear, but at the moment I can't figure out what. I don't want to. Because it's not me. Not Prim. I search Prim's eyes and she smiles, but it's a forced one. I understand.

How can she give me a real smile if there's someone going to be killed?

Though I don't know Rose Miller, I guess she's one of the children of a merchant, that doesn't mean I don't feel bad for her. As she makes her way up the stage, I see how weak she is. She won't make it past the cornucopia. She's crying and she is small, maybe fourteen. Effie tries to comfort her, but it doesn't work.

So she smiles and says: "Any volunteers?"

Silence. That's all to be heard. That's the usual case. In the richer districts, where it is a honor to win the games, there are often volunteers. But here, in twelve, the word tribute means something like corpse.

Effie knows that no one will volunteer, but she asks every year. She isn't even disappointed that no one volunteers. She didn't expect it.

" Well, that means you're our tribute! And what a lovely one! So pretty! Now, clap for her! Maybe she's going to stop crying then! The poor girl is so overwhelmed because she gets to be our tribute! Applause, please!"

Does she really think so? Are the people in the Capitol really that stupid, cruel and uncaring? Do they really think we like to be killed, no, murdered  
>that way? I suppose yes. Why else would they do it?<p>

I clap though. Because everyone else does. Because it's be dangerous not to. Disagreeing with the Capitol…that's the worst thing I could possibly do. Even hunting out in the woods…that's nothing compared to that. But the applause quickly dies down though. Nobody in district twelve likes the Hunger Games and what Effie just said…that's even more sadistic.

Effie smiles and announces: "And now…let's reap our boy tribute!"

And all relief I felt a few minutes ago is gone.

Because now I remember a boy who is standing behind me and squeezing my hand again. Peeta. I almost forgot about him, because of everything this Capitol woman said, but now I am reminded that he can still be reaped.

And I know that I don't want that. Like I noticed earlier, Peeta isn't a killer. He doesn't want to kill. How can a person so good and innocent, so full of life even be entered in this ball? But his characteristics aren't the only reason I don't want him to be selected for the games.

I don't want to loose these days in the forest, those days where I can be a bit more carefree. But these days won't be the same without him. I wouldn't want them then.

I clutch his other hand and hold both hands in mine, just as tightly as he does with mine. I don't know where this comes from, but when I hold his hands like this, I think I can somehow…protect him from being reaped.

Effie goes over to the ball, digs her hand in and takes out a slip.

"Johann Saddler!"

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding until now. Peeta does the same, but while I am watching him, his eyes are fixed on the boy tribute. He's got a sad, pitiful expression on his face. I can see he doesn't want this. And there's something else in his eyes. Guilt?

Why should he be guilty? He didn't start those games. There's no reason for him to be guilty.

I tear my eyes away from his and watch Johann Saddler. I don't know him, though his black hair and grey eyes tell me he's from the seam. Maybe I've seen him once or twice, but he never stuck in my mind.

He is eighteen I guess, at least that's what he looks like. I don't know how long he is going to last, but he doesn't seem as weak as our usual tributes. I don't think he's going to win though. We haven't had a victor in twenty-five years. And with the Quarter Quell rules, I don't expect him to be the next one.

When Effie asks for volunteers, no one says a word and the two are escorted to the justice building, where they will say their goodbyes to their families.

I look at Peeta again, who is now watching me. "What are you thinking?"

Is he serious? Does he really want to know what I think? About the reaping? The Games? "What are you talking about?" He has to know that talking about those thoughts is dangerous.

He quickly looks around, making sure no one hear what he said. No one did, I'm sure of it, everyone is busy being relieved and hugging their family members. But if anyone did hear what I think, I would be dead.

"I'm sorry", Peeta says. "Not the right place." I nod my head. He's right. We can talk about that somewhere else.

Prim is standing in the crowd, probably searching me. Before I can say anything, she sees me.

"Katniss!" She exclaims and runs over. Then she hugs both Peeta and me at the same time. Then I remember our hands, still intertwined and let go of one to hug Prim back.

But I don't find the will to let go of the other one. I can't. It's stupid, I know, but I fear that if I let go, he and Prim will get reaped or I will get reaped or Gale or anyone else I care for.

Wait. Did I just think I care for Peeta? Not to him, but to me? I sigh, but so quietly no one can hear me. Yes, I do care for him. I guess I can admit that to myself, I mean, I'm even calling him a friend now. But it's strange though. I'm not used to this. Letting people in. Though, I have a feeling I already let him in by visiting the bakery with Prim a few month ago.

When Prim lets go of us, I give his second hand a squeeze again and pry my fingers loose. But Peeta does something I didn't expect.

He grabs my wrist and pulls me into his arms. It only lasts a few seconds, but I feel how strong, warm and solid his arms are. Just like his hands. And when he pulls away, I find myself wishing he wouldn't.

But I push that thought away. What was that? I'm not one for these kind of things. For something physical, even if it's just a hug. So why would I wish for it to last?

Peeta smiles at me, dimples in his cheeks and I suppose a bit happy about the fact I didn't pull away. And when he looks at me like that, I can't help but smile back.

Prim chooses this moment to talk: "Hey Peeta, it's quite a while ago that we met. Would you mind visiting when the games start? I mean, if you can't, that's okay, but you told me that you always have to watch them alone and I don't really want you to."

I didn't know that. That he has to watch them alone. What does his family do? Why do they not hold together like a real family? Aren't his brothers trying to make it easier for him, like I do with Prim? But then again, they aren't as close as Prim and I. But so…nothing. Not even when it comes to the Games?

Peeta smiles, but hesitates. He looks at me. "If you don't mind. I'd like to. Really." Why should I mind? Does he think I don't want him in my house. Well, I might have thought that a month or two ago, but…I don't think it'd be that bad. He's already seen it from the outside. And I don't want him to watch the Games alone. That seems cruel.

"Of course. You can come if you want."

"Thanks." And then he adds: "I have to look for my family now, they'll be wondering where I am."

"Yes", I say. "We have to find mother, too."

He hugs Prim, promises her to come over in a week when the games start, smiles at me and vanishes in the crowd.

Prim is smiling at me while we make our way over to mother. "What?"

"I asked you that question a few month ago and you said you don't know." She begins. I'm confused. What is she referring to? She continues: "I asked you if you like him and you answered you don't know. But you do like him now, don't you?"

Oh. I didn't expect her to ask that again. She's right, when I heard this question the first time, I didn't know the answer. All I knew back then, was that I wanted to get to know him. I do know him better now, but there are still many things about him I don't understand. But now, unlike last time, I can't say I don't know. It's not true. I do like him. There's no other reason for spending time with him. And enjoying it. So I say:

"Yes, I do."

* * *

><p><strong>Ugh! Finally I'm able to update again. Sorry for the long wait. I was super busy with my Latin. But everything went well and I loved the last line in the translation:<br>_"The earth is the mother of all human beings."_  
>Great, isn't it? I will never forget those words. So true! And beautiful!<strong>

**Um, alright, I know you don't really care. But I needed to say that. Well, just so you know, I have to study for the next week, too, since I still have to write three exams. So, I still won't have too much time to write.**

**Ok, that's everything I wanted to say. No wait…there's something else!**

**REVIEW!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you for reviewing, elisemellark_ (thanks for wishing me luck, too)_, RandomRandoms14, CharmChaser_ (oh, she didn't say that…well, not exactly;))_, HungerGamesLover1020 _(Ha,ha I guess you have to wait a bit)_, IwouldKillForaCheeseBun, lovetheboywiththebread1, Kari _(If I didn't misunderstood you, you'll like this one)_, Ishearthandsoul _(OMG thank you so much! That's a big compliment for me)_, Amanda332czx_ (don't worry, that's what I plan on doing…only a bit different…yeah, you'll see…)_, DandelionOnFire_ (yeah, that's what I thought, too(about the accepting thing). That was my main reason for the time jump)_and BBree23_(LOL, I just wanted to update when I saw you review, so here is the thanks)_**  
><strong>DANKE!<strong>

**Oi, I had much fun writing this one;) I don't know if you get why though. But let's just say: How could I forget poor Gale? *grin* And there's nothing funnier to write about than a jealous boy…I know I'm evil. **

**Um, I think I should stop writing some silly nonsense you don't understand (yet) and give you your chapter, huh? So read, enjoy, review!**

**Disclaimer: I'm not Suzanne Collins, so I do not own the Hunger Games. Damn.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 7:<p>

Since the day Gale became my friend, it's a tradition that our families celebrate together. Well, "celebrate". Usually, the only thing we do is talking. In Prim's case playing. And we watch the recap together.

This year is no exception. After the reaping was over and Prim and I had found our mother, Gale came over to us and hugged us, happy we survived the reaping. Then we all made our way home. Gale brought the game we had shot this morning and as soon as Prim spotted Rory, the two were off, probably at the meadow or milking lady so we have something to eat with the bread we traded for.

It's now almost time for the recap. Gale and I have talked the whole time, about hunting and he told me how happy he is we all survived the reaping. Both his brothers were entered in the reaping ball, so he was very worried. Thankfully, they didn't have to take out tesserae, Gale would never allow it. He's very protective of his siblings, just as I am of Prim.

We are very similar, in every point. We both provide our family because our father's died when we were young. We both hunt. We both feel free in the woods. We are both stubborn and there's something else about us. We both feel a hatred towards the Capitol. A burning hate, screaming for revenge.

But unlike Gale, I don't talk about it. It's dangerous and even if I doubt there is anyone in the woods to hear him, I'm still scared. Not for myself. They would kill me if they found me out there regardless of what I'm saying. But for Prim and my mother. Because if I die, they will die, too.

Of course Gale has this fear, too, though he never talks about it. I know he has. But with him it's different. Maybe the work in the mines did it. But I doubt it. He talked like that before, too. Not as often, but he did.

There's something inside him that is already fighting. Fighting whether or not to do something. Again, he doesn't say it, but I can see it in his eyes when he is in one of his rants against the Capitol. I can read him like a book. Usually.

But when he takes my hand and says he needs to talk to me in private, I don't know what he wants.

He leads me to the meadow, where he walks over to a rock and sits down. I go over to him and since there is no other opportunity but to sit in the grass in front of him, I do.

"What do you want to talk about?" I ask him. I'm curious. What would he want to say that he can't say in front of our families, but inside of the district? It doesn't make sense.

He hesitates. "I…it's just you…"

What is he talking about? And why can't he say it? He stutters. Gale stutters never. And I don't understand. What could be so embarrassing? He can tell me everything, he knows that, doesn't he?

"Gale, whatever it is, just blurt it out already! The recaps are about to start and we mustn't miss them. So come on, what's holding you back?" I ask, irritated. I don't want to sit here all evening.  
>He seems to get the message and say: "Whatsgoinonwithyouanmellark?"<p>

"What?" What did he say? It came out in a rush and I just can't understand him. What's wrong with him?

He seems to try to calm down, because he takes a deep breath and repeats, slowly and understandably this time: "What is going on with you and Mellark?"

Yes, I understood him this time. But did I want to? And if the answer to that is no, why would I not want it?

"Why?" is my answer. Why would he even want to know? It can't be that important, can it?

He hesitates again. "I…I saw you at the reaping with him. You were holding his hand and…I just wondered. What have I missed?" He saw that? How? And why does he care?

"Oh that. We're friends. Why?"

He looks…upset. Wait, upset? Why would he be upset? That's strange. "Friends?"

Now he upsets me. I told him once what's between us. Nothing, at least not in the way he thinks. Last time it was understandable he got the wrong idea. But now? "Yes, friends. What did you think?"

He blushes. "It's just…I don't know." Then he seems to notice something: "Wait. How did you become friends? And when?" I see this upsets him. And I feel guilt. Gale doesn't know about our meetings in the woods. I didn't want him to know, because I can see his reaction to Peeta and me being friends now. What would he say if I told him about our trips?

I stutter: "Well…we talked a few times and…" I trail off. I'm not the best liar, but this was even worse than my usual attempts. It wasn't really a lie…but that's not exactly the reason we're friends.

Gale has been my best friends for years, so I'm not surprised when he says: "Don't lie to me Katniss!" But his tone! This is what upsets me. Like he's challenging me.

"I'm not lying!", I yell. This time without stuttering. Good.

"Oh yeah? Of course not! And that's the reason you stutter like that!" He's shouting now, too. His face shows an angry expression. I can't tell him about Peeta and me and our days in the woods. It would upset him even more.

"Maybe I just don't want to tell you!" I am a bit quieter now, because I don't want the whole Seam to know. But Gale doesn't seem to care. "Oh, you don't? And why?"

"Because it's none of your business!" I'm yelling again. I can't help it. He's just so annoying.

"Why? Why do you trust him more than me…?" I interrupt him. "I don't! I know you longer, you're my best friend Gale! Why…?" This time, he cuts me off. "Oh, is that the case? Then why do you never hug me, but him?"

I'm taken aback for a moment. He knows about this? But before I get to ask him, he says something that makes me angry again. "And why do you look at him like that?"

He emphasizes the that. Like what? I don't look at him in any special way. And when did he see Peeta and me? Other than the reaping, I mean. And I must have looked worried back then, that can't have surprised him. Worried. I'm sure. Relieved no one I know was reaped. Sure. Anything else…no. I haven't thought about anything else. And he can't have seen us in the woods? He would've come and yelled at me, I'm sure of it.

I hiss: "When did I ever look at him like…what? Worried? Aren't the Hunger Games a reason to be worried? I was worried about you, too!" He throws his hands up in frustration.

"Maybe. I don't know what to believe anymore." He doesn't say this in a tired tone, like it would fit with what he said. He sounds angry. Still. And he gets me more angry. He doesn't believe me? I'm his best friend. Gale should know I care about him.

"Why? We've known each other for years, we're best friends, and still, you doubt me? Why?" It doesn't only sound upset, it sounds confused too. I am indeed confused. After all, what I said is right. I trust him, I tell him everything, I…. Don't. Don't tell him everything.

"You didn't tell me about you and Peeta." He voices my thoughts. Yeah, I didn't. And I won't. I sigh. "I don't want to, I already told you that!"

I may not have told him, but seriously, is it that bad? I don't think I know every story about Gale and his friends. That thought makes me frustrated. What does Gale think? He doesn't own me!

"But why? Why don't you tell me anything about him, me, whom you know for years, yet you go around hugging him? What do I not know?" If anyone had told me Gale would get this angry over that, I would have told him sooner about our friendship. We wouldn't be sitting here, arguing.

But what really hurts me is how he makes it clearer and clearer that I don't trust him. How can I show him I do? I place a hand on his shoulder. "Gale, you know I trust you with my life, you know I always told you everything, let me keep this one thing to myself." I don't yell anymore, I'm trying to soothe him.

But he doesn't let me. "Yeah? Katniss, why? That's not you, to keep something from me! He's changed you! What is he doing to you?" He says that with a new rage, a new idea I'm not sure I want to know.

Changed? I'm not changed, am I? "Gale, he's not doing anything to me! We are just…spending time together."

At the end I'm stuttering again. Oh no. That's not good at all. And my thoughts are confirmed by what he says next.

"Spending time, are you?" And then he says something I never expected, something so unlike Gale I don't trust my own ears. "Are you screwing him?"

Silence. That's all to be heard for a few seconds. The few seconds I need to realize what he said, to get the meaning of the words, to make sure I heard what he said. To make sure my ears didn't betray me.

Then I hear how my hand collides with his cheek. Because it can't be true. These can't be the words he said. It's impossible. He is my best friend. He wouldn't say something like that. Gale Hawthrone doesn't think like that. He can't mean it.

But he does. I see the red marks on his face, red marks I am responsible for. Red marks I wish I could say I regret. But I can't say that. It's not true. And when I speak again, my voice sounds deadly: "What?" It's more a hiss than anything else.

Gale, only now realizing I slapt him, because he was in something like trance for a few moments. Now he cups his cheek and gives me a reproachful look. Reproachful and…furious. Angry isn't the right word anymore. Furious is.

"So you are?" How dare he. I could slap him again, if only he didn't have his hand on his cheek.

"What do you think?" I spit the words through gritted teeth. It's unbelievable. I know my face must match his now. And to make everything worse, he shrugs.

I can't hold myself back any longer. I scream: "No! Gale, we have known each other for five years! I'm not just a body. You should know I'd never sell myself. I thought you know me. But obviously, I was wrong!"

I can see how my words affect him. His expression, a few minutes ago made of furiousness, shows now concern. But I don't care. "Catnip, I'm…"

"Don't!" I cut him off. "Don't say you're sorry. You meant it! You…" "No!" This time, it's his turn to interrupt me. "I didn't. I'm sor…"

"I said, don't!", I hiss. I don't want to hear his sorry. He said what he said and I want him to tell me the truth. And if he says sorry now, he lied to me.

It's not like I didn't lie to him. But this is something else. He is my friend and…what he said was so wrong.

"Katniss, listen." He puts his hand on my mouth to shut me up. And it works, because though I struggle, he's much stronger than I am. "I. Am. Sorry. I…I didn't mean it like that. It's just…"

He drops his hand and doesn't continue. He seems to mean it. But then again, he seemed to mean the question, too. But he looks sad.

I sigh. Though I am still angry, I really want to know it. "Then why would you say it?" Wrong question. Very wrong. I shouldn't have asked that.

Because one moment he looks like he is going to answer. The next moment, he grabs my collar and presses his lips to mine.

For one second, I'm to stunned to do anything. This isn't happening. One moment, he asks me if I slept with Peeta and the next moment, he is kissing me. He is kissing me!

As soon as I think that, as soon as I come back from my thoughts, my shock, I push Gale away. Hard.

He looks at me with an hurt, angry and…betrayed expression.

"Why?" Is everything I ask. I don't understand. We are best friends. We've always been. Why does he have to make everything complicated by kissing me?

I don't have these kind of feelings for anyone. That's what I never wanted. I don't want a boyfriend, I don't want to be in this kind of relationship with anyone. I don't want to get married. It would lead to children. Children that could be reaped. And I would never send my child into the Hunger Games, I swear.

And Gale knows. So why…?

"Catnip, don't you understand? You and I, we would work. We…" I cut him off. "There is no "we"."

He gets angry again. "Yes there is! I have feelings for you and you…you should have feelings for me! We are best friends. We are…made for each other. Katniss, we are the same!"

He is right. We are the same. But does that mean I have to marry him? Does that mean he is my soul mate? "Gale…I can't. You and I…I don't know. I don't want this and you know it."

I watch his face. Suddenly, he has an expression on his face, one I, for once, can't read. "No. You don't want this with me."

And with that, he says: "Come on, let's watch the recap."

I'm thankful, because I just want to drop the topic. I don't want this kind of conversations with him.

I watch the reapings more concentrated than in other years. I want to avoid Gale.

Though I am so concentrated, only a few tributes stick in my mind.

A pretty girl from two, that look as though she wanted to rip everyone's head off.

A small, thirteen year old boy from six. His expression is so wicked that I would be afraid of him if it was me in the arena.

A young, eighteen year old women from nine. She's tall, taller than all the other tributes.

And of course, Johann and Rose from here. Our tributes. The reporter says that maybe Johann isn't a lost cause. But I think he will die. He is from twelve and no one from twelve survives.

The reapings are a good distraction. If you hate something, you have to listen to it, to watch it, you have to. Ignoring doesn't work. It's always like this.

But when they're over and the Hawthrones go home, I excuse myself, saying I'll go sleeping. Instead, I just lie on my bed, thinking.

Gale didn't talk to me again. He ignored me just as I ignored him. He didn't even look at me.

It's right, the recaps were a good distraction. But now, that they are over, everything comes back to me.

The kiss. The kiss that destroyed everything, that confused me. The kiss that I wish hadn't happened, because it made it all more complicated. The kiss I don't know what to think of.

Did I feel something? Anything?

Now that I think of it, I don't know. When he kissed me, everything I thought about was that I couldn't do this, that I mustn't. I don't want this kind of relationship.

Plus, I've never seen Gale as more than a friend. He was just my best friend, I never thought about him any other way.

And I don't know if I felt anything. I have never been kissed before, so I can't compare it. But shouldn't there be something? From what I've heard, when the girls in school talk about it, there is something to feel.

But all I was thinking about in this moment was how angry I was. And I was shocked. I felt anger and shock. But was that because I didn't want to feel anything? Maybe I just didn't notice? Can I even decide how I feel?

I sigh in frustration. I don't know. I have no experience with this and I've never before thought about it. It wasn't important. It shouldn't be now.

So why is it? Just because Gale kissed me? There must be something else, too.

I mean, it's clear that I think about it when my best friend, who knows how I think about marriage, about children, suddenly kisses my and makes everything complicated. Of course I think about it. And I don't want to loose him as a friend. My best friend, my hunting partner.

But my security walls are strong and with today, they became a bit stronger again. So why am I thinking about that? I made it clear, I told Gale I don't want it!

I think back to our conversation. And then it hits me.

He said something about I didn't want it with him. But he's my best friend. If I don't want to love Gale that way, who else? I don't want to be in that kind of relationship, but if even Gale can't convince me, who can? Who was he talking about? And why does he think this person can do this, if even he can't? Why would he think that? And who is this person?

I try to find the answer, but I only do when I think about how I got angry.

The only thing that makes sense, that is at least not completely crazy, is that he was talking about Peeta. In our conversation before, he was talking about him, too. And he was angry I hugged Peeta.

But why would he think so? I know Peeta only a few month. And I don't have this kind of feelings for anyone. I can't have, so I don't.

And Peeta doesn't want that from me anyway. He hasn't said or done anything. The hug was just friendly, like it is with Prim…right?

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><p><strong>What? Did you think she could hug Peeta without Gale overacting? Honestly? Wow, I'm proud! No one predicted this :D *Grin* She is angry, he is angry and she is more confused than ever, too. Don't we all think this is going to be interesting?<strong>

**And yeah, I know you probably hate me now. But hey, someone had to awake Katniss' cautiousness. It's Katniss, she wouldn't get that anyone loves her if it was thrown in her face. And to confuse her even more, I thought I could let Gale kiss her (by the way, I hope the kiss wasn't described too bad, but I've never kissed someone when I didn't know if I had feelings for him and was angry at the person, so I don't know what it feels like).**

**So don't hate me. (though I don't know if my explanation made sense.)**

**And if you want anything explained, because I know this may have been confusing, review or PM me!  
><strong>

**And that brings me to: What do you think? I'm really interested in your answers. Review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thank you so much elisemellark _(it brakes my heart to tell you they won't…yet. It's just to early)_, DandelionOnFire_(ha,ha, oh god, you made me laugh. I'm like that, too.)_, Amanda332czx _(I guess I PM-ed(is that even a word?) you. If not, I'll do it and explain a bit)_, Kari _(Wohoo! See, I told you you'll like it;))_, Meg123 _(:D thanks)_, HungerGamesLover1020 _(here is chapter 8)_, RandomRandoms14, CharmChaser _(Finally someone who thinks like that, too;))_, Kate _(Don't worry, I won't do it again)_, KatPee _(believe it or not, that was the only thing that made me hesitate. But see it as not her real first kiss. She didn't feel anything),_ InLoveWithPeeta _(here is the next),_ Aria-dancingdolphins15 _(here is your update :D)_, Emmy _(OMG! Thank you soooooo much! You have no idea how happy you made me! And about the languages. Well, I had to. But thank you!:D), _ musicalexpert and Kelly _(Happy birthday! This chapter is my present!)_  
>Thank you for reviewing!<strong>

**And I was thinking about doing this chapter in Peeta's POV, because this way I could have done better with his way with words and his immense charisma. But I decided to stuck to Katniss POV, because I have a problem with writing in a boy's POV. Might be the fact that I don't understand guys. Anyway, I'm sorry if I didn't succeed in capturing his way with words perfectly.  
>Remember, it's not that easy if you don't have as much charisma as Peeta does. He's got an unusual amount of it (but he uses it in a good way, unlike other persons. Seriously, it's easy to misuse it).<strong>

**And I'd like to say that this will be the same arena it is in CF, partly because I was too lazy to come up with something else, partly because I think even without Katniss, it would still have been the same arena. But the arena, or even the actual games aren't really important. This is more about what they think about the games and about the fear. Many people forget about this fear when it comes to a Katniss/Peeta romance.**

**Please see this as rated T!  
><strong>

**Duh, this is a major A/N. Now just enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: All right, I think everyone knows I am not Suzanne Collins. So I obviously don't own the Hunger Games.**

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><p>Chapter 8:<p>

For the last week, I've completely ignored Gale. He did the same to me. I haven't even thought about our conversation anymore.

I forbid it. Myself, I mean. I don't want to think about it, I want to pretend it never happened. And I know it is childish, but what am I supposed to do? Gale has been my best friend for years, never more. And then, out of the blue, he kisses me.

What still confuses me is the fact that he dared to do that. What made him think I would kiss him back? Where my walls down that much? Or did he even think?

Knowing Gale, I suppose it's the latter. First doing, than thinking. That thought helps, because maybe he doesn't really have feeling for me. Maybe he just overacted.

Yes, that has to be it. Why didn't I think of it earlier? He overacted. That kiss meant nothing.

But why do I not believe myself?

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. Right.

Today, the Games will start. The knock is Peeta, who was invited by Prim. He's here to watch the Games with us. So he doesn't have to do it alone.

I still don't get it why his brothers and parents don't watch it with him. At least his father always seemed like a decent person.

Not very talkative, but I can't blame him. I am not, either. But he always seemed to care about his children.

I consider asking Peeta, but I don't want to remind him. I wouldn't want to be reminded and though Peeta and I are as different as two persons can be, I don't think he would want to think about his uncaring family too much.

I hear the door open. Prim must have opened it.

I go to the living room and standing in the doorframe is Peeta, hugging Prim. I see a smile on his face and it's obvious how happy Prim is.

I glance at my mother, suddenly remembering what Peeta told me about her and his father. She watches the two, actually smiling a bit.

I sigh. Good. I have to admit, I was a bit curious about what she would do. After all, it's quite obvious Peeta is related to his father. They look alike.

Of course, Peeta is younger. His features are rounder, his smile more carefree and I can't deny he is handsome. With his broad shoulders and his bright ear-to-ear smile, his blond curls and his shining blue eyes, that light up every time he is happy.

His father must have looked like this when he was younger. Even if he doesn't have Peeta's eyes. I don't know where they come from, because his mother doesn't have them, either. None of his brothers. So where do they come from?

I shake my head. That's not important anyway. I shouldn't be standing here, wondering about Peeta's eyes.

I smile at him: "Hey." He returns my greeting and introduces himself to my mother. Right after that the screen of our television shows the sign of the Capitol and the anthem plays.

Peeta sighs. "It starts. We should start watching now. The peacekeepers will come by soon, making sure we are watching."

He's right. But my mother hesitates: "Do we really have to? It's the Quarter Quell. I…I don't want to."

Oh no, I think. She's like that, sometimes. This is the state where she transformes into an overaged child, where I have to tell her what to do. It's the state she was in a year after my father died, when we had food again but she depended completely on me. She wasn't too much in depression anymore, just scarred and trying to suppress reality.

I am about to give her an annoyed answer when Peeta says something. I didn't expect him to do that: "But you have to. We all don't want it. But what are we supposed to do?"

My mother looked at him. "Why?" That's not an answer to his question. And seeing her expression, I can tell it's not really meant as an answer. She looks like she's remembering something. And I don't know this something. What is it about? My father?

Peeta seems to try to understand her, too. But how is he supposed to do that? She is my mother. If even I can't understand her… I'm her daughter, after all. But then again, we aren't really that close…

"They will come and kill us if we don't. And you know it. What happened? What is making you hesitate?"

Yeah, that's an idea. Asking her. But I would have never thought of it. It's not like that with my mother and me. We don't talk. She didn't take care of me after my father died, so why should I do more for her than necessary, when she didn't even do that?

And surprisingly, my mother answers: "It's the Quarter Quell. Again. And it brings back…memories." She doesn't say what memories. But I was right. Though now I don't think it had anything to do with my father. But after saying that, she actually moves to sit in front of the TV on the couch, next to Prim.

Prim grabs her hand and mother holds hers just as tightly. I know how they feel. I feel the same, but I'd never show it. To them, I'm always the strong Katniss, suppressing every fear. Well, they don't know about my fear, so actually it's only me expecting it to be suppressed.  
>And I make sure it is. I can't let them worry about me. They're my family, I have to protect them in every possible way.<p>

When I look at Peeta now, it once again occurs to me that his parents and siblings obviously don't think so. He has never experienced this feeling of a family holding together, facing the horror of the games together. And I've seen how much he and Prim stick together. They're alike, he is like the older brother she never had.

And my thoughts are confirmed when Prim pats the space nest to her, motioning for him to sit there. But Peeta hesitates. "Katniss should sit there."

That takes me by surprise. I never think like that. Prim and mother have to be comfortable. I don't want to be selfish, especially when it comes to the Hunger-Games-time. It's the time where my family is even more important to me than it always is. Maybe because the Games rip other families apart. Maybe because they need more care now, now that the horror starts again.

"No, it's okay", I say. "Yes! I can sit on her lap!", Prim adds. She would have done that, anyway. She gives Peeta her little cute smile, begging him to just do it.

Sighing, he obeys. I go over, too and Prim climbs onto my lap. Just then, the anthem ends and Caesar Flickermann, this year in a light blue, appears on the Screen. Yesterday were the Interviews with him. Our tributes did okay, but they weren't to impressive. No one sticks in their head for longer than one year either way.

They show every single picture of the tributes and their interviews, show what images they have. The one from two, the one I remember from the reaping, is called the sexy killer.

That are the names the career districts get. We always get something like the coal's rose. I suppose that isn't too bad, but if I had to sponsor one of them, I would never sponsor a flower. Because the games aren't about how cute, how kind a person is, it's about killing.

"They use the human weakness". I wonder what Peeta means. He must see our question looks, because he continues: "The human mind would always watch out for itself. For its body. This is what they use in the games. The refuse to die. Fear. That's what they use. And under those circumstances, the human being does everything to survive. Even if it is killing something that is exactly like they are. It's unbelievable what we are able to do to simply survive."

Normally, I would have covered Prim's ears when I heard such words. But I can't. I can't concentrate on anything but his words.

I've never seen it like that. But he's right. This is how the games work. And there is nobody trying to fight this. I've never seen anyone trying to sacrifice themselves for someone else. That doesn't happen.

My eyes and mind return to the screen, where now twenty-four tributes are on their plates, placed around the Cornucopia. The Cornucopia is in the middle. And there are those strips of land, all of them connected with the sand the Cornucopia is standing on. Twelve strips. What does that mean?

But I don't have much time to think about it, before the gong rings. Unlike other years, there are only a few that make their way to the Cornucopia,. There are only a few that know how to swim.

The four tributes, obviously the best swimmers, are on the Cornucopia in a matter of seconds. But they don't kill each other. I suppose they're allies. Of course. Careers.

Soon, they are joined by the tributes of district one and four.

Claudius Themplesmith's voice, only audible for the people sitting in front of the TV, asks if they don't know they have swim belts. I watch one tribute from three, the one they are zooming to now. He's got an pruple belt around his hips. And seconds after I've seen that, he jumps into the water.

And Claudius was right. He doesn't drown, he just moves and somehow manages to swim.

I bet the people in the Capitol are happy now. It would have been boring if the tributes had died of…what? Dehydration? A silly death. Silly and not at all bloody.

But now, I feel how Prim snuggles closer to me. Because the smart boy of district three, the one that figured the belts out, is the one going to be killed first.

I see how all the other tributes watch him, how they, one after the other, realize what those belts are for. Then they jump into the water, too. And with that, hell is breaking loose.

I bury Prim's face in my shirt and clutch the thing closest to me, which appears to be Peeta's hand. He doesn't even look up, just grabs it as tightly.

It reminds me of the reaping. Where he took my hand. And just like then, I am relieved. Maybe _because _it reminds me of the reaping. Maybe because it reminds my of feeling as though I'm not alone in this.

And I realize, I am not. I have Prim, whose eyes I'm protecting, but her ears are able to hear.

My mother, whose eyes are glued to the screen, but it seems as if she is looking right through it. Like her mind is somewhere else. So in some way, she's protected, too. In her own world, protecting herself from it with a memory.

And Peeta. But somehow, he isn't really protected. It's more like he is…protecting me. Protecting me. No one has protected me since my father died. I was always the one to protect everyone. And it feels strange. I'm actually scared.

But then I feel how he squeezes my hand when the district three boy is killed by one of the careers. And I don't think about being scared anymore. Actually, I think about hate.

Not for Peeta, of course. For the Capitol. It killed this smart boy, a boy who had done nothing wrong. His only mistake was to be the first not-career at the Cornucopia. This shouldn't be happening right now. This boy should be sitting in a room with his family and laugh.

Instead, a sharp sword makes its way through his body. No cannon shoots. But he is dead though.

The camera zooms to another scene. Two tributes are fighting. Suddenly, I hear a voice: "Don't watch! Turn away!"

The voice, Peeta's, is so dominant, that I don't even hesitate. I pry my eyes away from the horrible scene of a girl and a boy fighting for a loaf of bread, one with a knife, the other one with her bare hands. Trying to suffocate him.

And then, all I see is Prim's blond hair. I don't want to see anything else. Not the blood that colors the water. Not the dead bodies on the ground.

Not everything the Capitol destroyed, killed and tortured. How can anyone find that amusing? How can anyone stand watching other people die? People who had a life. Someone at home, waiting for them.

I remember Peeta's words: _"It's unbelievable what we are able to do to simply survive."_Yes, even President Snow does this to survive. We all know how the Hunger Games were created. Because the Capitol doesn't want a rebellion. Because they want to survive. As foreign as it sounds.

Though I can't see the screen, I can hear the cries and the begging. And I hear how Prim starts sobbing.

Prim. It isn't right that she has to watch this. That she is entered in the reaping ball. What if she got reaped? I shudder at that thought. I don't want to even imagine it. I pull Prim closer.

But her sobs continue, no matter how much shushing I try.

Then I feel hoe Peeta lets go of my hand and how two strong, warm, comforting arms encircle us. I see how a second hand starts stroking Prim's hair and her back.

How long has it been since someone held me? That someone helped me to calm Prim when she was watching the games? Too long to remember.

But I remember those arms. They held me once, for a few seconds. Back then, it was out of happiness and relief. Now it's fear.

Prim is now clinging to my neck with one arm and to Peeta's with the other one. So she presses us together, too. Suddenly I blush, remembering Gale. How he was upset about our hug. How he said I didn't want anything romantic with him and implied I did with Peeta. But I don't.

So I shift a bit, so Prim can still hug both of us but we aren't pressed against each other. His arm is still around me, but I can't change that at the moment. And, okay, I don't really want to.

Somehow, I don't mind being protected, at least a bit, as much as before now. I really don't want to watch the games.

After a while, I hear a knock on the door. I look up. Prim does, too. And Peeta's eyes are still fixed on the bloodbath, which seems to be almost finished. There are the careers, fighting the boy from ten, I guess. Or that what is left of him. After a few seconds, his body goes down.

Standing there, are the six careers and the girl from nine. I knew she was going to join them.

Then I pay my attention to the door and to the two Peacekeeper coming into our living room. "Oh, you're watching the games! Good! Otherwise, we'd have to do something not so pretty now. But were you paying attention?"

That's what they always do. Everyone who isn't at the square to watch the games, has to watch them at home. And then they come to see if you are really watching and ask you some questions. Just like:

"Who was the first one to die?"

Well, I know this one. And before they can ask me something I don't know, I answer: "The boy from three." The peacekeeper nods. I'm relieved, though I knew it was the right answer. It's just…what would they do to me if it weren't?

Then she motions to Prim. Oh. Prim hasn't seen to much. Please, oh please let it be something she does know. "What are the belts for?"

I let out a breath. She should know that. Themlesmith said it and she was watching while he did. "They are swimming belts."

Her voice sounds frightened, so frightened I hold her a bit tighter. But the peacekeeper nods again. "Seems you were really watching."

And with that, she closes the door and makes her way to the next house.

We all let out a breath. We wouldn't have been the first ones to be punished. It doesn't happen often, because everyone is scared of it. But sometimes, someone who has already lost everything or someone who just wasn't careful enough, gets arrested and killed.

I shudder at that thought. If that happened to anyone I know…I don't really want to imagine it.

Peeta must have felt me shudder, because he squeezes my arm reassuringly. I'm not sure what to make of it. I mean, he does the same with Prim.

I shouldn't be worried about Peeta because of something Gale said. He was just jealous. That even fits to my earlier idea of Gale overacting. He just didn't want to share me with anyone.

Yes, that has to be it. It has to. So why do I not believe it?

Shaking my head, I turn my attention back to the TV.

Much doesn't happen anymore. The day ends not like usually, with the anthem and the pictures of the dead tributes. At least not for the tributes.

We are shown who died today. Every death is replayed. I tell Prim not to watch again. She gladly obeys. I don't watch them, either. I mean, the daily control Peacekeeper has already been here.

But I notice how Peeta is still watching, seemingly unable to pry his eyes away. I don't say anything, because I don't think he would hear me anyway. Instead I talk to Prim a little. Not about the games. I would never talk about them with Prim. Only unimportant things like school.

After every death has been replayed, the anthem plays again, the seal of the Capitol is shown and the screen goes black.

My mother immediately excuses herself to bed and Prim yawns, bids Peeta goodbye and follows her.

I cough, a bit uncomfortable, because his arm is still around me, though he let Prim go. When he notices, he blushes. He must have forgotten it.

"Sorry", he mumbles and gets up. "Doesn't matter" is my reply. I get up, too and follow him to the door.

"Was it better?" I ask and because I can see the confusion on his face, I add, "To watch the games with us?"

He smiles. "Yes it was. A lot better, actually."

But most of the time, he was the only one watching. Prim never does it, I don't want her to. Usually, I'm the one watching the horrors. Not today. "I'm sorry. For not watching all the time, I mean."

"Why? I told you not to do it. I always have to watch them anyway, remember?" No. I forgot. He's right, of course. When there is no one else that watches, he has to.

"But I do it, too. It…it would have been okay." Now, that's a lie. I hate watching the games and I was glad I didn't have to watch the bloodbath.

"Yeah. But you also have to provide your family. I…I thought maybe I could take a bit burden off you that way."

I'm taken aback. No one treats me like that. No one tries to make it easier for me. No one treats me like that. No one tries to make it easier for me. It's always me that does that. It's an entirely new feeling. Being…taken care of. Somehow. But…

"Why?" There is no reason. I'm not used to it.

He hesitates. "Because you deserve it. You do something I couldn't do. You take care of them."

Whatever I expected, not that. And I don't even think it's true. Not that he doesn't think so.

But I think he would be able to take care of his family. Though they're not a family like we are, I can't imagine a person, kind and good-hearted like Peeta not wanting to provide his family if he needed to.

And I think if Peeta really wanted to, he would find a way.

"Yes, I do. But you could do it, too."

"No. I'm not like you." Is his answer. Sometimes, I think he underestimates himself.

"No. You aren't. But do you have to be like me to be strong enough to help your family?" He sighs. He can't disagree now.

"Katniss you don't understand." What? What do I not understand?

"What are you talking about?" He only shakes his head. That makes me frustrated. What is this thing he won't tell me? And why?

"Maybe, at some point, you will understand. But not now." It seems final. I groan. I really want to know but…he doesn't seem like he wants to tell me. He is and will remain a mystery. I wonder if I will ever be able to understand him.

But there is something else I wondered about this evening. If I don't get one answer, maybe I'll get the other.

"Why were you watching the recaps of the deaths? You had already seen them." It still doesn't make sense to me. I don't think he enjoyed watching those children die. I've heard him talk about the games. He despises them, I can tell.

"Because…I don't really know how to explain it. It's just…I want to remember every death. To others, this may seem like something that only hurts. But…I don't know. It's just…I can't help but think that every children had a life, a family and friends. They deserved to live and the Capitol took everything away. They die for nothing. And I don't want to forget. They make me think something has to be done. They give me the will to do something good."

To do something good. Like giving me that bread. Like comforting Prim. I understand that part.

But his point of view is complicated. What he does is…not really illegal, but the thinking it leads to is. This almost rebellious thinking.

"No, it won't. But in every of those children must have been something good. And…I don't want the world to loose that."

That seems like magic. Bring the good in every person back by doing something good. It sounds naïve. "That sound like a wish. A dream that can't come true. You aren't enough to bring the goodness back into the world."

He seems to think about that. Finally, he smiles. "I'm not the only person. Prim does it, too. And many other people, even if unknowingly. You may say I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one."

He then bids me goodbye and leaves.

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><p><strong>You may say I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one. I hope some day, you'll join us and the world will be as one! ~Imagine by John Lennon! I don't own it, but I just LOVE that song!<br>**

**Anyway, what do you think?**

**To complicicated? Sometimes I'm not quite sure if everyone was able to follow Peeta's and Katniss' (well, my) thoughts about the Hunger Games. I know the Games, or more how they think about them, are very much in this chapter, but think about it. This is Katniss POV. It's about what is important to her. And the Games are a big, horrible part of Panem. I guess I already said it, but I want you to understand why they are described like this. I want to show it's cruelty a bit. I won't do it too much, since this isn't really about the games, but the games ARE indeed the reason Katniss doesn't want love. She has to be reminded a bit. And it isn't as though there weren't a few cute scenes in this chapter, too;)**

**You should tell me what you think! You should REVIEW! Because I see how many people are out there, reading this. How about all of you just click that pretty little button, the one that says REVIEW!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you so much Aria-dancingdolphins15 _(you did actually manage to review with your iPod without a spelling error I noticed. Every time I {try to} do that, there are millions of spelling errors;))_, elisemellark, aihpomila _(thank you! You made me sooo happy! You have no idea!)_, HungerGamesLover1020 _(Who hasn't seen it? My friend watched 'Braking Dawn', only to see that trailer in cinema. And yes, Josh IS perfect)_, CharmChaser_ (Oh, you'll find someone eventually. Everyone {except me, I don't want to} does)_, Meg123 _(I like your reason for me to update;))_, Kari _(LOL xD. Thank you so much. I'm blushing. But unfortunately, I'm not Suzanne Collins :P)_, DandelionOnFire _(Thanks again)_, ()_[Sorry, not quite sure how I can thank you without a name, but this is supposed to be the thanks for the reviewer without a name]_, musicalexpert _(yeah, that's true. But Peeta can't always say everything so Katniss is able to understand. And don't worry about how you end your review, important is the feedback) _and KissPeeta.**

**There's an important A/N at the end of this chapter. Please read!  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: There are many thinks I wish I'd own. The Hunger Games, for example. But unfortunately, I don't.**

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><p>Chapter 9:<strong><br>**

I have lain awake the whole night, thinking about Peeta's words.

After he left, I was confused. And stunned. Not in a bad way, of course. But I never thought Peeta would think like that.

Now that I think about it, it shouldn't be surprising. He is always kind and he has always shown how much he dislikes the games.

But I've never come closer to his mind then two days ago.

I also know how Gale thinks about the games. His thoughts are always about the hate he feels. His rage, his want to do something about it.

I know Peeta does want to do something about the games, too. But what he is trying is fascinating. Of course he is right about some people bringing goodness in the world. Himself. And, like he said, Prim.

But to actually replace what has been destroyed is a big endeavor. It still seems like a dream, a desire that is so extraordinary that I can't understand it.

It's like he wants to change the world, to make this a better place.

And this is impossible. No amount of kindhearted-ness can save Panem or those children. Nothing can.

Neither boldness nor hate nor rage nor a good heart. Neither can do it a few persons as entirely good as Peeta, persons with the best and the most unbelievable intentions.

Thinking about that used to make me feel tired. But how Peeta talked about the tributes, how he wanted to remember them, it sparked something in me. Something that makes me think about things like what would be the right thing to do, what we could actually do about it.

I shake my head. That's nothing I should think about too much. This is dreaming and I don't want to dwell on dreams that won't come true. Or dreams at all.

"Katniss, you're doing it again." I snap out of my thoughts. Prim is right. I have to stop thinking about that. I've tried to all day. But I can't. Somehow my mind always comes back to it.

"What are you even thinking about? What is so important that you can't seem to stop?"

Should I tell her? Not about everything Peeta said, of course. Not that I don't trust her. But if she told the wrong person Peeta would be arrested. I sigh.

"Yesterday, after you went to bed, I had a conversation with Peeta. And he said something I don't understand." Prim is a lot like Peeta. Maybe, if I just tell her a few things, she will be able to help me.

"What was it?"

"He told me why he watches the games, even the recaps. He said he wanted to…somehow bring back the goodness that was in the tributes. But he can't. They're dead, aren't they?"

Prim, to my surprise, smiles: "Yes Katniss, they are. And I know why you don't understand. Think about your believes, about how you see life. Peeta sees it in a whole different way. I don't know how to explain it to you. I guess you have to figure it out yourself."

And with that she leaves, probably to milk Lady.

Great. Just great. Now I'm more confused than I was before.

It's true, Peeta and I have very different views on life. We are different persons, as different as possible.

He is a dreamer, he said so himself. He is kind, never selfish, always thinking about other persons and protective of others. Even of me, though I don't need to be protected. But I've seen him stand up for others. Not only his friends, but small children he doesn't even know, too.

I'm impolite and even though I know it's probably not the right thing to do, I'd never help someone I don't know. I'm defiantly not the best person on this earth. And I don't dream.

But is that the reason I don't understand him?

I sigh. I guess it is. Well, I could just talk to him later. Prim invited him again for the games. It was quite funny to watch her, how she pouted and gave him her hangdog look. Of course he couldn't say no.

Just then, I hear a knock on the door. It's still half an hour until the games start, but I think it is Peeta though. Who else would it be?

When I open it, I find out I'm right. "Katniss", he says. "Hey."

Prim would hug him now and for a moment I think about doing that, too. But I don't. I mean, I'm not like Prim and I…don't have the courage to do it. Which is strange, because it isn't as though we hadn't hugged before. But never as a greeting.

"Where is Prim?", he asks.

"I don't know. But I think she's milking Lady." Then I realize I'm still standing in the doorframe and take a step back. "Come in. I'm sure she's going to be back in a few minutes."

He does and once we're both sitting on the couch, facing each other I speak up again: "You don't have to watch the games alone today. I'll watch too."

This is good, since I can not only bring up the topic again, but also don't have to feel guilty about that anymore.

"Why? You don't have to just because I do. I know you hate the games." Well, I can't deny this is a good argument.

Especially with his eyes, now locked with mine. He looks like he is trying to convince me with them. And they are the reason I find it hard to concentrate on my answer.

"I want to understand you." Wait. That wasn't the answer I wanted to give. Where did that come from? He wasn't supposed to know. It must be something about his eyes.

"Understand me?" Now they are questioning me, but still not leaving mine.

I swallow, trying to answer the right thing that time: "What you said yesterday. The reason you watch the games. Well, I didn't really understand it, to be honest. Prim says that's because we're so different. And now I guess…I want to see what you mean."

When did I start talking this much? And above all, when did I start to talk about my feelings? What is this?

He smiles, his eyes still not leaving mine. I wish they would already. I realize that he hasn't done that in months. And it's as though he's got me under some kind of spell. I'm unable to look anywhere else.

"Well, Prim is right, huh? We are different. But that doesn't mean you won't be able to understand it. Just…do you have to watch the games?"

He's trying to protect me again. He doesn't say so, but it's clear that's what he wants. He told me yesterday he thinks I deserve it, but actually I think he deserves it more than I do. I saw his expression while he was watching. Not carefree, not happy, nothing like usual. I saw a mask of bitterness and sadness.

And I didn't like it. I want to see Peeta with dimples in his cheeks while he smiles. I want his eyes to shine and not to be full of sorrow.

Just like I do with Prim. I realize what that means. I'm actually becoming protective of him.

I need to look away right now. Before those thoughts continue. So, taking all my willpower, I am finally able to pry my eyes away from his.

With new confidence, now undistracted, I answer: "Yes. I mean, what would you do? Don't lie to me, I know you'd never don't try to figure it out."

He sighs. "You're right. But I don't want anyone I l…" He cuts himself off, blushing. But why? What was he going to say? He coughs.

"I don't want you or Prim to have to watch the games. You've already gone through so much. You just have to suffer more when you watch the games."

He means it, I can tell. But that isn't what he originally wanted to say.

And just as I'm about to ask him, Prim comes through the door. She has got a bucket with milk, so I guessed right. But it bothers me that I don't get to ask Peeta.

Prim runs over to Peeta as soon as she sees him. But she drops the bucket before. So I have a reason to just go and bring it to the table.

Peeta, when I steal a glance at him, seems relieved and I don't even need to ask why. But I will get my answer. If not now, than later.

Soon after Prim came in the games stared. We were all sitting on the couch again by the time the anthem played.

For the first half hour there wasn't much happening, other than the tributes looking for water. But then, suddenly, there is a lightening bolt hitting a tree. Seems the games makers got bored.

The two tributes that are near the tree are now approaching one another. They run away, but in the same direction. Neither has got a weapon, but that doesn't stop them from a fight.

I knew this was going to happen. Just kill. Whenever, wherever they meet. I don't let Prim watch.

I do watch. But when they start crawling each others eyes out I can't stop myself from grabbing Peeta's hand again.

If only I knew why I do that. Maybe because I know he is trying to protect me. The last person that protected me was my father. And I was used to holding hands with him.

So is it that? The way Peeta reminds me of my father?

Now that I think about it, it makes sense. I mean, they are alike. Not like Prim and Peeta. Not their characteristics.

But their believes. I know my father dreamed. He sang about it. He always tried to see the best in every human being. He once told me he wanted to live in a world without greed or hate. He said it would be possible, if only every human being would concentrate on their heart.

I always thought that is naïve. I don't believe in the good in man. But I know Peeta thinks something along those lines.

He doesn't sing, but he speaks. He is good with words, after all he managed to get me thinking about his. He confused me, yes, but he also woke my curiosity and I try to understand now.

Usually I would just say that's unreal and can be forgotten. But there is something about the way he talks that doesn't let me forget.

It's not easy though. Because when I stare at the screen now, where I see one child trying to shove the other against a tree where the next lightening will most likely strike, how am I supposed to feel anything but pity and hate?

How can Peeta, who is watching the same scene, think about their past, about what could be? That's not realistic. Because one of the two is going to die, what does it matter what once was? And how can anybody bring back the goodness in the child that dies?

I watch the whole games like this today. But realization never comes.

After they are over, Prim and mother go to bed.

And again, it's just Peeta and me. "Do you understand me now?"

Right. I told him this is what I was trying. "No. I mean, I tried, but it's just so…how can you think like that?"

He smiles and answers: "I thought so. That you don't understand me."

That makes me frustrated. That's not an answer. I'm about to point that out when he says the last thing I expected. "Katniss? Would you mind going into the woods now?"

I'm stunned. Now? I don't understand. I mean, it's evening. When we are on our trips, this is usually the time we return. So what…?

"Why now? Why the woods?"

"Now, because we won't have time to do it until after the games again. And the woods because that is the place you are the most free. It's the only place where you might be able to understand."

Way to make me even more confused. Why should the place matter? But then again, maybe he is right. After all, the forest is where I hide from reality and every thought.

"Isn't it a bit late? What would your parents say?" Why do I have a feeling I'm going to visit the woods tonight?

He huffs. "They don't care. I don't even think they will notice. So what is your answer? Yes or no?"

It is indeed late. But I don't have school tomorrow. Prim and mother are to exhausted and tired to notice. And I want to know. So, once again, curiosity wins over prudence.

"Ok." His response is a smile.

After we are behind the fence I remember something. "You wanted to say something a few hours ago. But you didn't finish the sentence. You said something else."

I notice how he stiffens a bit. He remembers, too. But he says: "What are you talking about?" If I hadn't seen him stiffen, I would actually believe he doesn't know. His tone is just that innocent.

I roll my eyes. "You know what I'm talking about. You didn't want anyone you…that's where you stopped talking. And I just want to know what you were going to say."

"Oh that. Well, I wanted to say I don't want anyone I know to watch the games." It would fit. But why didn't he say that? Why did he blush? Why do I think he is lying again?

"Why would you not want to say that?" Now I'm really interested in his answer.

He seems to think about that a few seconds. "I don't know. Maybe because something interrupted me?"

Now he is definitely lying. And that angers me. Why can't he just tell me the truth? "Oh, don't lie to me! You blushed!"

He does it again. Blush, I mean. Then he whispers: "You don't want to know."

I'm taken aback and more frustrated now. "What? I do!"

"I'll tell you. But later. We're not here to answer this question. I wanted to try to explain you what I mean, remember?" This boy is not stupid. He can change the topic in a matter of seconds. And somehow, I can't be frustrated anymore. After all, I want my answer.

This reminds me of yesterday. When he didn't answer why he wouldn't be able to provide his family. In his opinion. I still think he could do it. So I sigh. But I will get my answers. At this very moment, I make a deal with myself. In two weeks, I will have my answers.

"Go on. Explain. We're out here now and you said I would be able to understand here."

He seems surprised he managed to convince me that easily. I have to hold back a grin. He doesn't know. "Okay Katniss. But it is not easy though." He only starts talking again when we are both sitting on a tree trunk, because he thinks this will take longer. "You aren't an artist. At least not the way I am."

"What does that have to do with the Hunger Games?" He is supposed to answer me. Not to confuse me even more.

He chuckles. "Let me finish." I nod. I won't interrupt him again. "When I talk, I always have a picture in my head. Something I try to describe. That is the way it is with the Hunger Games, too. When I watch them, I try to understand everything. You were right, you know. When you said I would try to figure everything out. That's exactly the way it is.

I need to have those pictures in my mind. If I don't have them, I feel helpless. Those images are my view on the world. On everything, from the stupidest homework through to the way our government works. I helps me to see things clear, to see things other people don't see.

And when I watch the Games, I have a image of helplessness and fear in my mind. I picture the tributes. I look into their eyes, trying to figure them out. I don't know. Sometimes I feel as though I wanted to know how they feel, so maybe I could find a way to stop everything from happening."

He must have seen how I opened my mouth, because he holds a hand up to stop my from talking.

"No, don't say anything. I know this is impossible. But sometimes, especially in their last seconds, I can almost feel their despair. And I don't want any of them to die. Though I don't know them, they feel like they are a little part of me. After all, they're humans. They are the same species as I am and nature made us want our species to survive. Of course it's true that we first protect ourselves, like I said, but have you ever thought about the reason we won't eat another human unless we won't survive if we don't? Because it is immoral and disgusting, yes, but the reason for that is that it's our own species.

I mean, even the people in the Capitol don't like cannibalism. Do you remember Titus, a tribute a few years ago? He was murdered by them because he was a cannibal."

And that's when I realize the real reason we're out here. It's not only my point of view about life. But if anyone heard him talking like this, we'd be dead. No one calls the Capitol a murderer.

"So I have to believe in the good in man. Even though they created and even enjoy the games, they still have humanness left. That doesn't mean I don't despise the Capitol and the Hunger Games, but do you understand what I mean?

If even those unbelievably cruel persons have feelings and goodness, even if it is somewhere hidden, there must be goodness in every tribute. Especially in those that aren't Careers.

But when they die, that would mean there is this goodness vanished. Forever. But if I do something good, it doesn't even have to be much, I get the feeling, the image it didn't vanish. I think that maybe it just flies around, waiting for someone to use it.

I know you may not be able to understand it yet. But can you at least see how I think and maybe you will understand…somehow."

With that his speech is over. It was impressive. And even though he is right, I am not an artist, I can see what he means. I can just imagine Peeta drawing everything in his mind. That would explain why he is such a great painter.

And if he thinks like that about the citizens of the Capitol, I think it can make sense to think of the tributes as always good man, even to me.

And though his point of view is still strange in my opinion, I have a feeling I was finally able to take a step to understanding him and his dreams.

"Thank you. For explaining, I mean. I understand you better now. But when did you start thinking about this?" I'm really interested in this, too. I can't imagine him as a little child thinking like that. But he seems to have thought about this a lot.

"I don't know, actually. I have always had a picture in my head. And somehow, when I got older and watched the games more carefully, I got those thoughts. My father always educated me like this, too. He said the world has enough evil, bad things going on. My father isn't a man of big words. But he told me that I have a good heart and that I should not change." He smiles at that memory. So at least his father cares about him.

And I agree. Peeta shouldn't change. He has one of the best, most innocent hearts. Like Prim and like my father. And even though I don't understand him completely, even though I disagree with him about a few things, like the good in every man, I know he is one of the best persons in Panem.

"Katniss?" he interrupts my thoughts. What does he want now?

"Yes?"

He bites his lip, hesitating. "Remember what I said about us not going to be able to come out here in the next weeks?" Where is he going? What does he mean?

"Yes." Wow. My choice of words is really varying. "Why?"

"Well, because now that I'm out here, I don't want to leave. Not so soon. I want to stay a bit. But…not without you. So…what I'm trying to ask is would you mind staying?"

I didn't expect that to be his question. But now that I think about it, I don't want to leave either. I like our days in the woods and now, with the games, I can really need a distraction.

I smile at him. "Not at all."

He seems so happy and his expression is so…cute that I have a sudden urge to hug him. I don't do it though. I don't even know where that came from.

Come to think of it, that happens quite often lately. I don't know the reason, but at the moment I don't care.

Peeta takes my hand and helps me up and though I don't need it, I don't push his hand away. After holding it for three hours while watching the games, it feels familiar in mine. Familiar and right.

We spend nearly the whole night out there, doing other things than usual. Peeta, always the artist, points out how different the colors are.

I see animals I've never seen before. Nocturnal animals. I've never been in the woods at night and now I regret it. It's as beautiful as it is in daylight, maybe even more.

When we are to exhausted to wander around anymore and find a small clearing, we watch the night sky.

"I said once the sunset belongs here. And I still think so. But the stars and the moon do even more. I wish I could draw them."

I smile. Typical Peeta. Always wanting to draw everything, to keep every moment. "You can do that when you come home."

"It won't be the same. I don't think I will be able to remember every detail." He sounds a bit upset.

This time, I actually laugh. Leave it to Peeta to be upset about something like that. "What? Why are you laughing at me?" He says in a fake hurt tone, which makes me laugh even more.

"Oh nothing. It's just that I wouldn't be able to draw more than a few yellow dots on a blue background." He laughs, too.

"I could teach you." I snort at that thought. "Oh, come on. I'm no artist, you said so yourself."

"You aren't. But who says you can't try?" No, you will not talk me into drawing lessons.

"I do. I'm a lost cause, believe me." I am indeed. Prim tried to teach me once. The success was...rather modest.

Then we playfully fight a while about whether or not I should learn it, until we're both too tired to come up with new arguments.

Before we fall asleep, we decide to go home. It would be dangerous with all the animals out here, animals that surely wouldn't mind sleeping prey.

He brings me home, wishes me a good night, "Or what is left of it", he says with a wink and then makes his way home.

I can't help but smile. I totally forgot about the games out there. But I didn't forget about the promise to myself. I will get my answers.

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><p><strong>READ THIS! IT'S IMPORTANT!<strong>

**I wanted to ask you something (since HungerGamesLover1020 asked me). What I do is trying to show the discontent in the districts a bit in Katniss' and Peeta's mind. Well, the growing discontent, actually. Because this is needed for a rebellion. So my question is if I should write a rebellion, or only do an epilogue. Don't worry, the end of this story isn't too close, but if I decide to write the actual rebellion, I have to start doing it soon. **  
><strong>And I might have to change some things, like the genre and I'll have to take the 'it's rated T but you can read it if you're younger than it, too' back, because a war is definitely NOTHING for someone who is nine or ten. At least not the way I'd write it. I'm a realist and in my opinion, there is no way to moderate a war. <strong>  
><strong>So you see, it's really important for me to know. <span>You can review or PM me and there is a Poll on my profile<span>, use the way you like, I will count everything together.**

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><p><strong>That's it. Chapter nine. <strong>

**I'm sorry, this chapter isn't my best, but it was necessary. Katniss original intention was to get to know Peeta and I want her to slowly realize how he thinks.  
><strong>

**Yeah, well, do you know what you should do now? No?**

**Leave me a REVIEW!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you so, so much BBree23, elisemellark _(don't worry, if I decide to do it, there will be)_, TheGirlWithTheSilverTongue _(thanks again)_, SilverLuna, DandelionOnFire _(Aww, thank you, feel hugged;). And yup, you figured it out. But it wasn't really that hard;) No, you're not a bad person. It's exactly what I want . It's much funnier this way. Oh, and did I ever tell you I just LOVE your reviews? Especially this one, because my email cut out your curse lol. I don't know why, but I laughed so hard:D I guess I'm weird sometimes…)_, Meg123, InLoveWithPeeta _(though it was a PM, you did give me feedback, so thank you)_, IwouldKillForaCheeseBun _(Yay, you're back )_, Charm Chaser _(They did come. But it wasn't very important at that point, so I decided to skip it)_, ohmygawdpeeta _(at least you're reading{and liking} it now)_, Aria-dancingdolphins15 _(I don't know where that comes from{with the iPod I mean}and about Gale, don't worry, I wouldn't skip that. To much fun for me;))_, Kari _(You gave me the idea for that chapter! Thanks!)_, MissAriannaDark _(Thanks)_, karlee, HungerGamesLover1020, lovetheboywiththebread1, LissaLeePond _(thanks, it means a lot to me that you said that. And thanks for your advise)_, KissPeeta, Teampeetaforever AND NOW A SUPER BIG THANK YOU TO MY 100th REVIEWER Pandora1984 !  
>I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVELY REVIEWS! AND SO MANY! 100 REVIEWS:D<br>**

**So apparently, I didn't screw the last chapter up. Good. Because when I started writing, I had no idea what to do;)**

**Well, anyway, since I got so many different answers, I'm just going to leave the rebellion question unanswered till 2012. This way I have more time to think about it. Because I am the one who'd have to write it and it isn't that easy to do. I hope you're not mad at me :)  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.**

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><p>Chapter 10:<p>

It's been one week since I made the promise to myself about getting Peeta's answers. And I didn't come one step closer. Except our night in the forest, of course. But I don't really count it, because this was the day I made the promise.

Peeta came over to watch the games again, but we didn't have these kind of conversations anymore. If I didn't know better, I'd say he wants to avoid them. He wants to avoid my questions.

And then, while I'm already at the topic avoiding, there is something, more like someone else that comes to my mind. Gale. I haven't spoken to him in three weeks and I feel bad about it.

I mean, sure, he has crossed the line. He shouldn't have kissed me. I don't think I have those kind of feelings for him. But he is still my best friend. My hunting partner. The one who has been there for me for years. I won't forget that because of one fight. No matter what he said.

This are the two thinks I think about most often lately.

But for today I decided to do the more important thing out of the two. I decided to make up with Gale.

I don't think this is going to be easy though. Knowing Gale, he is still mad at me. Why else would he be avoiding me?

And there is another problem, too. My stubborness. I don't like saying sorry. Especially if I don't know what I am sorry for. That is what held me back the last weeks.

But I miss him. Hunting isn't the same without Gale. And he is my best friend. We really shouldn't ignore each other forever.

So I make my way to the Hawthrone's house.

When I knock at the door, Hazelle opens. "Katniss." She seems surprised. That makes me feel guilty.  
>Since I didn't want to talk to Gale, I didn't visit his house and with that, I also didn't visit his family. They're almost like my second family. I'm going to have to make up for that.<p>

"Katniss!" She had gotten over her surprise and hugs me. "I haven't seen you in weeks!"

I smile and hug her back. "I'm sorry. The Hunger Games and hunting…I didn't have much time." That's not exactly a lie, but it isn't the truth either. I mean, I was busy. But if Gale and I hadn't fought I would have come over with Prim, who went here once, to watch the games. I had an excuse though. Mother didn't want to go, she hasn't left the house since the games started, so I stayed, claiming to keep her company.

"I know. It's alright Katniss. I've missed you though." I smile. I really like Hazelle. Sometimes she is more a mother to me then my own is. Well, quite often actually.

"I missed you, too. Um, Hazelle? I don't want to be rude or anything, but is Gale here?" I hope I don't hurt her. This sounds as though I didn't want to talk to her. I do. But at the moment, Gale is more important.

"No, dear, I'm sorry. But when I saw him leave, he said he would go into the woods. And hunt. But I think he wouldn't mind if hid hunting partner joined him, would he?"

Good question. So I assume he hasn't told her. Well, it's not like it told my mother either. So it shouldn't surprise me. But I always thought they had a close realationship where he tells her everything. She didn't fall into depression after her husband died and tried to provide her family, after all. And it is true that her and Gale's relationship is a lot closer than mine with my mother. But then again, he is a boy. Maybe it isn't like that between mothers and sons.

"No, I don't think so." I hug her again and go.

Well, I don't really think he minds. After all, he must have missed me too, right? But I do think he minds that I haven't talked to him sooner. Oh well, it was his fault. If he is upset with me about that, he should have tried to make up with me a few weeks ago. Or better yet, he shouldn't have kissed and insulted me in the first place.

So if I go to him, he will have to apologize.

When I arrive at our meeting place I find him sitting there, obviously deep in thought. What is he thinking about? Me?

"Hi", I say. His head shoots up, startled . No surprise there. I don't think he expected me to come here, so he didn't pay any attention to possible noises. Though I find that rather foolish, I mean, what would happen if a bear came here, I understand him. When I am in thought I don't think about anything else either.

When he sees me, he relaxed immediately. But then he seems to remember our last encounter and he tenses up. At least a bit.

"Katniss" is his answer. No Catnip? He must be really mad. "What are you doing here? Came to yell at me again?" This comment makes me want to leave again. But not before I say something myself.

"No, actually I wanted to talk to you. But apparently you don't want to talk to me. So I will just go home again and pretend you don't exist." I spit it out.

With that I turn around and start walking in the direction of the fence. If Gale doesn't want to talk to me, okay. It's not as though I'm going to beg pardon on my bended knee. I mean, what am I, his servant?

When I'm halfway there, I hear a "Katniss!". Ha! That's what you think. First insult her, but when you call her back everything will be okay. But not with me. I just keep walking, I don't even turn around.

"Katniss!" I hear again and this time it's closer. A few seconds after that I feel a hand grabbing my shoulder, forcing me to turn around.

"NO! Gale I wanted to talk to you, to make up and you? You have to insult me! I can seriously live without that! Have a nice day!" With that I shake his hand away and start walking again.

After a few steps he has caught up with me though. He is now standing right in front of my, forcing me to stop. And to look into his grey eyes. "Katniss, I'm sorry, okay?" Of course. That's the reason you sound so upset and irritated, I think. "But you…haven't talked to me in weeks and when you came to our meeting place I…thought it was an accident. That you didn't want to see me and it was just coincidence."

At the end, his voice sounds actually a bit sad. That's when my own anger starts fading. But that doesn't mean he is completely forgiven…yet. "You shouldn't have snapped at me. Even if it had been coincidence! I doesn't give you the right to talk to me like that!"

He swallows. "I know Catnip. And I'm sorry. But…you have to try and see it from my point of view. Not only that. Everything I said." What? What is that supposed to mean? Doesn't he think I've tried? Can't he see I didn't understand?

"I did! But…I couldn't! It's…You…I don't know what to make of it! You crossed the line, I hope you know that! I never thought you'd think of me as a…prostitute." I have to swallow before I manage to hiss the last word. Yes, that's how it started. Not the kiss. But with this accusation.

His eyes go wide. He isn't unaffected by my last word either. "Katniss, I never meant to say that. It just slipped out! I was so angry!"

"Do you think that's an excuse? You know I'd never, ever do it! You should know." I add the last sentence because, at least back then, he obviously didn't.

He shakes his head. "No, it isn't. But…Katniss I may have overacted, but don't you think I have a reason?" No, obviously I don't. Otherwise I wouldn't have snapped.

"What would you say if I suddenly started hanging out with some merchant chick? What would you do if you knew I hid something from you?" Oh. That's a good question. Honestly, I don't know. But I surely wouldn't accuse him of sleeping with her, would I? No. I'm sure of it. I would never do that.

"Not what you said." It comes out more as a whisper then anything else.

"But you do understand." He says with new confidence. "Catnip, I didn't want to hurt you. But I…don't like seeing you with him. He's only going to hurt you."

Oh great, now we're at the topic Peeta again. But how can I make Gale understand Peeta won't hurt me? I mean, how is he even supposed to do that? "No Gale. He won't. Besides, he isn't the one who did."

I'm determined to change the topic. I don't want to talk to Gale about Peeta. For some reason they can't coexist in my mind. And I'm not here to talk about Peeta. I'm here to talk with Gale about our fight. Though I have to admit this is not going the way I wanted it to.

But my words have the effect I wanted them to have. Gale blushes a bit and look away, trying to come up with an answer. "I know. But…Katniss open your eyes! Even you can't be that blind!"

Gale wants to continue, but I interrupt him. "Enough! That's not the reason I'm here. Gale, I want my best friend back! But if all you do is keep complaining about my friendship with Peeta…Well, I don't need that. Then I'll go."

I'm just about to push him out of the way when he says. "Katniss, I'm sorry. It's just that I don't want to see you getting hurt. And I overacted. I know that now. I want you back, too. Hunting is not the same without you. I miss you."

Wow. I've never hear Gale talking like that. But I don't mind. In fact, I'm glad we're finally going somewhere. "Yeah, me too. But I'm still not entirely sure you won't do it again." That's true. My life is enough struggle. I don't need a best friend whom I have to fight with every day. "And I won't break my friendship with Peeta. If you want to continue being my best friend you'll have to accept the fact that he is my friend, too.",

He sighs. "I don't like it. I mean, I don't like the idea of you two being friends. Still. But I won't say anything."

"Really?" I didn't expect him to agree so fast. Though I think this is due to the fact we haven't spoken in weeks. But honestly, I don't care why he agreed. I'm just glad he did.

"Yes, really." He falls quite for a few seconds. Then he says: "Can I hug you now?"

I laugh. The expression on his face shows worry, but I know that's fake. And it just looks so funny. "Sure." I answer and he takes me in his arms.

When he does so, something strange happens. I feel myself comparing it to Peeta's hugs. And what I find is somehow…scary. Not really scary, but surprising. I didn't think it would be this way.

When Peeta takes me in his arms I feel warm, I feel protected. I sometimes catch myself wishing he wouldn't pull away but hold me closer.

But now, in Gale's arms I feel nothing like that. It feels nice, in the way every hug does. I feel loved, but in a brother sister way. It's like when Prim hugs me. And when he pulls away, I'm perfectly fine with it.

This shouldn't be a reason to worry, really, it's just a hug.

But I am worried. Gale and Peeta are both my friends. And Gale is my best friend, whom I've known for years, so if I feel protected in anyone's arms, shouldn't it be his? And why do the hugs even different? I mean, they are both my friends, so both their hugs should feel similar. But they don't and that confuses me. Is it just the fact that I feel protected in Peeta's arms after we watched the Games together and he held me, like my father di, or is there something else?

I shake my head. No. No, that's everything there is to it, nothing else.

"Is everything alright?" Gale's voice makes me snap out of my thoughts. "Yes. Everything is fine now."

He doesn't look convinced. "Why did you shake your head then?"

He wasn't supposed to see that. "I am just happy to have my hunting partner back and I was shaking my head because you asked me if you could hug me. I mean, you knew I wouldn't say no."

He grins. He bought it. "Yes, I did. But I liked it better this way. More fun for me!" He exclaims and lifts me off my feet.

"He, let me down!" I laugh. This is the Gale he is supposed to be, the Gale that is my best friend, the Gale that didn't kiss me.

He brings me into the woods and we hunt the rest of the day. Neither of us mentions our fight or the kiss again and we both pretend everything is like before. Good.

Now I have reached my first goal. Now I have to reach my second. Getting my answers from Peeta. And I have a feeling that is going to be a lot more difficult.

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><p><strong>Yeah, this chapter is more a filler than anything else. And it's short! I'm sorry for that. But it's important to have happened, because otherwise the next chapter would have gone different. So thanks again to Kari for giving me the idea by mentioning I need Gale again!<strong>

**And this is the second last chapter in this year. One more is going to follow, hopefully before or at Christmas, after that, I'm not at home anymore and celebrating with my family:)  
><strong>

**Please leave me a REVIEW!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you so, so much DandelionOnFire _(Ha,ha, P.P.P.S xD Oh well, I didn't get an e-mail, but I saw you did it. Thanks for saying I deserve my reviews, too. And I hope this chapter will not disappoint you;))_, Aria-dancingdolphins15 _(Thanks again!)_ , HungerGamesLover1020 _(Thank you. Merry_ _Christmas!), _CharmChaser_ (More fluff, huh? Let's see what we can do...:D)_, IwouldKillForaCheeseBun _(Thanks a lot! That's a big complement for me, because I love writing:D And I know it was short. But I honestly didn't know what to write_ _anymore...)_, Amanda332czx _(Sorry, it wasn't supposed to sound like that. She didn't find it scary that it was like a sibling hug, she found it scary that she felt two different things. And you're right about feeling protected in both hugs...now that you pointed it out. But it's just that...I don't know. While writing it I thought of hugging my brother...and I don't feel protected when I do that. I feel like I'm the one protecting.),_ ISheartandsoul _(yes, that's the reason it's up today!),_Funkypurplerhino ,Kari _(I'm not sure about that. I always thought she is rather confused and doesn't have real feelings for him. And then she thinks she does when he suffers. Think about it. She doesn't know if she feels anything when he kisses her, which made me assume she doesn't. I think she always persuades herself she does because she feels guilty. Peeta is what the Capitol gave her. And she hates the Capitol. So Gale is more a political choice...{for more explantation read my answer to "Galelover"}Oh, and this Chapter may seem rushed, but don't judge until you've read the next, alright?)_, BBree23 _(Thank you. Happy holidays for you too),_ elisemellark _(oh, come on:) I do. What would I do without Gale? I love writing about him...for some strange reason...and he is her best friend) _and Galelover_ (first, thank you. And in the first book it says she doesn't want marriage at all. After the Games, when she has to marry Peeta, she thinks about what it would be like to marry Gale. But in my story, she has never been in the Games, so she does have a choice and that choice is not to marry at all)__  
><em>**

**This is my Christmas present for everyone reading, reviewing, alert-ing and favorite-ing (this aren't really words, but who cares?) this story. Thanks for your support!  
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**So I wish you a Merry Christmas! Fröhliche Weihnachten! Joyeux Noël! ¡Feliz Navidad! Feliz Natal! Hyvää Joulua! Boun Natale! And every other language that I can't write with my keyboard!**

**Here is the next chapter. Just like I wanted it to be. I loved writing it for you and I hope you will like it. Oh and I noticed I forgot the stupid 's' in Chapters *slaps forehead*. Meaning, in the last Chapter it didn't mean that the last chapter was important for this one, well, maybe a bit, but more for the others.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games. But at the moment, I'm to relaxed to be upset about that fact.**

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><p>Chapter 11:<p>

The next time I have a goal I should really start working harder and faster in order to reach it. Because today is the last day before my time is up. And I still haven't gotten one answer.

Last week, two days after Gale and I's talk, the games ended. After a three hour long, bloody battle the girl from district 2 won. Just like everyone suspected she would.

Well, if you can call it victory. Her once pretty features vanished and she lost one eye and one finger. That's not what I would call pretty anymore.

But that was the last day I saw Peeta. I have to admit that I didn't really try to talk to him, though I don't know the reason. Maybe I'm actually a bit scared. But then again, why should I be scared? Of what? His answer? How can I be scared of an answer I don't even have? And even if I was, why? What could he possibly say? I mean, it's not as though he would do something as stupid as Gale…would he?

I shake my head. Great. Now I start acting like Gale. Thinking Peeta would hurt me in some way. But he's Peeta. He would never say or do anything that would hurt me.

So how come I can't bring myself to just go over and talk to him?

And even if, how am I supposed to do it? I mean, I can't just go over to him and say 'you said you'd answer my questions "later". I want later to be now'. He would do anything but answer me then. But what else can I do?

"Katniss!" I hear someone exclaim. Prim. "What's up, little duck?" "Katniss." She says, quiter now that she is standing in front of me. She smiles. "I just wanted to tell you that you are doing it again. Staring holes in the air, I mean. I thought you told me Peeta had explained everything. But that look on your face is the same one again. You're thinking about something. Spit it out!"

I have to smile, too. Prim. Just always trying to help me. And to get me to talk. And she's so sweet I can never refuse. But the last time I asked her something about Peeta her answer wasn't that helpful. Well, at that time. Now I understand what she meant…so. Oh, I'm giving in. Again. So I sigh. "Yes Prim, you're right."

She nods. "Is it about something Peeta said again?"

"Yes…kind of. I want to talk to him about something…and…I know it sounds stupid, but I don't know how." Oh my. Here I am, asking my little sister for advice. And it's not the first time either. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? But then again, I can't ask my mother, can I? What would she think? Gale…I think that's out of question. And Peeta, well, I can't talk to Peeta about how I'm going to talk to him. So Prim is my only option either way.

Prim giggles. "That's your problem? How about you just go visit him and talk to him? I don't think he would mind."

If only it were that easy. Wait a second…It is. What is up with me? Do I not want to talk to him? No, I do, I know that. So seriously, what is my problem? I imagine just standing up now and going to the bakery and talk to Peeta. And I feel…nervousness? Nervousness? Why would I be nervous? It's just Peeta! What's happening with me? Prim is right, he won't mind. I think he even mentioned he doesn't have to work today. So why can't I bring myself to go?

Prim has triumphant smile on her face now. "See? There is no reason!" Should I tell her?

No. No, it's enough what I told her, she doesn't need to know about me being nervous. And that means…I have to go. Alone in order not to have to tell Prim I have to go. Oh well. I would be upset with myself if I didn't do it anyway. So I decide to ignore any stupid feelings. A feeling I don't understand can't be that important, right?

So I stand up. "Okay Prim, I'm going to go." And I have a bad feeling…if only I knew why.

Even though I thought this feeling can't be important, I think about it the whole way into town. It makes me hesitate, every minute I cosider turning around and going back. But then I come up with a new argument which lets me keep walking. I'm even gnawing my fingernails again. I'm so deep on thought, in my own fight, that I don't even notice everything around me. That is until I, while rounding a corner, bump into someone.

In a matter of seconds the arms of the person are around me, stopping me from falling. Something about this is familiar. But I only now what it is when I look up.

That's what I call the irony of fate. Peeta. The reason why I didn't see him was because I was in thoughts about him. Ironic.

"Katniss." Is all he says. "Peeta." Is my reply. We both stare at each other for a few seconds before we realize he's still holding me. Emberrassed he lets go and I cough. What was that?

"I'm sorry." I stutter. Stutter. What's up with me? I clear my throat. "I didn't look where I was going."

Thank god, he is as embarrassed as I am. His face has a slightly different color, a bit redder. "Yeah, me too. I…I was searching you, actually."

That's a surprise. I am, after all, not the one who left questions unanswered, who tried to avoid answering. "Really? Why?"

He shrugs. "Why not? You're my friend, aren't you? I haven't seen you for a few days. And I have the day off. So I thought why should I not visit her?" Yeah, we're friends. But I haven't thought this way in the last days. I mean, it shouldn't surprise me. What are our days in the woods for? I can tell myself something about finding new places to hunt as often as I want to, those days are just for fun. That's the reason I like them so much, isn't it?

"Um, yeah, why not? Actually I was looking for you, too." Should I tell him about my real intentions? No. It's too early. I'll just wait until we get at the topic again. And knowing us, we will.

Peeta smiles. "Well, that's what I call coincidence. Then how about we just spend the day together?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice. But we can't leave the district today. The fence is live today." That's indeed true. When I tried to go hunting today I couldn't. That's the main reason I thought about questioning Peeta. And that today is the limit of my self-put time.

He looks a bit disappointed. I understand him. The woods are a wonderful place to spend the day, but if we can't…where else can we go? Where else is any kind of beauty? "The meadow!"

I didn't realize I said it out aloud until Peeta asks: "What?" "The meadow. That's where we can go. It's the most similar to the woods and the best place I can think of." I mean, what else can we do? Window shopping?

Peeta has no better idea, so we spend the first few hours at the meadow, watching cloud pictures. It's a silly but funny game, one I used to play with my father.

When we both start seeing food like berries, bread or even a squirrel, we decide it's time to eat. I run home and take a bit self-made bread and we gather a few berries and apples. After we've had our picnic, he smiles. "So, you didn't tell me the reason you were looking for me a few hours ago. Or is there a reason?"

I swallow. Oh well, here I go. Now would be the perfect time to lie and say there isn't any reason. And with that I didn't have to ask him. Asking him makes somehow that nervousness come up again. But I also feel the urge to ask him and now is the perfect time for that, too. So I swallow again and decide to just do it.

"Yes, there is. I…I wanted to ask you some questions. You…you confused me and I just…" I trail off. I don't know how to ask that. The last time I wanted to ask him something was when I didn't understand his thoughts about the games. And back then he got me under some kind of trance and I was blabbering.

But this question is much more private and complex. And I don't really know where to start.

"Want answers?" He completes my sentence. I nod. Why couldn't I say that.

He sighs. "What are your questions?" That's it. My chance. He doesn't seem that reluctant to give me my answers at the moment.

So I start asking: "Okay. You…last week you said something and when I asked you about it you said I don't want to know! But I did! And before that you said you wouldn't be able to provide your family, something about not being strong enough!"

While I talk I feel more questions, questions I thought I had forgotten coming up. "You drew me and you captured everything perfectly. And that was only two weeks after we had first talked to each other. You were looking at me at school before. I thought it was because of the bread, but I'm not sure about that now. You were nice to me, even though you knew I could have been very impolite. And I would have, if it wasn't for the bread. When I decided to take you out into the woods, I wanted to figure you out. And what do you do? You confuse me even more! Why did you give me that bread? I believe, no, I know you have a good heart and I know that's a reason but still…And I know you said it was because of your father loving my mother, but wouldn't your father have tried to help us in that case?

Peeta I know this may sound stupid, but I feel as though…there's something missing, some piece in the puzzle. And I can't understand what it is. When you told me what you think about the Games out in the woods I thought I was a step closer to the answer. But I wasn't. I understand how you think now, but there's still something I don't know…and this is driving me crazy, because it seems to become clearer and clearer and I still can't wrap my mind around it."

After I've said so much I need a short break to catch my breath. And Peeta seems as though he needed some time to digest everything I said. I can't blame him. I think I need that time myself.

I didn't know I had so many questions. And this thing with the puzzle…it only occurred to me while talking. I don't know where that came from. But I think this is right, this suspicion. Also for some unknown reason, I feel lighter now, it's as if some weight I didn't know I felt had been lifted off my shoulders .

However, Peeta doesn't look very relieved, in fact he seems rather burdened now.

"Oh. I hadn't realized I…I said so many things to confuse you. I'm sorry. But I don't really know how to answer your questions. I…" I cut him off. "So there are answers?"

If there is an answer, I want to know it. And he can tell me. He is my friend, after all. And he sighs. "Yes. But…I told you you don't want to know. Believe me."

Obviously I didn't make it clear that I do indeed want to know. "Yes I do. Peeta it can't that bad. I mean, what is the worst thing that could happen?"

His voice is deeper now. "I don't know. You could hate me. Or never want anything to do with me. I don't know." What? Now he makes me really curious. I mean…at the moment I can't imagine to hate him. What would his answer be that he thinks I wouldn't want to see him again?

My voice has a serious tone now, just like his. "Why? I can't…I mean, why should I hate you? Whatever you're hiding, it can't be that bad! You…you aren't Snow's son or something, are you?" Who knows? I mean, that would be a reason to hate him. But really, I can't imagine that's the answer.

Peeta actually laughs, but it's a nervous laugh. "No, it's not THAT bad. Well, I don't think it's bad at all, you just won't…like it."

I roll my eyes. "I won't like it. You don't even know if I won'T like it. But whatever it is, I'm sure I can live with it. Come on, try!" "Katniss I..." He tries to chsnge the subject, I know it.

"No! Peeta, whatever it is, I want to know! So tell me!" I'm getting impatient now.

He seems still hesitant, his head down. I reach forward and tilt it up with my hand, focing him to look me into the eyes. It seems to have an effect on him, because he sighs.

Peeta then picks a dandelion. "What do you...?" I'm cut off by him starting to talk: "Do you see this flower?" I nod. Where is he going with this? "What do you think of when you see it?" Though I don't understand what this has to do with my questions, that's a good question, one I want to answer. Usually, that reminds me of him and it does today, too. But it also reminds me of something else, now that he asks.

"My father once told me that dandelions make wishes come true. When you blow the parachutes. My dad was always right, you know? But not with this. Nothing can make wishes come true. Even a dandelion can't."

I remember the dandelion I picked, right after Peeta's and my eyes met in the school yard. The bright yellow. How could it make wishes come true when it became gray, when it became a blowball?

"Even?" he asks. I didn't notice I said that even. That must be because of him.

"When we first out here, you drew a picture of me holding a dandelion. That was when I noticed how well you could draw me." I added this because I had in no way forgotten about my questions. "I asked you why I had been holding this flower. You answered that it had been a dandelion because it had been the flower I picked this day five years ago." He knows what day I'm talking about. "I told you how I remembered how to survive. What I didn't tell you…from that day, there was a connection. Between you and the bread of course. But also between you and that dandelion. From this day, I saw you as the boy with the bread. And as a dandelion."

He smiles a heart-melting smile. What is so special about this? Not that I mind... "You said wishes don't come true with dandelions. But wasn't it your wish to keep your family alive?"

"Yes, it was. But where is the connection?" Where is he going with this? Does he want to say he gave me the bread because of some...family feelings?

"You said I am like a dandelion for you. You said I am the boy with the bread for you. So what if the breads where my parachutes? Most parachutes fly away when you blow them, that's right. But a few fly to your nose, your cheeks or your hands. And this were the two loaves of bread you got. The parachutes you blew with your need."

Usually, this would upset me. That he makes me seem weak. Even if I was back then.

But at the moment, I'm just to caught up in the picture in my head. A beautiful picture. A picture that seems to be answering the bread-question...in some way I can't understand right now. And maybe, while answering this one and if I was right with my puzzle, it's also answering the other ones. Again, he didn't need his pencil to create a masterpiece. He did it with his words. He really does have a way with words. What he said makes sense. Though it sounds like a dream, a wish, I understand it. What he said… it seems right.

"Maybe. But…that was one time. I mean, it won't work always, would it? One dandelion one wish! And...how would that answer anything?"

I'm talking about him now. I'm drawing in his own picture. Though it does seem to become the answer, I'm still too confused to understand. And besides that, he can't always make my wishes come true. Those things I wish, I mean. Like escaping in a different world. Where I don't need to worry, because there are no Hunger Games. This is an old dream, one I had before my father died, one that stuck. It's the only thing I want.

He takes my hand. I may have found this strange if he had done this in any other moment, but right now I'm to concentrated, to curious for his answer . "You're going to know soon. And yes, you're right, one dandelion one wish. But what happens to the parachutes that don't come back to you?"

I answer him, though I still don't know where he is going with this: "They fly away and land somewhere else."

He nods. "Right, they do. And where they land will grow another dandelion, waiting to be needed. A dandelion never really dies. As long as there's one parachute left, one that lands and grows, a dandelion will live, too. Rebirth, you know? It's as though it will always be born again, waiting for someone who needs it." He says, turning the flower to and fro. His eyes bore into mine again, the way they did two weeks ago. The way that makes me talk.

Is he waiting for someone to need him? Is that, in some strange way the answer? "Are you waiting?" I ask him, taking a step closer.

For some unknown reason, there's something about this moment, about him and his eyes, drawing me closer. He takes my second hand with his, the one with the flower.

"Yes. I am." The way he says it, it sounds like he is waiting for a special person to need him. With a special expression on his face and a voice I can't describe. Not deep, no, but with a depth in it. He makes me take dandelion with a squeeze of his hand and I don't refuse. I may not need him like I did when he gave me the bread. But I don't want to loose him.

"Are you waiting for me?" I know the answer, but I need to hear it.

"Yes." He answers again. His voice is barely above a whisper now. And I don't want an explanation. I don't need one. This is the last step before the final answer.

Because now, at this moment, on this meadow, with our hands intertwined, I feel how his face comes closer to mine, so our foreheads are touching. My mind is screaming 'run away'. I hear Gale's words again. I remember how he kissed me. I remember my resolutions, my thoughts about these kind of things.

But when Peeta's lips touch mine, I don't care. I forget everything that was on my mind and for once, I don't listen to what it is telling me.

All I care about, all I can concentrate on, are his lips on mine, warm and gentle. And while they move, I feel a stirring inside my chest. A warmth, something I've never felt before. Overwhelmed by this feeling, I kiss him back.

It's not like when Gale kissed me. Back then, I thought there should be something I feel, anything. Back then, I thought that maybe I just didn't want to feel anything.

But right now, at this very moment, I know I couldn't not feel it. It's a warmth, filling me, making me feel hope and freedom. Making me feel a way I've never felt before. Like this is right, this sweet, gentle moment. Like I can just forget and live.

When we pull away he has a smile on his lips and his eyes sparkle. I think I must have a similar expression on my face, at least that's what it feels like. Yes, this is the answer. This is what he didn't want to tell me.

And with that thought everything comes rushing back to me. Everything that led to this and everything I thought before. I realize what I have just done. And now I know why he didn't want to tell me. It's because of my reaction.

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><p><strong>Oh Katniss. This is what happens if you ask the wrong questions and get too caught up in the moment:) Even to her. Remember, even Katniss is just a teenage girl:D No seriously, she is, so forgive me if you think that was too early (though it did take them about nine months). And Peeta is only seventeen, too. What was he supposed to do when she wouldn't drop it? I thought it was the best way to answer...and Peeta and Katniss have to complicated...otherwise it wouldn't be them:)<br>**

**I hope you like it! I found this chapter fitting for Christmas…the celebration of love! Even if the ending is...oh well.  
><strong>

**And do you know what you can do to give me a little present, one that will make my day? Leave me a Review! When I come home again I'd love to find your reviews!**

**So please write me one! I wish you a Merry Christmas again, and a Happy New Year!  
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	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thank you so much aihpomila _(*grin* You aren't supposed to know that:D)_, MissArinnaDark _(Oh god, no! Of course they do like each other. And about the other questions...oh well, read the chapter:D)_, SilentMockingjay _(Thank you__! And good, because I was so worried about that...:))_, ohmygawdpeeta _(Thank yo__u:))_, DandelionOnFire _(Ha,ha,ha. Oh god, you made me laugh, you have no idea. Though I think Katniss wouldn't be too happy about you marrying Peeta:D To answer your question {about your feeling}: Because it is supposed to sound like that! And yes, because she is Katniss. Oh no, you're not a pervert...you're a fan-girl...I guess:D And yes, Josh is damn hot(I watched "_Journey to the Center of the Earth" only to squeal when I saw him...so damn sweet when he was little. Yeah, and I like the movie:D)_ ! Oh god, I'm swearing again...xD. I should end that now...it's getting awkward;) THANK YOU!)_ Kim _(I'd never in a million years give up:) And thank you!)_, CharmChaser _(:D Yeah. believe me, I'd love to. But...unfortunately I can't and won't;))_, BBree23 _(I don't think they celebrate Christmas. They aren't religious)_, HungerGamesLover1020, SaguineIncendium _(Thanks:))_, Amanda332czx _(I celebrate Christmas:) And now OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH! And I'm glad I made your day better:D)_, musicalexpert _(thank you SO much for saying that!:D)_, KissPeeta_ (Thanks)_,**Aria-dancingdolphins15** _(Thanks. And who doesn't?),_ SaintTail6 _(THANK YOU SO MUCH! That means a lot to me:D)_, Laniebanie _(again, thank you so so much!)_, Big fan _(WOW, thanks, that means so much to me:D)_, mysticalmango _(Thanks:) And yeah, it is quite funny isn't it...but now it's over:( Oh well, I'll survive it. And here is more:))_, HappyBlossom_ (oh, that's how it is supposed to be)_ , Tree Hugger11 _(PLEASE don't kill me for this chapter!)_ and [The reviewer without a name].  
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**Ha,ha, I got you wondering. Don't worry, that's not your fault. It's mine:) And I'm more than happy about that fact, too. **

**I'm sorry it took me so long to update but with Christmas and New Year and a family with too many cousins to count...well, I didn't have my laptop and even if I had had it, I wouldn't have had that much time to write, but I guess I said that before. This is even earlier than I thouhgt. My grandpa lent me his laptop after one week. I'm sorry though. I hope you forgive me:)**

**Well...enough about that. On with the story...**

**Disclaimer: This is getting boring...but I still don't own the Hunger Games**

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><p>What have I done? I can't believe it. That was wrong. What did I think?<p>

I mentally slap myself. I didn't think. Of course. This is just like me. I do think about my actions, but unfortunately, only afterwards. Like I have just proven.

I can feel my eyes grow wide in shock. This…this is unbelievable. I shouldn't have done that. We shouldn't have done that. Why didn't I listen to my mind? Why on earth did I kiss him back? What am I supposed to do now?

I have to clear my head. I have to get out of here. I can feel my breath getting faster. "I…I'm sorry." I manage to stutter out. Thinking is easy, but talking nearly chokes me. Peeta's smile fades and is replaced by a serious expression. Serious, confused and concerned. And sad. As though he knew what is coming next. That almost makes me take it back, but I can't. I just can't. "I…That shouldn't have happened. I…I have to go."

I try to let go of his hands, but he holds me back. I'm almost glad. But..No! I can't afford to think like that. I must not think like that! I want to go! "Katniss...please don't. I...it wasn't..." He doesn't know what to say. The look on his face almost brakes my heart, but I can't give in. I try to pull my hand away again, but he still doesn't let go.

"You shouldn't run away Katniss." He may be right but...

"I have to. Peeta this...this was wrong. I can't do this. I'm...this is against everything I ever wanted or..." I trail off. "Peeta, let me go." I say that with a tone in my voice that doesn't let him contradict. He mustn't. I don't know how long I'll be able to let my voice sound that steady. It feels as though it's about to break. But it mustn't. No matter how bad I feel.

He looks down at our hands. "I was right", he mumbles. "I shouldn't have told you."

Under different circumstances, I might have told him it was my fault. But at the moment I think he is right. I must not think anything else. I forbid it. And I have to go. This is the only way. I can't stay. It would make everything worse. "Please", is all I say. He knows. Please let go. Please don't make me feel even worse.

And finally, he does release my hands.

And, with one last glance at his sad, broken face, I turn around and start slowly going away. Oh, how I hate the fact that the fence has to be active today. Today when I need it the most.

I force myself not to glance back or worse, turn around. I can't go back to him. Can't let him see how this affects me. So, after I've left the meadow, I start running. Runninng anywhere, but not back to him.

Peeta. I don't want to think about him. I shouldn't. But I can't help it. I imagine him standing there with this hurt in his blue eyes and this…this expression on his face. Heart-break. That's the only word I know to describe it. And I hate to think I'm the one who caused it. This is what makes me so sad. It must be.

But there's no denying it. I can't really say whose fault it is but...the outcome is the same. I cannot talk to him again. I must not talk to him again.

This is not how it was supposed to be. Peeta was my friend, only a friend, nothing more. Until I had to ask this stupid questions. Questions I didn't drop. I should have listened to him, like he said. He...he should have said nothing.

Because, unlike with Gale, this time there is no pretending he overacted and kissed me because of jealousy. This time I have to live with the fact that Peeta Mellark, the boy with the bread, the dandelion that gave me hope, has feelings for me. Feelings that are more than friendship.

But most importantly, feelings I can't return. After my father died, I swore myself I would never get married and never have children because I would never want them or myself to suffer. I couldn't watch them enter the games, I couldn't live with the thought that there might be a time where I could not take care of them, where I could become like my mother.

And now I let something happen I swore myself I never would. And I can't even think I did the right thing right away like with Gale. I didn't push him away like I should have. I kissed him back. And now I have lost him. The very thing I didn't want to. Just like I didn't want to loose Gale...

Gale. He knew it, didn't he? He warned me, he told me Peeta would hurt me. But then again…did _he_ really hurt _me_? Wasn't it more the other way around?

No. I should stop thinking about it that way. But yes. It was me. Though...I can't. It wouldn't work. How would Gale say it? The odds are never in my favor. And it makes me sad and somehow...desperate.

"Catnip!" I hear. I stop dead in tracks. Speaking, well, thinking of the devil. Gale.

He runs up to me. "Hey Catnip. I was looking for you and..." He gives me a strange look. "Katniss...what happened?" Why does he know something happened? Is it that obvious?

"How...Why do you think something happened?" This doesn't sound very convincing, even to me. It sounds still weak. Maybe even weaker. And from the moment I say it I know it doesn't fool Gale as well. He knows me better than anyone else.

He confirms my thoughts by rolling his eyes. "Katniss, has anyone ever told you you are a really bad liar? Especially when you lie to your best friend!"

He is right of course, but I have to try it. I can't tell him. "Gale what are you talking about?" I try to sound annoyed and irritated. But it comes out as a whisper. This...I can't talk about it and I don't want to.

"Listen Katniss. I have never, like in absolutely never, seen you like that. At least not since we were friends. You look like...I don't know. As though you were about to..." He trails off. Why?

"About to...?" I ask. But my voice still isn't as strong as usually. And now I can hear the sadness in it. I have never felt like that before.

"Cry. You look as though you were about cry Katniss. So don't pretend nothing happened!" I can hear he is upset now. But...what am I supposed to do? I glance in the direction of the meadow even though it's out of my view now. But I don't say anything.

Gale groans. "Katniss, please tell me! I want to help you! I'm your best friend and I want to know why you look so hurt? What happened?" His gray eyes bore into mine and it feels as if he is reading my mind. I lower my head. I can't let that happen.

But apparently he followed my gaze. "Katniss, what is with the meadow? Damn, talk to me already!" Now he is cursing. His face hides nothing. He is frustrated.

And so I decide to tell him. I don't want to fight with him again and I don't think I can stand loosing another friend today. "Gale I..." Again it's a lot easier to think than to actually talk.

His expression softens. "Catnip I don't want to press you. I'm sorry. It's just that..." I cut him off.

"No, it's okay. I just...find it hard to talk about it." Now he only looks concerned.

"Katniss...has something happened to Prim?" Of course that's the first thing for him to guess. Nothing affects me as much as the fate of my little sister. Even the thought of her getting hurt is nearly killing me.

But I shake my head. After all, that is not the reason. Prim is, as far as I know, perfectly fine.

But now Gale looks very confused. Well, more confused than before. "But...if it wasn't Prim what else...who else...?" He stops. His expression is not only shocked but knowing, too. "Katniss." He stars and pauses. "Katniss, tell me it's not what I think it is."

I have a really bad feeling about this. "What do you think?" But I think...he is right.

"Tell me it's not about _him_. Please!" My feeling never betrays me. He is indeed right. I know my face must be showing it because Gale groans.

"Oh no. Katniss, what did he do? I'm going to kill him!" Now I upset him. Okay, so it was a bad idea to let him guess. But, as always, this realization comes too late.

But not only for him. For me, too. Because the earlier events come rushing back to me. And hit me with full force. Was it really just this morning that I bumped into Peeta? That I thought about stupid questions? Questions that ruined everything.

"Well, I...I asked him something and he...answered." That's not a lie, but it's not really everything either. And...my voice is breaking again.

Gale gets impatient. "Katniss, tell me! What did you say? What did he say? _What happened?_" I don't know why, but this is getting on my nerves. And before I can do anything about it, I am yelling.

"He kissed me, okay?" Then I clasp my hands over my mouth, thinking that that probably wasn't a very smart move.

Gale is stunned. He didn't expect that. "_THIS_ is the reason you're so _sad_? I mean, angry, okay. Even if I wouldn't like it, happy would be understandable. But there must have been something else! Otherwise you wouldn't be sad." Before I get to reply he speaks up again. Well, more like shouts. "Wait, _WHAT?_ He _kissed_ you? How dare he? I'm going to kill him!"

Under different circumstances I might have found this funny and childish. But at the moment I just feel angry. And the need to explain that I have a right to be sad. To defend myself. "No, you're not. It was...my fault too. I..." I don't want to tell Gale that I kissed back. I don't want to explain. Come to think of it, I don't even know the reason myself.

Why did I do it? I mean, I remembered everything. My mind told me to go. Why did I not listen? I mean, I know where this brought me! I should have known before! Why didn't I pull away?

"Your fault? How was it your fault? I mean, I don't believe you asked him to...do it!" He shudders in disgust. There. He just managed to get me more upset. I mean, I know he can't stand Peeta, but is it really disgusting?

"No, I didn't! but...I asked some questions and he...I...forced him to answer. Kind of." At the end I'm quite again. I don't really know how to explain. Maybe because I don't want to. Maybe because I can't.

"What did you ask? What kind of question was that?" Should I answer him? Is it even an option not to? I decide to do it. But not about the bread.

"It was the way he behaved, some things he said. I just...wanted to know."

"You wanted to know? Oh Katniss, I could have told you! I did tell you! I thought you were smart! I told you he would hurt you! You should have listened!" Yes, I should have listened. But I didn't. That's why I feel this miserable sensation now.

This is it. The reason I do not open up to people. In the end I only end up hurt when I do. And there is only one way to prevent that. I won't. In this moment I make a deal with myself. I will never again kiss anyone, how it was supposed to be. I will go back to the life I lived before this...this all happened. A life where Peeta Mellark is a stranger. I will never again let anyone in my life. Never.

Gale has calmed down by now. "Come on Katniss, let's distract you. The fence isn't live anymore, so we can go hunting."

I nod my head. I'll do it the way it was before. No thinking of anything, cold and unpolite, uncaring. I'm never going to care about anyone but Prim, Gale and my mother again. I already feel my face becoming the old mask.

But I can't help but think of the last time I made a deal with myself. And how it backfired...

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><p><strong>Soooooo...I think <strong>**it's 2012 isn't it? And what did I promise? *sigh* I promised to decide about the rebellion thing.**

**First I want to say that I spent several hours thinking about this question and I talked to some people about it. And here a special thank you to InLoveWithPeeta who helped me with her ideas. It really wasn't that easy, especially because I had good reasons for both options. But...oh god I'm talking too much again. So, I decided to write the rebellion. But not in this document. I'm going to let this end so everyone who wants to can quit reading. I'm going to write a sequel. This is the decision** **I ****like the best. So don't worry, this story is going to have an ending which can be your ending, everyone who wants more can read the sequel. Because the story won't be fully told if I didn't write that.  
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**Is every****one okay with this? I think you understand me:D**

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><p><strong>And now I have to say: I'm sorry:( I...I didn't want to...I'm just as mad at Katniss as you are. But she broke her heart as well. *Sigh* Alright, it is my fault. I'm a terrible person, I know. I let you wait a century and then...BUT IT HAD TO HAPPEN! You all knew it was coming, didn't you? <strong>

**And by the way, sorry if Katniss was a bit undecided during the chapter...she was just very confused and sad. Oh well...you can't kill me if you want this to continue so...**

**Ok, you know what is REALLY calming and how you can tell me just how much you hate Katniss? REVIEW!  
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	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thank you so much Aria-dancingdolphins15, Amanda332czx _(A little more than upset? What is he supposed to do? Beat him up:D)_, Kari _(oh, why don't you have an account? I could discuss this FOREVER with you. Yeah, they do have a bond. BUT she only started thinking about Gale that way when she was sent in the games. And then came Peeta and dun, dun, dun. There was the drama. Well, anyway, she doesn't consciously think about_ either_ of them that way. And since I always used NOT to change my mind, I'm very stubborn, she is just confused. It's never really clear that she feels more for him than friendship. Tell me one scene (EXCEPT for the wipping. That was under different circumstances) and I'm going to believe you:D)_, InLoveWithPeeta _(I already told you everything, didn't I?)_, ohmygawdpeeta, DandelionOnFire _(Okay, first: You caused me to watch the sweetest movie I've ever seen__! Little Manhatten! That was SO damn cute! I had a goofy grin on my face while watching it and I loved it SO much! Thank you! Oh, I can't believe I did that! I'm becoming so fan-girl-ish. I don't know why! I've never been like other girls! Oh Josh, why do you have to be so awesome? *cough* Okay, now a serious answer (as serious as I can). Don't worry, I took that as a compliment:D And yes, getting back to zero is a very good designation:D_ _Oh, and congrats to you to for writing a serious review:P)_, HungerGamesLover1020 _(Oh my god no! This is Katniss POV! And Gale wouldn't be that stupid. I mean, that would be a way to send Katniss flying into Peeta's arms:D)_, mocking-jabberjay _(When I first read your review I was like what the hell? Then I noticed it was about chapter 6...:D)_, Takeiteasycharlie (Thank you so much:D), Tree Hugger11_ (he,he, you know, I seriously started thinking about that...it would be very amusing:D)_, CharmChaser(thanks_ again), _musicalexpert, kat _(Oh god, I hope your mom won't kill me now...And thank you!)_, Alexis(thank_ you so much! Will you review, too:D?)_, KMloveya _(woohoo, someone who liked the chapter:) THANKS!)_ and BBree23 _(she didn't cry. But she did almost cry, and that's a lot for her. And THANK YOU!)_**

**Oh, and even though I think it's pretty obvious, _he_ is supposed to be Peeta. Don't wonder if he is always he in this chapter, it's supposed to be that way. Yeah, well, you're going to know what I'm talking about soon:)  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. So. Now you managed to remind me.  
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><p>I pull my string back. Concentrate only on my prey, a squirrel. I look in its eye and let go. The arrow flyes and hits the animal directly in the eye, where I wanted it to. I lower my bow to my side and smile.<p>

Hunting is the best thing on this earth. The squirrel fell off the tree and unfortunately landed on the opposite side of it. So I have to walk around the tree. And I do, after all I want to sell the squirrel.

I don't exactly know where it landed because the tree is rather big. My eyes are fixed on the ground, searching. But my well trained eyes quickly find it and I pick it up.

Only then I look up to see where I am. And I immediatly freeze.

Purple flowers. A clearing. I can almost see the deer standing there, grazing. Before I shot it.

I then look at the tree the squirrel was sitting on. And I feel a lump forming in my throat. I can almost hear our laughs now, how we were sitting on the tree, enjoying the day.

We. _He_ and I. I refuse to think his name, because of my deal. I'm determined to make it work this time, and it has to be flawless. No mistakes allowed.

I'm not even allowed to really think of him. But how am I supposed to do that when I am at this clearing? I will my feets to go back and forget, but my body is not listening to my mind. It's moving on it's own accord.

Instead of carrying me as far away as possibell they drag me to the middle of the clearing. When I have reached it I sit down and sigh.

How long has it been since I was here? A half year? A whole year? I don't know. I've lost track of time. But since there weren't any reapings since that night, I suppose it was a half year.

Really? Is it that long ago? I sigh again. Yes it is. It's almost as long ago as the last time I talked to him. I have to swallow when I think of it.

That was also the last day I allowed myself to think about him. When he did cross my thoughts after that I pushed it away. After that day he tried a few times to talk to me again, but I always ignored him. I couldn't let him get to me and I wouldn't. Eventually he gave up.

I still see him sneaking glances at me. Still see this hurt in his blue eyes. But I can't go back. And I won't. He will get over it and marry Delly Cartwright. I will provide my mother and Prim until mother dies and Prim is married. Then it will just be me. I mean, sure, I'll visit Prim, but I'll be alone when I come home. That's how it was always supposed to be. That's how it will be.

Prim. Her happiness is the most important thing to me either way. Only once I managed to really upset her. When I told her about what I think about _him_ now...I remember all too good...

_"Katniss, you've been acting strange lately." Prim says that in a matter-of-fact tone while she is milikng Lady. I promised to keep her company, so I'm sitting right beside her on a rock. Until now we've both remained silent and that's the reason her voice startles me.  
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_"What do you mean?" I ask. I don't remember acting any different with her than before. I'm still the girl I have always been since my father died.  
><em>

_Prim seems to think that it must be obvious, because she rolls her eyes. "Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about._ _I'm not stupid, you know." I never thought that. But I still don't know what she is talking about._

_"Prim, I have honestly no idea!" _

_That makes her look up at me, straight in the eyes. She must see my confusion, because she sighs. "You really don't know, do you?" I shake my head. Can't she just tell me?_

_"Well, there is that...that glint in your eyes. Or...more like the absence of it. When you smile I don't see your eyes laugh. You don't really talk to me anymore..." I cut her off._

_"I do talk to you! I always tell you everything about my day and..." This time, it's Prim who cuts me off. Strange. She never did that before. "That's not what I mean. You don't tell me what you think, what you feel anymore. I can't see how you feel anymore. You...you became like a stone. You've shut everyone out. You know, it was like one day your eyes shine and the next one they are...not dead but unfeeling. Uncaring..."_

_"Prim I do care for you! You know that!" I'm upset. Why would Prim think I don't care for her?_

_"That's not what I was saying! I know you do, it's just...you seem so cold Katniss. I'm worried about you!" Oh. Oh no. Prim is not supposed to worry about me, especially when everything is just fine. I don't want her to. She's suffered enough._

_"And that's not everything Katniss! Even Gale has noticed! He said you hadn't really talked to him for weeks! And you've stopped talking to Peeta..." She is about to continue when she notices how I cringe. I haven't heard_ his _name in weeks. It's forbidden and I've come to the realization that it's way easier not to think about him if I don't use or hear his name. I've also stayed away from him. I convinced myself it is better this way._

_There. Now she managed to make me think about him. Just great. _

_But then her words bring me back to reality. Her words and the tone in which she says them. "That's it, isn't it? Peeta. I haven't seen you talk to him since you started behaving this way. Come to think of it, he didn't mention anything about you in the last few weeks, either. But he looks hurt." I can just see how she is putting two and two together._

_"Katniss, what happened?" Her voice sounds warning now, it's as though she didn't really want my answer. How fitting._

_I really don't want to answer her. This would just be a reason to think about him again. The very thing I can't. I mustn't. So I say: "Nothing. Nothing happened. I just...I've come to the realization that we...that..." This is definetely not a good way to make her stop asking. But while I talked I did think of him again. Of how I felt when I walked away. And the sadness took my voice._

_I shake my head violently. No sadness. I don't know him. He is just any boy in my grade. I don't care for him. _

_That helps. I feel how the sadness disappears and is replaced by...yeah, a bit of a content feeling, but other than that, nothing. Really almost nothing. Maybe that's what Prim meant. But then again, isn't that what I wanted? To go back to my old self? And it works, apparently. Good._

_"There!" Prim says, concerned now. "You...it's happening again. That...that thing with your eyes." So I was right, that is what happened. But that's good, isn't it? Why should Prim be worried? That's how it was before._

_"Prim, it's okay. I've always been like this. I..." _

_"No you haven't! Katniss what happened between Peeta and you?" There was a time when my answer would have been something like not wanting to talk about it. Now I just decide to answer with the words I'm always telling myself._

_ "Prim, I don't know him. Not anymore. I'm going my way, he's going his and that's the best for everyone! Okay?" I've never talked in a voice that cold to her and I suddenly feel guilty about it. I'm about to apologize when she screams:_

_"WHAT? Why? You liked him, you told me! What has he done?"_

_Usually she would get anything out of me with that expression. Confused, concerned and kind of helpless. "Prim, I won't talk about him and that's it."_

_Prim looks shocked. "You have ended it, haven't you? Your friendship? He would never have done that! Katniss he is hurt! He doesn't want that! He really is sad, just look at him!"_

_I don't want to hear this. That I hurt him. I don't want to be the reason for his pain. And not physical, but mental. I can't deny I am, but to be faced with it...no. That's the ending! I can literally feel how my security walls shut around me and are closed. Walls of iron. My eyes are narrowed_

_"Prim, drop it!" It sounded as though I spit it out. I've never talked to her like that. It is my commanding tone. And I've never used it on her. Never. We never fight like that! That's just not right. Yes, ending Peeta's and my so-called friendship was the right decision. After all, this fight is about him. _

_I feel guilty though. That was wrong, I know she just wants my best. And I want to apologize again. But, just like before, I can't. Because Prim is talking first in a sad voice that makes her sound older than she really is: "Just don't let it destroy yourself."_

After that she left and with that she left me thinking about her words. I didn't, still don't, know what to make of it.

The day after that I apologized. Prim said it was okay and that it had been her fault, too, she said that after all se had shouted at me and that she gave me a hug, but I only felt better when she ated like always and it didn't seem acted. We didn't talk about that subject again. After that I did more things with her, we played and danced. It was really nice, even though it felt like something was missing.

And now I am sitting here, remembering. That was the last time I heard his name. I sigh.

This clearing seems to bring everything back, everything connected to him. Everywhere else I would be able to stop these thoughts, but not here. Not here, not the place of my happy memories and my escape from reality. And my body won't let me get up and move. I have a feeling I don't want to leave this place.

I've never really noticed how magical it looks. It's as though the flowers are shining, in a purple like some lights in the Capitol. Only that it doesn't look like the Capitol at all. There it looks man-made and fake. But in this clearing I wouldn't be surprised if an elf to jumped out of one of these flowers.

I actually smile. That's what my father told me once. When he first wanted to take me out here, I was afraid. Mother had said so many things about the forest and it sounded dangerous. But my father only smiled and said: "Out there are elves and they will protect us. They live in flowers, you know. In every flower out there is one elf."

And I asked: "Can I see them?" He laughed. My father had the most beautiful laugh I ever heard. Exept Prim maybe. And...No. No, no one else. No one could laugh like this, a laugh that was full of life and freedom.

"No." He said. "But whenever you see a beautiful flower, you can be sure there is an elf in it."

When I got older I knew this wasn't true. But my father loved flowers. That's why our, Prim's and mine, name are flowers. He said that was the reason he told me this, when I asked him. Because we are his everythings. His elves.

It's painful, thinking about my father, but it's also wonderful. When I remember him, I remember how he was the best person I ever knew. And what he taught me helped us to survive.

I look at the flower in front of me again. If only someone could help me. Father or an elf. Or just anyone.

I know what I did was right, but I just can't deny I feel...different now. Prim was right, I have changed. And I have that feeling it has something to do with _that_ day.

Wait, what was that? Since when does Katniss Everdeen need help? No! I don't! Everything is back to normal now, right?

I haven't realized I've stood up until know. My fists are clenched and my eyes are narrowed to slits. One question is running through my head. Why? What is this, this feeling I can't describe? Why do I feel so...wrong? Why is all this thinking so choking? Why does it fill me with guilt? I scream, frustrated. What is wrong with me?

I don't know. I don't know and it is not only frustrating but irritating, too. I'm not used to be not in control, to not knowing. And I really can't say I like it.

Why did I have to shoot this squirrel today? Everything went so well the last few month. I wasn't confused anymore, I didn't worry about anything but food and most importantly, I didn't think about _him_!

Yes, that is what makes everything complicated. This boy, the baker's son, and I don't know why! I was able to keep him from my thoughts for half a year! And then I decide to shoot a squirrel, find this clearing and have to remember all those month I had trapped in the back of my mind, memories I'm not allowed to have.

It's so wrong. Thinking about him. It hurts. After all this time, it still hurts. Why is that? What is the reason for that? Is it that I still remember that day as though it was only yesterday? That I don't feel like any time has passed?

I know it has. But...I don't know. It's just that it feels like before. One year ago I would have said that no time has passed since my father died and I started providing my family and hunting. Because every day feels like the same.

I wake up, I go to school, I hunt, I sell, I go to sleep. And that's what I do the next day, too. And the following day. And every other day. Of course, there's still this playing with Prim and talking to Gale. But even that is routine.

I sigh. I've done that a lot since I came here. But I don't really see the sense in staying. So I start getting up. And that's when I hear footsteps.

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><p><strong>What do you think about this chapter? If anyone wondered why Prim described Katniss like that and it was true, that's because of her deal. She just unconsciously shut herself comletely off so she doesn't show any feelings and can pretend she doesn't care. And that got her and she started living her role everywhere. I kinda liked writing it and I can't explain why...Oh well. If you need more explantation, PM me.<strong>

**By the way, I have a question. What do you think how old I am? It would just be interesting for me...You don't have to answer...  
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**REVIEW!  
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	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:Thank you so FREAKING much peetamellarkbuns, InLoveWithPeeta, Meg123 _(Don't worry, I think this chapter she's less cold:D...you may be sad_ _though_), DandelionOnFire _(I don't know if you'll like this chapter so much...I find it kinda sad:))_, Kari _(Do you have an account_? _If yes, PM me. But to what you said, yeah, but in this story Gale never provided her family:) And you really like Gale getting angry, huh?)_, Happy Blossom _(yeah well...make your __day...I'm not so sure about that...read though:D)_, Aria-dancingdolphins15 _(yeah, but she's way to stubborn to admit it:))_, ohmygawdpeeta _(he,he, yes, someone has to tell her;))_, Takeiteasycharlie_ (I'm glad you like my Prim:))_, L345 _(thanks. I know, she can be really annoying;))_, Tree Hugger11 _(I just love to read how you want it to go...especially their dialogues:D)_, HungerGamesLover1020 _(With Robbie Williams? If yes, I've seen it two years ago. It's so awesome! But it has an entirely different title in German, so I needed to search for it a bit:D)_, CharmChaser _(Why do I have a feelin__g you're gonna kill me for that chapter:D? Oh yeah...Must be the proposal...;))_, Bucsfan37 _(It's okay. Better late than never. And OMG THANK YOU SOO MUCH!)_, ILoveTheBoyWithTheBread _(THANK YOU__ SOO FREAKING MUCH! When I read you review I was overwhelmed xD. You made me SO happy:D)_, Amanda332czx _(Well, the root is edible. But it does have flowers. Kinda like potatos. I can prove it. Just search "Pfeilkraut" {it's the German name for the plant} in google images. You'll find images with flowers:D)_, BBree23 _(yeah...almost. But he doesn't feel better...)_, Alexis _(Thanks. I really liked w__riting it and I'm glad you enjoyed it:D)_, silverchicklet _(Why? Madge and Gale are nice together, but I don't think I'm gonna do that...)_, MissArinnaDark _(it's ok. I have your review now:D)_,SilverLuna1997_(Hmmmm. Yes, that's what everyone else is wondering about:D)_, theamazingtracy _(THANK YOU!)_ and TwilightLove100 _(Of course I continue:D)!_  
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**For the last chapter I got a few compliments about Prim being more mature than in the books. Well, there's a good reason. In this story Prim is 14 now, which means in the book she's already died. Sooo...she is just older, that's the reason.**

** And to answer Amanda332czx's question and maybe someone else was wondering, too, yes I did make a time jump. A half year, but I think Katniss mentioned that:D**

**And there were also a few reviewers mentioning the elves-thing. I have to admit, it isn't REALLY mine. I mean, I did it with Katniss, but actually that's what my father told me when he took me first really IN the woods, meaning away from the way. Yeah, I only added the names thing, because I have the name of a river (NO, not 'Tigris'):D**

**Disclaimer: I sadly don't own anything.**

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><p>Chapter 14:<p>

Now my feets don't refuse and I move as fast as I can. I have to hide! Whoever this is could catch me breaking the law. And kill me. Because Peacekeepers are allowed to go out here if they suspect anyone. And it's not as though no one knew about me.

I hurry to hide behind the nearest tree and not one second to early, too, because immediatly after I vanished I see two feets step on the clearing.

I knew I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I want to know who it is, and why he or she has stopped moving. So I risk a glance.

My heart almost stops and I stand here, frozen in shock. Because standing on this clearing, out in the woods, I see the last person I expected. After a few seconds, when I've come over my shock, I hide behind the tree again. And then the questions start forming in my head.

What is he doing here? Why is he here? Does he know I am here? Has he followed me?

But it doesn't take me long to see he hasn't. He just looks around the clearing once, probably looking if anyone is here. I quickly hide behind the tree again. I can't risk getting caught here by him.

Thinking about it, I should probably leave. I really should. I'm not supposed to be spying on him ,especially when everytime I look at him I feel that strange tightening in my chest. And this lump in my throat. The feeling I have every time I see him. This mixture of sadness, hurt, guilt and...something I can't quite place. Is it...longing? No, no it can't be. I refuse to believe that. But seeing him here, in this clearing, in our place has made this come up. And no matter how hard I may try, I can't shake it. So maybe, if I just stay here, hidden behind the trees, who would be hurt by it? And what if some wild animal comes here? He isn't aimed! It would kill him. Although I tell myself I don't care for him, I don't want him to die. So I have to stay here.

I take a deep breath and prepare myself for seeing him again before I take my old postion. This way I can see him perfectly, but he shouldn't be able to see me.

I watch how he takes his painting block out. What? Did he just come here for painting? I would at least have expected that he would have a kind of my thoughts. For some reason that upsets me. Does this really mean nothing to him? Did _I_ mean nothing to him?

That is, until I realize where those thoughts are heading. I mentally scold myself. What was I thinking? I'm not supposed to have this thoughts! It's good if he doesn't think of me anymore. Why would I want something else?

I shake my head. These thoughts are getting me nowhere. I focus back on him.

He is sitting there, cross-legged and is staring at his block. After a few seconds I realize his isn't only staring. He is flicking through the pictures he has already drawn. I don't see many of them, since I'm quite a few feet away, but I catch a few details though. A red dress. A cake. Something I figure must be the sunset. One of the flowers he drew when we were first out here. And finally, he stops.

I bend a bit father away from the tree to get a better look. It's a picture I haven't seen before, but I know immediatly what it is of.

I can make out a dark background, lit by beaming white points that must be starts. Only a bit of the picture doesn't have any stars, which makes me assume this is where the ground is. Lying there is only one person. A girl. Her hair is so dark I can only see it where it falls over her face and where the stars lit the sky. Even though the sky is breathtaking, she isn't watching the stars. She is looking directly in the eyes of the one who is looking at the picture. I can't really see it, but I imagine a smile on her lips.

I don't need to ask or guess what it is. I know this scene, though he hasn't drawn it while we were there. He must have memorized what I, what everything looked like at this night. A warm, comforting and happy feeling fills me. So he hasn't forgotten. I already feel the smile on the corner of my lips. Until I remember.

This was the last day everything was like this between us. I bite my lip. How could I? What's up with me? Why did I think this? More importantly, why did I feel this? I...I mustn't allow anything like this. It's forbidden. I remember why I wanted to forget that day so badly. It was like...the quiet before the storm and when I now think of what was coming next, it hurts again.

Yes, it hurts, but it is bearable. That is, until I look at the boy in the middle of the clearing.

He is still staring at the drawing, but that's not the only thing I see. There are also little drops, making their way down his cheeks. Tear drops. Every single on of them glimmers in the light of the sun. Every single one of them is my fault. And every single one of them feels like a dagger, boring it's way into my heart.

He suffers. I knew he was hurt, but I never thought it was like that, would last that long. And, what makes it only worse, is that the tears down stop. They don't even slow down. There are more and more and more. They are now streaming down his face, almost like the waterfall I once saw in the Hunger Games. The only difference: The waterfall was something beautiful, something I liked to watch. But I can't stand the thought that he is crying. Crying about me.

I wish the pain I felt when I thought about the night in the woods back. This pain was one hundred times better than what I am feeling now. My heart feels squashed. My head aches and my stomach cramps. Not in the way it does when you're sick, but in another unpleasant way I can't really describe. I hate feeling guilty, but I have never broken someone's heart before. At least not like that.

The urge to rush over to him and take him in my arms and tell him...anything to make him stop crying is so overwhelming that I can barely resist. And he doesn't even make an effort to wipe them away. But I have to resist. I can't go to him, can't comfort him. It wouldn't be fair. He's just sitting there, silently crying. Until his lips start moving. He is whispering something. I can neither see nor hear it, but when he adds his voice to it I'm shocked.

It sounds so different. Distorted and hollow, instead of clear and full of life. It's not the voice I'm used to.

That's when I feel something on my own cheek. I'm startled. That can't be true. I touch my cheek, where I feel something wet. No. I...I haven't cried in ages. But when I look back at _him_ I can feel the next tear forming in the corner of my eye.

I wipe it away, angry at myself. Why am I crying, why about him? I know I feel guilty, I feel sad, I feel hurt. But what is this doing to me? What is this boy doing to me, even when he doesn't know it?

I just...I can't stand it anymore. I have to go. Staying was a gigantic mistake. This day was bad enough, I have no idea how it could get worse now. But I have a feeling that if I stay, it will get worse.

So I gather all my willpower and pry my eyes away from him and this scene.

Just when I'm about to move, I hear something that stops me dead in tracks. "What are you doing here?"

I know this voice, it's familar. But I've never heard it as cold as that. First I think he's talking to me, but when I don't see him, there's only one option left. Gale is talking to the only other person in this woods. The boy that is sitting on this clearing, the boy that has been crying until a few seconds ago.

"You don't belong here." Oh. Right, Gale doesn't know about our trips in the woods. And when I hear him, I remember why I didn't tell him.

Of course I can't go now. I remember Gale's reaction when I told him about the kiss. And...Gale practically sees the woods as his territory. I know his angry fits. And I know the ones at me, his best friend. No, I can't go now.

So I go back to my tree. But this time I don't dare watching. There's a chance Gale could see me with his well-trained eyes...and I don't want either of them to know I am here.

"I was drawing." This time the blonde is speaking. I never knew he was able to lie that smooth. I can't hear anything in his voice. Not the slightest hint that he has been crying only seconds ago. Though, it is different from the voice I've come to know. It still sounds kind of hollow, but it also sounds convincing.

"I don't believe you." Gale again. So his eyes must give him away. No surprise there. I imagine they must be red by now. The thought makes my stomach drop again and I instantly feel bad. My fault. This is all my fault.

"You should. I can show you if you want." Yeah well, he does indeed have quite a few drawings of this clearing on his block. But if Gale sees the ones with me...it wouldn't be as good.

"No thanks.. I'm pretty sure I already know what I'll find on this block. But you haven't been drawing. You can't hide it Mellark. I see your eyes." So my guess was right. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel now. Usually, when I'm right, I feel content. This time I kind of wish I hadn't been right. I don't want to be right if it confirms I hurt someone.

This someone sighs. "What do you think I was doing?"

"Seriously?" Gale asks, but it's sarcastic. "Crying." How can he say that in a voice as cold as this? Crying. As though it isn't one of the saddest ways to express one's emotions. The worst emotions. Sadness. Hurt. Loss.

"So what if I was? Is it any of your business?" The other boy's words snap me out of my thoughts. He's right, of course. Why should he tell Gale?

Gale snorts. "It doesn't matter to me wether you are crying or not. What matters to me is the fact that this are the woods, a place a merchant would never, should never go."

Gale spits the word merchant as though it's venom. I know how much he dislikes them, because their life is so much easier than ours. And I don't think the fact that the merchant he is talking to kissed me helps a lot.

"Why not? What is so bad about us? What have they done to you?" Why is he first talking about us and then about them? He is a merchant, isn't he? So what…?

"You don't ask me what you've done to me?" I can imagine Gale raising an eyebrow now.

"No. I know about that. But what have the other ones done to you?" What? What do I not know? What has he done to Gale? Why didn't Gale tell me?

Suddenly I'm mad. At both of them. At one for doing something, at the other for not telling me. Gale is my best friend! But there's also the fact that I can't really imagine the other boy hurting Gale. What would his motives be? I don't know him like that!

I sigh. Did I know him at all? Or was everything a big lie? How am I supposed to know when he is able to lie like that?

"You are all the same. You're not better people than we are. You think you are, because you were born in town and are used to eating food every day. You laugh about the children from the Seam because they are so poor. You don't have to take out tesserae and why? Only because you were born in the richer part of the town, only because you have blond hair and blue eyes! That's the only reason your life is better than mine!" At the end he is shouting. I know his rants about the richer part of our district so I'm neither surprised nor shocked.

I always thought he is kind of unfair, though he is right. But they don't have control about where they're born. It isn't their fault.

I expect _him _to defend the town, his home and his family. But instead he says something I would never have expected. "Better? You think my life is better?"

"Of course. You always have food. You never have to worry about starving. What is so bad about your life?" It is clear Gale is frustrated with him. But those questions are absolutely justified. What _does_ the merchant mean?

"I don't have love. Family love, I mean. Not like you in the Seam do." I'm surprised by his answer, though I probably shouldn't be. I remember how he was happy to watch the games with us. His family doesn't watch them with him. Same with Madge. Well, not exactly. I'm sure her father and her mother love her dearly. But they both can't show it. Her father doesn't have time and her mother is almost always in her bed, sleeping because of some headache. And I have witnessed how the baker's wife treats her son before my very eyes, after all.

"Love won't keep us alive." That's what I always say, too. But…what would I do without Prim?

"Would you want to live without them?" I don't know why, but he completely managed to change the topic. It must have something to do with his way of words, I think. It kind of fascinates me.

Gale snorts. He know he has lost this one. So he spits the words out. "Of course not."

"And you're even more lucky." It's a statement. But I don't know what it is supposed to mean. How is Gale any different? Only because he is able to hunt?

"Maybe you're right." Wait. What did Gale understand that I didn't? This is, as far as I know, the first time they ever talked to each other. So how come Gale understands and I don't?

"But maybe you're not." What? Now I understand next to nothing. What are they talking about? "She misses you, you know? She's different. More distant. She may deny it, she may act as though nothing happened, but she's a bad liar."

She? Who is that she? Who is that girl they both seem to know so well? Why do I...?

At this moment it hits me. ME! It's me they're talking about! Wait. WHAT? Gale…what is he talking about? I don't pretend! I don't miss Peeta…do I?

And then I realize what I just thought. HIS name! I haven't done that in month! How come…that now I…I remember. Earlier. Month ago. How I cried. How I almost cried. Every sad thought, every lump in my throat, every sinking feeling comes back to me. I try to prevent the tear that is forming in my eye again from doing so, but without success.

"She doesn't. She…kind of said so herself."

And only when he says it like this I know the truth. Yes, it is true. I do miss him. But I can't just go to him and ask him to forgive me…I hurt him too much. And I still…can't afford to have the kind of relationship he wants to. I can't very well ask him to stay friends with me, either. That would only hurt him more.

But what can I do about it? Maybe…maybe I should just tell him how sorry I am. So that maybe, some day in the future, he will be able to forgive me. Maybe this way I at least won't feel so guilty anymore.

I will still miss him, of course, but there's no other way. I won't be that selfish. I won't force him to see me everyday and pretend. I may be selfish, only by apologizing to make myself feel better, but I'm not that cruel.

"Whatever." Gale's voice is suddenly cold again. He seems to have remembered what he really wanted. I don't blame him for forgetting it. This is something else Peeta managed with his words. "Believe whatever you want. But you leave this place now."

"Yes. I'm going to go." With that I hear his heavy foot steps making their way home.

I wait a bit, until I'm sure Gale is gone too until I leave the shadow of my tree. I decide to go home, too. The squirrel is hanging on my belt, forgotten. I go straight home. I can't face anyone today. But I promise myself to apologize in the next days.

There. I managed it again. To brake a deal I made with myself. Maybe I should have listened to the feeling that told me it would backfire when I made it…

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><p><strong>I was kinda surprised to see how you all thought she was going to talk to him. Have you forgotten how illegal it is to be out there? Yeah, I'll admit it, I didn't think of this until I started writing either:D I think this hurt Katniss more than anything they could have talked about...<strong>

**And if anyone wondered about Gale's behavior (duh, who am I kidding? I'm sure there WILL be a review telling me he's OOC. Here my answer: HE ISN'T!)...how it wasn't as mean as some of you may have expected...remember how Peeta and Gale interacted in the books? I want you to remember that they do NOT hate each other. They don't like each other either, because of Katniss, but...I don't think Gale is evil enough to...make Peeta feel THAT worse when he knows how he feels. Plus he said it himself: It's hard to hate Peeta. So...I don't think they'd be too...hateful. And I needed this conversation...I think you know why:D I know, I know, I've always said I hate Gale, and I'm never gonna say I like him but...when I started writing about him I grew to love WRITING ABOUT him. It's kinda addicting. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me, but Gale...before Mockingjay...he isn't exactly that bad.  
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**Oh god, I really hope you understood that...I don't...not really. Oh well:D  
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**What do you think about the chapter? I know it was kinda sad but...yeah, just tell me:D**

**REVIEW! Only 25 left till I have 200...;)  
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	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank you Aria-dancingdolphins15 _(I think 17-year-olds can be really in love. I think you can be really in love whenever you find the right one:D Sorry, that may sound foolish but...that's what I believe...)__, _DandelionOnFire _(Nah, you're not insane...I like writing it a lot, so either we're both insane or neither of us is...and I think I'm gonna stick to neither of us because I don't think you are:D And THANKS AGAIN!)_, ohmygawdpeeta _(Good:D That's what it was suppos__ed to be like and I always pray I don't srew everything up...)_, Takeiteasycharlie _(I don't really want to say I'm Team whoever, because this isn't Twilight. But otherwise I suppose the answer is kinda yes:) I don't like Gale because of this bomb...used to hate him)_, Kari _(Okkkk, HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? Did you somehow read my PMs...? Oh no, that's because of those 2 stories...phew...you can't know. Yes, or maybe no, because I have a MAJOR writer's block with the other one...oh well. I thought you knew about the one I'm writing for myself...:))_, InLoveWithPeeta _(He,he, thanks, but there surprisingly weren't any...:D)_, HungerGamesLover1020 _(he,he. You're happy about that;))_, theamazingtracy _(here's more:D)_, Tree Hugger 11 _(Oh yes, very true! He's so sexy;))_, CharmChaser _(yeah, well _Soldier_, you're not the only one seeing it this way:D And I'm sorry I made you cry...though I think that means I kind of made it seam real if you did...:D)_, BBree23 _(Thank you for saying that:D)_, Alexis _(I'm sorry I made you cry:D But I'm sooo glad you liked it:D)_, AngelsandTributes123_ (yeah, he kinda already knew it, didn't he? And what is he supposed to say, 'I send you to hell for kissing her...Come to think of it...I did it, too!':D Am I the only one thinking this isn't right? But seriously, if Katniss hadn't told him, he would have reacted differently...more like you said:D And thank you!)_, nodaybut2day7 _(oh, I have to apologize again! I'm sorry I made you cry:) And THANKS A LOT)_, boyywiththebread _(THANK YOU SO MUCH! You made me so happy! And I'm sorry you cried:))_ and Bucsfan37 _(Thanks:D And of course I do:D)__  
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**Ok. For some season no one thought Gale was OOC. And everyone was agreeing with me! That's a first:D Oh well, on with the story...**

**Disclaimer: Do I own the Hunger Games? No! Did we already know that? YES!**

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><p>Chapter 15 (can you believe it's already chapter 15?):<p>

There's this thing with thinking things and actually doing them. Thinking is not only a lot easier, more effortless and faster, but also a lot less…embarrassing? If I said that to anyone, it would come out the wrong way, I'm sure of it. But…I make myself vulnerable only with actions, never with thoughts.

What I dread is not making a fool out of myself. No, that's not the point. But I don't like making myself vulnerable. It makes me feel weak and if there's one thing I hate more than the Capitol, it's weakness. I just can't afford to be weak if I want to survive.

But then there's also the thing with the guilt. Another feeling I hate. And when these two feelings come together, it means absolute horror for me.

And that's how I'm feeling right now, while I'm wandering the meadow up and down. Guilty. And weak, too, for not doing what I wanted to do. It's even worse than when I just wanted to thank Peeta and swallow my pride. This time it's not only swallowing my pride. This time it's also…revealing how I feel. Guilty, sad and hurt. And even though it's not only my fault, I still feel like I am the one having to apologize. I kind of forced him to answer me.

There's that 'he' again. In the last week I caught myself still thinking of Peeta as he. And I always think it feels wrong, because I've moved on from that. I dropped that avoiding-him deal when I promised myself to talk to him, to apologize.

Yes, that's what happened. I thought. I promised. I didn't do it though. I am kind of afraid, I think. The problem is that I don't like being afraid. I don't like feeling vulnerable.

That's the way my thoughts were going for hours. Then, in a fit of self-confidence and because I told myself to do it, I managed to come out of my house and I somehow ended up at this meadow. Maybe my subconscious mind thought he would be here. After all, this is were it ended and it kind of felt like he would come here. And okay, maybe I just don't want to go over to the bakery to face his family. Especially his mother. And I don't want them to listen when I talk to Peeta either.

I stop walking up and down, since it has started driving me crazy, sit down and sigh. Why can't he just come here? It would be so much easier. But, as I've known that for years, life isn't easy. And this isn't even something my life depends on.

But still, when I think of Peeta, of talking to him, of staring into that blue eyes of his again, I feel a mixture of nervousness, guilt and, as much as I hate to admit it, longing. I've admitted to myself that I miss him, but accepting it is different though. After all this time denying I even know him, it isn't that easy for me. I've always been good at persuading myself something.

And now I have to fight not only that persuasion, but also the other three feelings. I groan, frustrated with myself. Come on Katniss, just go over to him and tell him you want to talk to him! How hard can it possibly be?

I rise, gaining confidence again. Yes, I can do this. I thanked him for the bread, too. Come to think of it, I managed to provide my family for six years. This apologize is nothing compared to that.

With that thought in my head, stuck there, since I won't let it escape, I make my way into town. There's no turning back now. I can't. I won't carry this guilt with me forever.

When I'm at the edge of the Seam I see something. More like someone. He immediately catches my attention, not only because he's the one I was looking for, but also because of his blond curls and light skin. They make it obvious that he isn't from here. That he is from town. Like Prim and my mother.

There are people here that actually care about that. Like Gale. There are also people in town that think we are not as much worth as they are. Like Peeta's mother. The witch. Those are the people Gale thinks of when he rants about the merchants. And he thinks of us being poorer, having to enter our names in the reaping ball more often.

Of course he's right, it isn't fair. But everyone living in district twelve knows one thing for sure: Life isn't fair. So we might as well live with that fact. Ranting about it won't help either way.

And it's not as though every merchant was smug and selfish. Madge isn't. Peeta. I almost laugh. Peeta and selfish. Those two words just don't sound right together.

And there he is, walking. This is possibly the best chance I have to talk to him. In school he's always surrounded by his friends and it isn't exactly the best place to talk, either. People would listen and gossip. And if there's one thing I don't need at the moment, it's gossip. This isn't the bakery either. So there's not even his family. And at the moment, I can't see anyone but him on this road. Yes, this is definitely the best time to talk to him.

So I once again gather all of my courage and force my legs to start moving and my feet to start walking. I would shout after him, but my mouth just doesn't open and even if it did, I doubt I would be able to form any coherent word, much less sentence, because I suddenly feel that lump in my throat again.

Watching him a week ago was a lot easier than this, because I had no intention of talking to him. But now every feeling the adrenalin made disappear for a short time reappears.

When I'm only one step behind him I try to say his name though, because I somehow have to get his attention. My voice is very quiet and I'm not sure if he was able to hear it, so I'm a bit startled when he turns around, a look of disbelieve on his face.

"Ka…Katniss?" When he says my name I see different emotions in his eyes. First happiness, then remembrance, then hurt. Hurt mixed confusion and something else. Something I don't know how to call. Maybe it is longing?

I think that my face must show something similar, only without confusion. "We…we need to talk." When I say those words his face suddenly becomes like a mask. It betrays no emotion anymore, it looks so…cold, empty. It doesn't fit. That's not how I remember it. It's not how it is supposed to be.

"Why?" Even his voice sounds empty, too, it matches his face. It sounds like it did it was before he and Gale talked, when I saw him on the clearing. No, I can't think about that day right now. I need a steady voice. Well, as steady as possible.

"Because…because I made a mistake!" I stutter again. This is not how I planned it. Peeta isn't as…easy to convince to talk to me as I thought. He is colder, I've never seen him this way before. I didn't even think he could be like this.

"A mistake? I thought it's clear what you're doing! You're avoiding me, I let you avoid me. You seemed to be pretty content with that!" He doesn't shout, but his voice is raised. He has a reason. I think I would be angry with myself, too. I understand him. I mean, first I ignore him for half a year and then I come, telling him I made a mistake.

But it hurts though. Hearing his pain, almost enduring it myself. Which, somehow, I am. I mean, he isn't the only one who remembers. Who feels this heavy heart, this…hole. This feeling as though something is missing and you can't replace it. That's what it feels for me at least. This and guilt.

"Peeta I…I know how angry you are. But…let me…I mean…I just want to…" I'm cut off by him, but I don't know what to say anyway. Why is it so hard to talk?

"No Katniss, you don't. You have no idea." This time, it's my time to cut him off. I know what he feels like. And even though he has every right to be angry with me, him telling me that I don't know makes me upset.

"I do! Don't you think I did…that I do…do think about you." I finish lamely. I was going to say care about you, but I can't. I can't demand from him to be my friend again. So I can't tell him I care about him. I miss him. But it would not be fair to tell him. And I have no idea how to do it either way. I'm not Peeta. Neither do I have his way with words, nor am I able to talk about my feelings.

"Yeah well, that's nice to know." His tone is sarcastic and that makes me angry. What happened to the kind boy I've come to know?

And then it hits me. Me. I am what happened to him. I broke his heart, I am the reason that his voice sounds hollow and that his eyes are empty. It's my fault and here I am, in the progress of fighting with him again because _I_ feel treated unfair. I'm a horrible person.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, all my anger faded. How could I be angry at him when it's all my fault? It isn't really a whisper, more like a breath of wind. Again I doubt he has heard it and again I'm surprised when he has.

"What?" This time, his voice isn't sarcastic or hurt or hollow. It's only confused. And taken aback. He didn't expect that. I nod, only to confirm that, yes, he heard right.

"I'm sorry." I say again, this time with more confidence. And I don't stop talking. "I'm sorry I run away that day. I probably shouldn't have, I think you were right, but I did. That was wrong and I know it. It's just that I can't. I can't do that. I can't return any feelings because I swore I'd never do that. And I'm confused Peeta! I don't…don't know what to think, what to feel. It's just that I'm not able to feel more. And…I don't know what I feel for you, I just…

What am I supposed to do? My father died and my mother…she's never been the same woman again. I was eleven when I became the head of my family, when I became what my father was, what my mother should have become after his death! Do you think I would want any other child to go through this? Do you think _I_would like to go through this? My mother isn't happy in her own little world, she lives in despair and pain. She's weak. I don't want to be weak. I can't afford to be weak. It would kill them.

And that's what those kind of feelings are. A weakness. It's just…" I would say more, but I'm cut off by him again.

"That's what you think? That it makes you weak? You think that is everything it does? Katniss, what about the good times? What about the good side of it? I don't know how I can make you understand, I…"

And then he seems to get an idea, because his whole face lits up in triumph. "Katniss, where do you draw your strength from?"

I don't know what this is supposed to mean, but I answer though. There is only one answer, the thing I'm most certain of and sometimes the only thing I'm certain of. "From Prim. And my father. Prim mustn't starve and if I don't do anything, she will. My father did it before me and I somehow think…that I would…kind of dump everything he worked for if I stopped providing them. That I would betray them. And…of course I don't want them to starve. They deserve to live."

He nods, but he doesn't seem too content with my answer. I don't understand why. I mean, I haven't talked to him for half a year and still I am giving him very personal answers. Answers that don't even have to do with me apologizing…or do they?

"Yes, but why do you think like that? What is the reason?"

"How do you mean that?" I don't understand. Still. What does he want me to say?

He sighs. "Katniss, what do you feel for them?"

And then, without thinking I answer: "I love them." He looks at me expectantly. For a moment I am confused, and then it clicks. Of course. I mentally curse myself. Not because it isn't true. No, because that's exactly what he wanted me to say. He's right, I do love them. I do love my father. Yes, do. Not did. And now it makes sense. They don't make me weak. They are a weakness, yes, but they also make me strong.

But then again, what would happen if something happened to my mother or Prim? It would destroy me. That's what I can't bear. Not even the thought.

"You see? You wouldn't be the strong person you are if you didn't love them. And they make you happy. When you think of your sister, do you feel weak?"

No. That's the honest answer to this. When I think of her, I feel strong, I feel protecting, I feel happy, because Prim makes me happy. With her innocence and her goodness. How she's always kind and friendly, never hating or with bad thoughts.

But I still have one argument left. "That's not the kind of feeling you want from me." Because he most certainly doesn't want a brother-sister relationship with me. He wants more and we both know it.

He surprises me again. He smiles. That's not what I expected, I expected him to look…yeah, what? Taken aback? Not really. But I didn't think he would smile.

"Better this than no you at all. Katniss I…I missed you. It's just not the same without you." What am I supposed to say now? I mean, I did miss him, too and of course there were quite a few things different but…if I say that now, that wouldn't come out right. So I decide to say nothing and wait for him to continue.

"I mean…would you mind being my…friend again?" Now I am taken aback. He is full of surprises today. And what would I give to take that offer? I mean, that would be way better than I imagined.

But it would also be selfish. I know it would hurt him. I know it couldn't be like before. He can't just shut his feeling out. And me…what do I feel?

Yes, what do I feel? In the last month, when I completely avoided him, I didn't allow myself to think about any feelings. And even though now doesn't seem to be the best moment, the thoughts do cross my mind. I mean, I do feel protected when he holds me. And even though my father held me too, I can't really compare it. And then the kiss of course. It's not like with Gale. I can't say I don't know if I felt something, because I know I did. What makes this whole thing not easier. Seeing him every day knowing that and knowing what I don't want.

"I…I don't know. I…don't want to hurt you and I don't want to hurt…" I trail off and stare at my feet. I can't continue talking. But I feel his eyes bore into my mind. How they try to understand. I just know he's looking at me and that makes me look up again. Look up and meet two blue eyes.

"Who? Who would you hurt?" His eyes lock with mine and he just stares for a second. Then he seems to find something and it shocks him. Well, not shock. But a mixture of surprise and confusion.

"Katniss…" He starts and trails off. I see him swallow. "Why would it hurt…" Again he seems not to be able to continue. He doesn't need to. We both know what he thinks. We both know it's right.

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><p><strong>Before I started writing I seriously had no idea what I was going to do. But I'm pretty content with the outcome, aren't you? My only comment to Peeta's behavior in the beginning of their conversation: Guys, he's human. To how he calmed: He's Peeta! He can't be mad at her when he knows her reasons...<br>**

**I'm sorry it took me longer to update, but my dad cut my WLAN-wire (the one connected with the battery). He actually thought it was wool. Don't ask, I have no idea how anyone could confuse that...:) The outcome was that I had no internet.  
><strong>

**Remember** **to leave me a REVIEW, because that is ****the best gift you can give an author:D So REVIEW!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thank you MissAriannaDark _(Not quite sure what to answer you...guess what, just read the chapter:D)_, yeeeitscarmen _(ha,ha, yeah, that's my dad:D Thanks:D)_, RandomRandoms14 _(I'm glad you like it:D)_, Takeiteasycharlie _(He,he:D Just read and you'll know:D)_, InLoveWithPeeta _(__I'm seriously spoiling too much...oh well:))_, summerrainstorm _(Thank you again)_, BBree23 _(:D Thanks a lot for saying that! Especially since you're such a great writer yourself:D)_, lori -fangirl _(he,he, thanks:D)_, Laniebanie _(THANK YOU! Seriously, you made me sooo happy:D)_, Kari _(ok:) And thank you:))_, CharmChaser _(yay, I'm a commander nowxD)_, ohmygawdpeeta _(yes, that makes him kind of more perfect...that he isn't perfect...Ok, I do not blame you if you think this doesn't make__ sense:D_, [reviewer without a name]_(potatoxD)_, HappyBlossom _(we all do, we all do:))_, Tree hugger11 _(*grin* He_,_he, thanks a lot:D You really make me happy:))_, AngelsandTributes123 _(A cactus! That's perfect! The perfect_ comparison:D), Bucsfan37 _(Who doesn't love drama? And I have no problem with you telling me it's good;D)_, nodaybut2day7 _(don't worry, I didn't plan on doing that, but I think Katniss would be a bit more open if it wasn't so...messed up with them. She never pretended, do you know what I mean? And there was no war, she isn't so broken...but it won't go that fast.)_, Alexis _(If I were Peeta I would be so mad at her, probably never forgive her. But I'm not Peeta, I'm more like Katniss, unforgiving. My problem: I can't quit remembering...)_, KissPeeta _(Aww, thanks:D)_, vivalajulia15 _(__THANK YOU! You have no idea how encouraging it is to read something like thisxD)_, aihpomila _(OMG! Oh god, oh god, NO! SORRY! Don't cry! You didn't get it right:D She's NOT dating Gale__! NOT! Oh god! Just...read the chapter and everything will be WAY less confusing:) And yes, Peeta does deserve someone better...he just doesn't want to...)_, bethespark _(No, it__'s not the end. You will know it's the end when I mark it 'complete'. And thank you:D Here's more for you to read:) And by the way, about my other story...writer's blog)_  
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**And (No, I didn't forget you:D How could I;)) DandelionOnFire! THANKS! You are my 200th reviewer! THANK YOUxD **

**200 REVIEWS=EXTREME HAPPINESS OF IAM97! I'M SOOO HAPPY! THANK YOU EVERYONE!  
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**Sooo, there were quite a few of you mentioning the ending of the last chapter and I just wanted to say: I'm sorry. It was kinda messed up...I didn't know what to write so I ended it this way...oh well, I THINK you'll have your questions answered this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Is my name Suzanne Collins? No. Do I own the Hunger Games? Still no.**

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><p>Chapter 16:<p>

My eyes widen. I'm shocked. My own thoughts shock me. I shake my head, neither wanting this kind of thoughts anymore, nor his eyes locked with mine. I mentally scold myself. How could I be that stupid? I know how his eyes, especially combined with his words, affect me. How could I make that mistake again?

"It wouldn't." I manage to get out. No it wouldn't, it couldn't, it mustn't. That's all there is to that, nothing else. I don't want it, so it isn't.

"Katniss if it would…" I cut him off, already feeling my anger come back.

"I said it wouldn't." I spit my words out, stubbornly, so he can't misunderstand me. "I just don't want to hurt you. That's everything."

He looks at me and from the corner of my eye I think I can see how he doubts my words. I refuse to look him in the eyes. Who knows what they would make me think and worse, say again? I can't afford to talk too much. Not with this blue orbs boring in my gray ones.

"Ok, Katniss, calm down." No, he does most definitely not believe me. Though his voice is soothing it is at the same time kind of…disbelieving. There is just no other word. Well, maybe a bit amused, too. But that could just be me.

"You will not hurt me, okay? If you don't want to be my friend then okay, I'll accept it. This way it would be at least a…I don't know how to call it. Better way to end everything. More...proper, you know. Without tension. I still want to be your friend, so just tell me now." I think about his words. Before I got sidetracked by other thoughts, but now I sincerely think about being Peeta's friend again.

I would still feel guilty, of course, because no matter what he says, it will hurt him. But the idea is also so tempting. Very tempting. I only need to think of that picture under the stars and the memory to realize just how much I want to take his offer. One free day to look forward to, one day where I don't have to do anything but wandering and watching. Just…how did Prim phrase it once…doing something just for fun. I missed those days and now…now I could have them again. I also missed Peeta's friendship, how he would always find a way to get me to relax.

And because I'm selfish and that's a human weaknesses, I decide to take his offer. "Ok."

I can see his whole face light up. But still, there is some part of him thinking, wondering if I said what he thinks I said. "Ok what?" And he looks at me with so much hope that I can't help but smile. For the first time today.

"Ok, we can be friends again." Now he really smiles. The smile that gives him dimples in his cheeks. This is it. The boy I missed, the boy I know. And even though I'm sure there is at least a bit of pain hidden inside him, I can't say I regret it.

"What are we going to do now? Go home and see what happens?" I ask. If I'm honest, I don't want to. But I don't know if he has something to do. I mean, I hunted extra long yesterday, so I was able to take today off. I thought this would take a lot longer. I assume I thought of Peeta more as like myself. That was a mistake. Peeta is nothing like myself. Well, stubborn maybe. That's where it ends. He is so much more forgiving than I am.

I suddenly realize how short my actual apology was. We somehow got sidetracked.

"Katniss?" I'm snapped out of my thoughts by Peeta, whose voice sounds concerned. Just wonderful. Now I got him to forgive me, to even be my friend again, and then I don't listen to him. When he answers a question I asked.

"I'm sorry." I tell him. I don't only mean that not listening, but he seems to get it that way, because before I can continue he's talking again.

"I said that it depends on you. If you have time, we could…" He's searching for something to do. Then some idea comes to him, one that makes me once again forget my urge to give him a real, full apology. "…Remember that night? Out in the woods?"

Oh, I do remember. Especially after another day out there and a beautiful picture. But of course I can't tell him that. Who knows what he would think if I told him that I was out there. Even though he is one of the calmest persons on this earth, I think he would be very upset with me.

Of course I don't say any of that. Instead my simple answer is: "Yeah."

He smiles. "Remember what we talked about?"

Oh. Now I know what he's getting at. Of course. "NO!" I try to make it sound terrified and kind of defensive, but it comes out more as a mixture of amusement and curiosity. Curiosity if he really means it.

Teaching me how to draw. I shudder. No. There's definitely no way I'm going to be an artist. I can't do that, drawing was never something I was able to do. My dad knew how to draw, yes, and he gave that talent to Prim. Even though neither of them would be able to paint like Peeta does, they at least could manage to draw something worth being compared to Peeta's. Mine would be called a piece of very uncreative mixture of colors.

Peeta chuckles. I glare at him, though it's halfhearted. "Come on Katniss. I can teach you. Really. It's not that hard."

"It is! And…" I need a new argument. Right now. Because otherwise he is going to win this one. This is one of the few things he and Prim don't have in common. He is actually able to win an argument with me. But then I remember something. A real argument which must make even him hesitant.

"Peeta it would cost something. Those pencils aren't cheap and we both know it. I can't use them if I don't pay for them and I can't afford to pay anything."

He sighs. I was right, this is actually a good argument. "Is this about you owing me again? Katniss, you don't owe me anything and you won't if I tell you to use my pencils. Come on."

But I still hesitate. No matter what he says, I do owe him and I will owe him. If only we could do something useful with his paintings. If only he could teach me and not waste time, because that's what it is. No one could teach me and that's just the way it is. There are some things I can't learn. And won't, because what would I do with it. There's nothing I could…

There is something. There actually is something I could use his talent for drawing for. Where he could maybe teach me something about it. Yes, there is something I've wanted to do for a long time.

"The book!", I say. Peeta gives me a confused look. Of course he has no idea what I'm talking about. So I decide to explain.

"We have a family book at home. It's old, the pages already yellow. A ancestor of my mother started writing it and since then there was always anyone to continue, always anyone who had knowledge of plants and what to use them for. It helped me survive, because my father wrote which plants, vegetables and fruits are edible and which aren't. But there are still things that aren't in this book and…I want to add them."

Peeta still looks confused. "Okay, I mean, that's a great idea, really, but what do you need me for?" Oh. Right. It isn't as obvious as I thought, but that's probably because he can't read my mind…most of the time. It might also be the fact that he doesn't know as much about plants as I do.

"Well, as you pointed out, I can't draw. Have you any idea how dangerous it can be to confuse plants? What if you thought you ate a blueberry and it was a poisonous one? Whatever plant it is, every leaf and every flower has to look exactly like the real one. Every color and every shape. And I obviously can't draw like this?"

Now he isn't confused anymore, but somehow doubtful. I don't know why though. I mean, it's an useful idea, after all. And his skills are good enough.

"Katniss, I want to teach you to draw. You know, flowers are not very easy. In fact, it's one of the most difficult choices. We can do that, if you want. It really does sound very good. And I'm sure people could need your knowledge some day. But…for drawing lessons…"

Oh. He's really determined to get me to draw. And of course he's right, flowers aren't easy. But this book would be the perfect thing for us to do. We could wander again and I could show him what he has to draw. I could write. It just seems so fitting, like something we could both use our knowledge and talent.

"Yeah well…we can start with something easy. I could…make a sketch." He seems to think about it, his eyebrows raised.

"Ok. But how? I mean, will you describe them? Or how do I draw the flowers I don't know?" I grin. I knew he would agree eventually.

"I'll show you." I tell him. "We go out there every month. You can draw them when we find them. It's easier for you and for me, too. And this way we could actually do something useful with me drawing."

Now he actually laughs, no confusion on his face anymore. "You can't be that bad Katniss. And who says you drawing isn't useful otherwise?"

What? What is that supposed to mean? How could it be useful otherwise? It doesn't make sense. Not at all. I mean, even to him, how would it be? If he lived in the Capitol then maybe he would be able to make this his job. Becoming an artist. Here his only option is becoming a baker. It is a shame, really. He could paint so much better if only he had the right equipment.

But where we live there is no chance for him to be successful with painting. And if not for earning money, for what could he use it?

But I don't ask that. I remember the last time I asked him about strange things he said and I especially remember the outcome. Now that we talk again I don't want to ruin it.

"But that still doesn't answer my first question." What? What first question? I try to recall our conversation, but the only question I remember I didn't answer, at least not the way that he believed me, is the answer hw will not get in any other way. I hope he is not talking about that, because I already feel that lump forming in my throat.

"What are you talking about?" He gives me a strange look, probably because of the worry in my voice. The lump goes away. His expression tells me there is nothing to be worried about. I let out a breath.

"About you having time?" He says, though it comes out as a question. "What did you think I was talking about?"

"Nothing." I answer, before he has even finished his sentence. Then I realize what that sounds like. It sounds as though there was something I'm not telling him. Ok, there is. I don't want to bring that up would only make things complicated and I hate complication. I just want this to be like before. Or at least close to it, because I know now.

And because of that, I tell him: "I mean, I thought that was what you were asking. I just…" I trail off. Gale is right, I really am a bad liar. And I should start thinking before I talk.

"Katniss, you know that you're a bad liar, don't you?" Can he somehow read my mind? No, that's not possible, otherwise he wouldn't be asking.

"I'm not lying!" I say, but I know it's too late. Just like always.

"How come I don't believe you Katniss?" Now this is getting irritating. And harder, for me, to find answers. So I decide to just change the topic. I answer his real question.

"Yes. I mean, I do have time. We can go right now." I smile. I know I confused him and he gives me that look again from the side, trying to figure me out. Trying to make me look him in the eyes. But there's no way I'm doing that. I don't trust myself when I look into them.

So I stare straight forward, not daring to turn my head.

He continues watching me for a while, until he finally decides to talk again. "Where are we going?"

I look at the ground. I hadn't realized we were walking, but it only takes me a few seconds to figure out where my feet are dragging me.

"We're heading to my house. After all, I have to go get that book." He now looks surprised.

"Today?" What was he thinking? He asks me if I have times, I answer yes and…oh well, I assume I don't have to understand that.

"Yes, today, right now actually. I have wanted to do this for a long time, you know?"

"Why haven't you told me before? I mean, we went out there for…about a half year? I drew lots of flowers. We could have done that back then, too, you know?"

He's right. But back then, I didn't need an excuse so that he wouldn't make me draw.

"I don't know. I was not thinking about it." That's not a lie. I didn't think of it. But he doesn't need to know about the drawing thing. This conversation seems to have distracted him from his other question though I don't know if he has forgotten them. He is a better actor then I am.

When we arrive at my house I tell him to wait a second and go inside, trying to remember where the book is.

"Hey Prim, have you seen our plant book?" I ask. I have to raise my voice, because even though our house has only three rooms it can be hard to understand when you're in one room and the person you're talking to in another.

Prim doesn't like shouting through the whole house, which is the reason that only seconds after that she comes through the door. "It should be in the cupboard. Why?"

Should I tell her? "Because I want to add some plants." Half of the truth. That's enough, I decide. She will know soon enough and I seriously don't want to explain now.

"Ok…" She looks at me with doubt while I'm searching the book. When I finally find it and pull it out she speaks again.

"Katniss, why are you smiling?" Her eyebrow is raised while she asks. I'm surprised. I didn't realize I was smiling and I can't tell her the reason because I don't know. I suppose I'm just happy about finding the book and finally getting the chance to immortalize my knowledge.

"No reason." I tell her, ignoring the strange look she gives me and make my way outside. "Bye!"

When I close the door and spot Peeta, he looks amused.

"What?" I ask.

He chuckles. "Do you always shout through the whole Seam when you want to talk to your sister?" I glare at him, but I don't answer. I know he's right.

"Shut up. Do you want to go now or have you anything else to say about me being too loud?" He tries to look afflicted, but his smirk doesn't fade. I sigh. Does every boy act like that? I suppose the answer is yes, because I know this behavior from Gale. But then again it's not as though I'm an expert in cause boys.

When we go out in the woods it takes us barely five minutes to find a plant that isn't already in the book. I don't know why, but it just confirms my thoughts about me needing to write something, too.

Peeta actually forces me to draw the outlines of the flower. Even though I think it's worse than bad, he tells me it's good for a beginner and tells me how to make it look real.

I have to admit that the theory sounds easy. However, actually doing it is a whole different matter. I just don't succeed in sketching the little hairs on the stalk. They're so thin and daintily that I give up after a few mintues, telling him it's not possible.

Of course he has to prove me wrong, take the pencil and somehow manage to let me see them without them seeming too big. When I stare at it in disbelieve he laughs and tells me it is indeed possible.

"I can see that!" I hiss, even though I know it isn't his fault. I just don't like not succeeding.

After a quarter-hour of discussing he finally gives in and draws the rest. I write everything I know about it down.

After that I thought he would give up trying to teach me. Wrong. I had to sketch every flower we found before he drew. He refused to draw before I had done something.

That's how the day went. That's how the next weeks went. Until…

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><p><strong>You<strong> **know, I fou****nd it kinda strange that NO ONE used this book idea before...but hey, their loss, my gain, huh?** **I mean****, it's fitting isn't it? And it's also perfect for what I plan on doing...;D**

**If you wondered how they didn't act as...careful as one may have assumed, do you remember Catching Fire? How they acted like nothing happened...well, almost. Yeah, just needed to say that in case some of you wondered...  
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**And by the way, if you still don't know who she meant last chapter (though I think I made it pretty obvious), she meant herself...Gale would be pretty...illogical?  
><strong>

**Ok, now I seriously need your opinion. Because it's important for me to know what you think:D **

**REVIEW!  
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	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Thank you SOOOO much Aria-dancingdolphins15 _(Thank you:D Here is your answer:D)_, Takeiteasycharlie _(Thanks. I did it because that's exactly how me and my brother communicate. And I know other siblings that do it too, so I thought...why should Katniss and Prim be different?)_, Kari _(yeah, that wouldn't have worked...anyway, I'm writing two stories for mysef. I might post one {In memoriam}. It's the book they wrote about the characters that died...but at the moment I'm still writing about Prim...it's not easy. Yeah, that and a little bit of real plot, but it's more like just the book. The other one will be posted when I'm done with this story {and sequel}. I need much time for it and it must have my full attention when I decide to post it. And thanks:D), _DandelionOnFire _(__Good thing I wrote a PM...this would have been SO much:D Thanks again!)_, InLoveWithPeeta_ (ha,ha,_ _thanks:D)_, moka000_(Yeah well...we all do;))_, ohmygawdpeeta _(here's the update:D)_, HungerGamesLover1020, Bucsfan37 _(ha,ha, ok:D)_, bethespark _(Awww THANK YOU!_ _Yeah, we all love him;))_, BBree23 _(You're welcome:))_, ThexBoyxWithxThexBread_(I'm glad you think so:D)_, yeeeitscarmen _(Thanks:) Even though the book idea is Suzanne Collins', so actually she should get your compliment;))_, nodaybut2day7 _(Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. Some__times I don't know how to describe/write something. You have to remember that I don't write this in my native language. If you want to know how I write in German, I've written an one-shot...yeah...if you speak German, that is:) And thank you:D)_, Just me _(He, he, __THANK YOU! Of course I keep writing:D)_, CharmChaser, MissAriannaDark _(oook. Guess what, just keep reading. I think it will make sense eventually...And THANK YOUxD)_, aihpomila _(Thanks:D I'm glad you liked it...and didn't disown me;))_, RowebotRowe _(WOW_, THAT_ is a compliment! THANK YOUXD)_, Alexis _(Yes, that's a relief:D)_, star11365 _(THANK YOU! For saying that, I mean__xD)_, Aloha-Pinkly _(Thanks! You have no idea how much that means to mexD)_, HUngerGAmes1312 _(These are brilliant ideas, but when I saw your review the chapter was almost done and...:( BUT I want to use one in the next chapter...not exactly like you said, but the idea came from it:D)_, lucindamellark _(ha,ha, you did;))_  
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**AND HERE A SHOUT OUT TO 'Embracing-Immensity', WHO ACTUALLY REVIEWED EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER! THANK YOU!**

**And now: I made a time jump (again), but I think it was implied in the last chapter:D I have a few flashbacks for you to know what happened:D  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games**

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><p>Chapter 17:<p>

Until that day.

It's fall now, the leaves brown on the trees and there are also some that cover the ground. The sun is shining though and there are no clouds covering the blue sky. It's cold though. The temperature has sunken and I have to clutch my father's hunting jacket tightly to me. It's Saturday, my first free one in weeks, so I insisted in going out here with Peeta in order to work on the book.

Peeta. I look up at him and smile.

When Prim found out we are talking again it was an understatement to say she was happy. _"WHAT? So THAT is the reason your smile is so huge!"_ were her first words. She then hugged me, taking me by surprise. I didn't think that it was so important to her, but she beamed at me and the next time she saw Peeta she run up to him and throw herself at him, causing him to stumble and fall. I burst out laughing and had to clutch my stomach because of the confused expression on Peeta's face. Especially when he shot me that questioning look, which was answered by new laugher and he pretended to be hurt. After Prim and I had calmed down she explained to him why she had practically knocked him over.

Gale wasn't that happy. In fact, he wasn't happy at all. He glared and shouted at me again. _"Katniss, I thought we already had this discussion! He is not good for you!"_ At first I was surprised. Surprised and a little angry. What happened to 'she misses you'? That was what Gale had told Peeta on the clearing. I even opened my mouth to point that out, but in the last second it came to me that this was probably not the best argument. After all, I'm not supposed to know about their conversation. So I swallowed it and bore his bad mood until he didn't glare at me anymore. He only glares at Peeta, every time he sees him, but I'm not sure if he's really that angry with him. They didn't seem to hate each other. But then again, that was at a point of time where Peeta and I weren't talking. So does it really count?

I'm not sure if my mother noticed it, but she smiles at him whenever she sees him.

Peeta's words snap me out of my thoughts. "What kind of flower is this? Is it in the book already?"

I look at him, trying to find the flower he's referring to. He points at one, one with white petals and a yellow center. I immediately remember it, even though it isn't in the book. My father once pointed it out to me.

_"Katniss", he says. "Do you see this flower?" I look at him quizzically. Of course I do. It's right in front of me. So I nod, which makes him smile._

_"That's a camomile." Before he can continue I ask him: "Why are you showing me this one? It's not pretty. It's just white, nothing special!" He laughs and shakes his head. _

_"Yes Katniss, it is." He replies. _

_Before I can ask any further questions he begins to explain. "It isn't supposed to be here, you know. It's a not only a flower but also a herb. Before, when this place was still North America, it didn't grow here. It grew somewhere else, but this place has been destroyed just like everything else. Except Panem, of course. But there were people who bred them here, in so-called greenhouses. They say there are also greenhouses in the Capitol, but I don't know, since I've never been there._

_Anyway, when they were destroyed, along with everything else, the camomiles adapted themselves to their new environment. They grew and people learned how to use them. Your mother uses them a lot, too. It helps against stomach troubles and against inflammation. She makes tea out of it, so called camomiles-tea. It actually does help, it's what you drink every time your stomach hurts, you know."_

That's what he told me back then and when I remember it, I have to swallow. Peeta seems to notice, because he asks: "Is everything alright?"

For some reason I don't want to tell him that this plant reminds me of my father. He would only feel guilty, like he did when he brought up the jacket this day we first went out here.

So I nod. "Yeah, everything is fine, it just reminded me of the last time I was sick." I lie. He looks at me suspiciously, probably figuring I lied, but he's polite enough not to say anything about it.

"So it makes you feel sick?" Is his question instead.

This time, I actually laugh. No, this is the last plant to make one feel sick. "No. Actually, it's a herb. It's called camomile. It reminds me of being sick because I got tea with it as an ingredient as medicine."

Peeta nods. Of course he didn't know that. His mother isn't a healer and neither is his father. But he knows very much about bread, even bread from other districts. During the last Hunger Games, which he watched with us again, a tribute from district four was sent some bread. Peeta immediately told us what is different about it. How they bake it with more salt and sometimes in the form of a fish, because it's their district. Fishing. Everything there is salty.

In the same conversation he told us how much he would like to see the ocean once. Not in the television but in reality. I could see desire in his eyes, desire to see something outside of district twelve. I can't blame him. I, myself, would like to see the ocean. Of course I have gone swimming in the little lake in the forest, but I think it would be different on the coast of district four.

But, thanks to the Capitol, that wish will never come true. We are not allowed to visit other districts, not allowed to go anywhere but where we belong.

"Do you want to try it again?", he asks and because he must see my confused expression he adds: "Drawing it. This one isn't that hard."

I look at the flower again. I haven't considered drawing it before. Well, I haven't considered drawing anything before Peeta came along, actually. Last week he kind of gave up on trying to teach me, since I proved him right in what he said. I am no artist. At least I thought he had given up. But apparently, it was just a short break for me, because now he seems to be trying it again.

I look at him with doubt. "You know I can't draw. Or sketch. You've seen my pathetic tries." I smile at him. I don't like calling something I've done pathetic, but it's true.

He raises his eyebrow, trying to force me to look at him. More like look in his eyes. But I don't. I won't. I still haven't figured out what to do against this big blue orbs that make me say and think…things that shouldn't be thought or said.

He gives up after a few seconds, but he doesn't give up on talking. "Yeah…I thought I could help you this time?"

How? Hasn't he already done everything to help me? Hasn't he already told me the exact stoop to put the color and I somehow managed to mess it somewhat up though.

As I told him, I'm a lost cause.

He must see how confused I am, because he adds: "You know, I thought we could…try to do it like this."

And then he gives me the book and a pencil. He then opens the book and flips through it until he finds an empty page. Then, short hesitating, he takes my hand and makes the first green stroke.

I'm so surprised that I pull back and look at him in shock. I honestly didn't expect that. We haven't touched since…since the reaping a few weeks ago, I guess.

I was nervous again, but this time even more than before. It was my last year. But that also meant there were twenty-eight slips entered this time. Four more than in the last year. And then there also were Prim's three slips to worry about, as well as the ones for Rory, Vick and Peeta. It was his last year, too, so his name was entered seven times. I think. I'm not sure, because it was a hard winter and they may have needed the food…but no. I don't think so. He's a merchant, after all.

Anyway, I was worried and there was nothing to stop me from worrying. So Peeta did the same thing he did last year, the only thing that came to his mind I think, he took my hands and together we waited for the names to get called. Right after it was over and I realized we won't ever be reaped, won't ever have to go into the Hunger Games I hugged him. I was glad and relieved.

That resulted in my realizing what I was doing after a few seconds and a lot of muttered, embarrassed hems and refusing to look at one another. It was the first time we touched since that day and it was just the perfect reminder.

Other than that we managed to pretend nothing had ever happened between us. Except a few comments of Peeta that made me feel me guilty, because it were references to his feelings for me. Those that were more than friendship, those I couldn't, can't return.

They go as fast as they come, but every single one of them leaves me feeling more guilty. Only because I am so selfish he has to suffer.

Peeta's voice once again interrupts my thoughts. "OK, if you don't want to draw this way you don't have to. It was only an idea…"

I shake my head to clear it. He starts pulling his hand away but I stop him. He looks at me questioningly. "It's okay, I was just surprised, that's everything."

While saying it I realize that I am really okay with it. I mean, he's only trying to help me draw. There is no other way, that's a fact. And this is just friendship anyway. He knows how I think and he accepted it and it's not as though we hadn't held hands before. Neither is it as if it feels wrong. I mean, I've had this hand around mine so many times it just feels normal and good. It's warm and strong. And there isn't really a reason not to take his offer.

So I put my hand with his on top ever the page again and say: "Now teach me so we can get over with it. I want to write what I know, because I'm pretty sure I can do a better job on that." I turn around to grin at him, only to realize just how close his face is.

Before anything can happen though I quickly face the book again, feeling myself blushing. Perfect. Now I managed to make this awkward again. Great Katniss, really, I scold myself mentally.

Peeta clears his throat from behind me and then he starts talking as though nothing happened: "See, you just have to look at the plant in front of you. Can you see where the petals cast a shadow on the stalk? That's where you have to increase the pressure you put on the pencil a bit, so it gets darker."

He forces my hand to do exactly what he wants with his. His hand mimics his words.

"And now you do the same to every leaf shadowing the stalk. They also shadow each other. That's a bit more difficult, because now you have to start drawing them, too. You have to concentrate on every streak."

I watch as I see how the flower in front of me grows in the book. Because that's what it looks like. It's as though we were taking a photo, inch by inch, until we could puzzle the pieces together. My hand is practically doing nothing, just feeling, noticing when he increases the pressure and when he deceases it. But it happens so fast that I can barely register it, much less memorize it so I could do it myself. Well, I doubt I could do it myself even if I was able to memorize it.

"Now it comes to the most difficult part. The actual flower. You have to look how exactly they are positioned, if they are really just white or if there is even the slightest bit of yellow or beige mixed with it. What is it in this case?", he asks.

I was so mesmerized by him talking and the colors on the paper that it takes me a few seconds to notice he's talking to me.

"What? Oh yeah, um…" I glance at the petals, trying to find even the slightest hint of another color. But nothing. There's just a plain, innocent white.

"It's white." I tell him. "Nothing but white." When I say that I'm reminded of my previous life. It's as if I'm answering the question of a teacher, which I haven't done in years. School is wasting time, hunting time. But when my father was still alive I did listen and I did like it sometimes.

I wonder why he's doing this. I mean, why is he asking me like that?

"You may wonder why I'm asking you that." Am I sure he can't read my mind? But since I'm interested in the answer, I nod.

"Well, if I had just drawn it now, you wouldn't have paid attention to the details. And you should pay attention. Otherwise it won't succeed."

There's a tone in his voice, something that makes me wonder if he really means just the drawing with it. But then again, what else should he mean?

I just nod, signalizing him I understood. I mean, I did, but somehow, I didn't. I think that's something you can't understand without being an artist.

I feel his hand move, taking the pencil in my hand with it. Of course, that makes sense, I mean, we can't draw with green, but when he makes my hand take a yellow one, I'm confused.

"Why yellow? There is no yellow." I tell him again. Peeta just smiles.

"Yes, but I don't have white. And the page of the book is yellow, too. An older yellow, yes, but still. And you will think of a white plant when you only see the picture."

And with that he starts, once again explaining everything. But I don't listen. I listen to the birds singing, to the leaves rustling and to my own breath. Or his. I'm not so sure. But it's a lot easier to concentrate on the flower this way, how it's literally growing.

I don't realize how far I'm slipping away until I feel my back pressed against something warm and solid.

This of course, startles me and my eyes immediately grow wide and I shift, so there are a few inches separating us again. He does something I didn't expect him to. He chuckles.

I turn around again, this time not caring about how close his face is and ask: "What?"

He's grinning. "I don't mind, you know. You leaning against me, I mean." He tries to hide his amusement, but it's no use.

And I do something that probably isn't the best thing to do at the moment, especially with him being so close. I blush. I immediately drop my gaze to the ground, hoping he hasn't seen it.

Of course I have no such luck, I can literally feel him smirking.

"Relax Katniss, I was only joking." He's still amused I can tell, but he doesn't want me to hear it. I don't really know what to say or do, since I am in a position that makes it kind of hard to go away.

Peeta misinterprets my silence and says: "Ok, not funny. Come on, don't be mad at me."

When I look up again I see him smiling apologetically. I sigh. The truth is that I don't really want to fight with him. Not when we didn't talk for a half year. But then again I don't like being laughed at.

Though, his smile seems to be genuine and if I looked into his eyes I'm not sure what I would find. I think eyes that would match his smile, but I can't afford to look into them. I just can't.

"Ok." I finally say. After all, we have a not yet finished picture and I want to finish it. And write.

But he won't let me. "Katniss, I don't want to upset you again, but there's something I've noticed…a few seconds ago again and…I just would like to know." He swallows, his expression shows how concentrated he is. It makes me nervous. What would make him have this expression, so almost afraid to ask…or maybe…hear my answer? "Why do you never look me in the eyes?"

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><p><strong>Ha,ha, ok, who's planning on killing me now? Seriousl<strong>**y, I give you a cliffhanger, don't really answer it (believe me, it's more not answered, it's not only that last question, it's...Who says nothing else is gonna happen? When it rains, it pours;)) and then...there's a new onexD**

**But anyway, what do you think? Very bad? Bad? Good? Very good? Answer me with a REVIEW!**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thank you SOOOO much DandelionOnFire _(ha,ha, I hope your teacher won't read that...anyway, thanks!)_, MissAriannaDark _(yeah__, true:)And no, I've never imagined this...it's kinda_ _weird...:D)_, Embracing-Immensity _(yeah, you're right. She should to that. But she's Katniss;))_, Aria-dancingdolphins15 _(THANK YOU! I'm so happy about your review xD)_, LanieBanie _(Aww, thanks, I feel so_ _honored xD)_, LoveforMellark, Kari _(ha,ha, I know;))_, Emma Kellog _(OMG THANKS!_ _That was kinda one of the biggest compliments you could have given me xD)_, AngelsandTributes123 _(Not yet, but...there's something you will like...I think;))_, PerkyTurkeyBaby _(OMG! You're German! Finally someone from my country xD...anyway, it won't take them too long now...:D)_, InLoveWithPeeta _(Ha,ha, nah, you're not;) I say things like that, too, sometimes {says the girl who freaked out when she doung out lion king was gonna be in cinema again...in 3D;)})_,RowebotRowe _(THANKS! *squeal*! I'm so happy to hear that, it means a lot to me xD)_, lucindamellark _(now;))_, yeeeitscarmen _(Really? I don't like this tea so much...Either way, THANK YOU:D)_, Takeiteasycharlie _(Gale...__Gale will come back;))_, CharmChaser _(Yeah, that is a good answer_ _xD)_, Aloha-Pinkly _(Aww, thanks xD)_, HungerGamesLover1020 _(you're not the only one;))_, BBree23, ohmygawdpeeta_,_ RandomRandoms14 _(THANK YOU! You have no idea how much that means to me xD)_, EveryoneDeservesASecondChancd _(WOW, THANK YOU! I'm soooooo happy xD)_, _(ha,ha, that's enough xD Thank you!)_, nodaybut2day7 _(__Thanks:D I'm amazed you all like that idea xD)_, peeta-mellark4ever_,_ Bucsfan37_ (yeah, I would have loved that too;D)_, ThexBoyxWithxThexBread _(Soon enough?), _Anonymous _(THANK YOU! I'm glad you think so), _komal _(Wow. You almost brought me to tears with that review. I was so overwhelmed with happiness:D THANK YOU SO MUCH!)_, Bri bri _(Aww, thanks:D That means a lot to me:D)_, ImaGleek234 _(THANK YOU! And yes, I've written an one-shot, in German and English, it's the same one. You can find it on my profile:D I'm also co-writing a story with BBree23:D It's called 'Just A Dream':D)_, Alexis _(he,he, yeah, that was cute:))_, HUngerGAmes1312 _(ha,ha, here's the chapter:D)_, rosiekatira24 _(you're welcome;))_  
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**I'm SO glad you liked the last chapter, because I did, too. I don't think I enjoyed writing another one that much:D And I want to thank you for the reviews again! It's so amazing to read them, YOU'RE SO AMAZING, I love all of you (don't get that the wrong way;))xD**

**Sooo...I'm just gonna say I'm kinda addicted to flashbacks now...but this time it's only one...one I can't deny I like:D  
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**Disclaimer: I'm not Suzanne Collins, thus I don't own the Hunger Games.**

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><p>Chapter 18:<p>

_"Why do you never look me in the eyes?"_

To say I'm shocked would be an understatement. There were many things he could have asked. Questions that may have hurt me, questions about answers I don't know, questions about everything. Why did it have to be the question I don't want, and somehow can't, answer.

So I decide to lie. "I do. Sometimes." But I'm still avoiding his eyes. I know this can't end well.

Peeta gives me that look again. That look that's clearly implying that I'm not telling the truth. "Katniss, don't lie to me. You're doing it again and again and again. What is your problem?"

He doesn't ask the last question in a condescending tone, like other people probably would. It's pure curiosity, maybe concern.

I don't know what to answer though. I mean, I can't very well drop the subject now, can I? So I have to come up with an acceptable answer.

The truth? No. I don't even need to consider that. I mean, what would he think if I told him that it makes me think things I shouldn't? How would it come out? The problem is, what does it really mean? I think this whole answering business would be way easier if I could really answer this question. It's true, what I tell myself I mean. I know the effect those eyes have on me, when they lock with mine and try to read my thoughts. When I would suddenly tell him what I think, everything I think, when I can't lie.

That's one problem. When I'm looking someone in the eyes while lying he or she can immediately tell that I am not telling the truth. Gale can. Prim can. Even my mother can. Sometimes, like a few minutes ago, people that know me can also tell when I'm not looking them in the eyes.

But the real problem is that I'm not able to…I don't know. I'm not able to do something to myself, I don't have the control. It's distracted. Somehow, when I think about this, my thoughts go to a conversation I had with my mother once. It was years ago when I was ten, when my father was still alive and I didn't remember it until now.

_My father is out in the woods and I watch her looking at a ring on her finger, her wedding ring. She's smiling and even though I her eyes are fixed on the ring I can see that special emotion in it. That emotion she calls love._

_That thought makes me smile. I always thought my mother and my father are perfect for each other and I know they love each other and me and Prim. They tell us, they tell each other. But neither of them ever told me how they got to know each other. I know that my mother grew up in town and that my father was the son of a coal miner. It seems strange that they got married, because I have never seen another couple like them. Always merchant and merchant. Always coal miner and coal miner._

_So I ask: "Mother?" to get her attention. She is now looking at me. "How come you married Father?"_

_She gives me a smile, one of that kind she always gives father. "Because I love him."_

_But I shake my head. That's not what I mean. "No, I mean…how come you aren't like the others. I mean, you are a merchant's daughter."_

_She seems to know what I mean now. Because her face shows understanding, although her smile doesn't fade. "You mean why haven't I married a merchant?"_

_I nod. Yes, that's_ _what I tried to say._

_"Well, that's easy. The reason is still that I love your father. But Katniss…you're young. You may not understand that. Maybe, someday, you will. But I'll try to explain."_

_She stares into the distance as if trying to go back in time and begins with the story:  
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_"You see, when I was younger I thought like you do now. My parents told me it had to be that way. They told me marrying a merchant was the right, the only thing to do. And of course I believed them. I was young, like you are, and I thought that all a coal miner would do was making life worse for me. They had no money and some of them had the reputation that they tried to get a girl from town to get her money._

_So I lived in this beliefs for years. One day your father came to sell some herbs he gathered in the woods. My parents bought them and sometimes, when they weren't there, I bought them, too, and talked to your father a little. He was polite, not at all how I imagined people from the Seam to be. At first it were only a few comments, but over the time I grow to think differently about him, to talk about other things._

_He told me about the woods, he described them to me. I always liked hearing about them, about the herbs, about everything that could be done with them. How they could save lifes. But I was too afraid to go out there when he asked me._

_Over the time, I felt myself becoming more and more attached to him. It was…there was something that made me think about him, something that made me like him. I realized what I was doing though.. And that was when the doubts came, too._

_Was he really the guy he always pretended he was? Or did he indeed pretend? Was he one of those guys trying to get a merchant daughter? Was he what my father had told me to stay away from? Did he really like me? Or did he only like my money? Was I just his toy?_

_For a short period I tried to figure him out. If he really wanted more than friendship. And he did. I just knew it, I could see it in his eyes. I began distancing myself from him. I began telling myself that allowing that feeling would only hurt. That he would only have hurt me. That he would only have used me.  
><em>

_That was until that one day, that one day I heard him singing. It was…indescribable. You've heard your father sing. You know how beautiful his voice is. He sang with so much life and joy in his voice and…I knew he couldn't be a bad guy. Not with this voice. So I decided to talk to him again. I did and he sang for me again. That was when I realized what I had done. I had lied to myself. When I pretended he was a player, I had known that he wasn't. It was a lie I told myself so it wouldn't hurt me. But his voice opened my eyes, it helped me to see clear."_

Back then I didn't know what she meant. I was too young to understand, she had been right. But now this story seems different to me. More understandable. I don't know why that is though. But when I look at the blond boy sitting in front of me, a thought comes to my mind.

It reminds me of our story.

Of course, it's not only similarities. Her thoughts, her motives, her beliefs were different. But…somehow it does remind me of Peeta and me…in some strange way, a way I don't know how to think about. She grew to like him, but when he wanted more than friendship, she pushed him away.

Until he came with his voice. Until his talent made her talk to him. It was Peeta's talent, his words, that made me talk to him. Words he doesn't know I've heard. But I know they were. And…there is something that happens to me when he locks our eyes.

And with that memory, I have a suspicion what happens. Those blue orbs I avoided for so long don't allow me to lie to myself. What I don't know is what that means. And in some way it scares me. Because of my parents.

My parent's story ended with them getting married. Well, not really, but that's where it ended at the time she told me the story.

And that is exactly what I don't like. Not that my parents got married, no, but what that would say about Peeta and me. I mean, I can't get married. I knew it since I was eleven. Since I saw my mother break and go into depression. I knew I could never do that. And then there was also the danger of my children getting reaped. I could never bear watching them killing or worse, getting killed. That's just…I can't. And I will never be able at overcome that thought.

"Katniss" Peeta's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. "Katniss, what are you thinking about?"

He tilts my head up with his hand, so that I can't not look at his face.

"Look at me." The way he says it tells me that he doesn't mean his face or his body. He means his eyes. "Why is it so difficult for you?"

And with that words I give up. For some reason I don't know, I have to. I can't resist anymore. Maybe it's because of his eyes which I could feel boring into my scalp. Maybe it's that I want some answers, answers I didn't know I had questions about.

And when they lock with mine, I know it's the latter. Because they come immediately rushing into my mind.

What could, would happen? What would happen if I just ignored my mind? What would happen if I let go of my reservations? Is that what my mother questioned, too? What is this, this thing I'm feeling right now?

This question comes when I feel how warm his hand is on my chin, how it relaxes me and how I don't really want him to let go.

Why is it so foreign yet familiar? Why am I liking it so much? Why do I enjoy it when I shouldn't? Why do I know I'm not feeling this for the first time and more important, why can't I stop it? Are this the questions I was so afraid of? What's making me ask this? Why do his eyes have this effect on me?

They buzz through my brain like a swarm of bees would buzz through the forest at summer. The questions, I mean. To some, I can guess the answer. Some are answered by others. Those are indeed the questions I was so afraid of. And I do know why. Those are questions I wouldn't ask under normal circumstances. Because I shouldn't.

The problem is that looking into one's eyes shouldn't be an unusual incident. And usually, it isn't. But with Peeta's eyes it's different. Those blue orbs that let one look so deep into his soul. I know enough about him to know that his thoughts do exactly reflect that depth. I just don't know if I want to know. No, I don't know if I should know.

That's what makes him interesting, that's what makes him…I don't know…himself? That's what made me tell Prim I like him. That's what makes me like him. But…there's also this strange feeling I have now. That feeling that makes more questions surface.

Why does it feel so good to be with him? What is it that makes me blush? Why do I feel so warm right now? Why do I not know what to do about that feeling? And why am I curious? Curious to know more about it?

It's wrong and I know it. That's what makes the fact that I don't really care at the moment even more unbearable. It's as though my mind is fighting something, something I can't name.

My mind tells me that I can't, no, mustn't feel that thing. That I have to fight it, to ignore it. That it is forbidden.

But the other half ask why. Why is it forbidden? Why should it be forbidden when I like it? When it doesn't hurt me?

Not yet. It doesn't hurt me yet. But what would happen if I gave in? What if I had the same fate as my mother?

I don't know. I don't know what to think, to feel, to believe or to do anymore. That is the reason my answer to his question is:

"I don't know."

It's barely a whisper, but I know he has heard me. "Tell me what you think Katniss. Tell me, let me help you."

His eyes are almost begging me to do it. I don't know if I should.

I mean, those are my most private thoughts, thoughts that have nothing to do with anyone apart from myself. At least I think so. I mean, they are about him, but does that mean they're his business? What would he think, what would he say if he knew?

I may be inexperienced, I may know next to nothing about this, but even I do know what this would sound like. What I don't know if it is what it sounds like. I can't really say no.

I realize just how right my mother was. How right my suspicion was. That's what his eyes do. They don't let me lie. Not to anyone. Not even to myself.

This realization hits me with full force. I don't know what exactly it means, but I do know that I can't just ignore it. How much am I lying to myself? So much that I don't know what is a lie and what is reality? Have I stopped pretending completely when I started talking to him again or am I still pretending? Is that the reason my mother is smiling when she sees us together? Because she knows what I'm thinking?

"I'm…confused." Is everything I manage to get out. His expression shows me that he doesn't really know what I'm talking about.

"About what Katniss? What is bothering you so much? I don't know what I can do anymore! Talk to me!"

He sounds desperate. He really doesn't know what to do. I don't know, either. I would never have guessed that being his friend again would be so complicated. Well, actually, it wasn't. There were month in which nothing happened, no wrong thoughts, no wrong words. Until I looked into his eyes.

And there's some voice, the one that only comes when I do, that says: Until you allowed yourself to think about not lying.

I, my conscious me, doesn't know what that is supposed to mean. The other me thinks of the last time I looked into his eyes. It was the day I apologized, the day we became friends again. I think about myself getting hurt by becoming his friend again. I denied it when he asked, I denied it to myself, because I didn't know how I would get hurt.

But now I think that maybe some part of me had foreseen this, this confusion and this feeling of being torn. Torn between my mind and…and that something that overtook me when...there is only one moment that comes to my mind now. When we kissed.

For the first time ever, I allow myself to remember this moment. Really remember. When my mind was telling me to run away and this other part was telling me to stay. Yes, in the end I listened to my mind. Yes, in the end I did run away. But there were also that few seconds that were kind of stolen, that were forbidden.

The seconds in which we kissed.

And…running away…did I really? At that moment, yes, sure, I did, but I did also come back, in some way, didn't I? I came back as his friend and we stood friends, didn't we? I missed him when we didn't talk to each other.

So…what would happen if I kissed him now? That thought should shock me, I'm not supposed to think something like that, but at the moment I allow myself to consider it. For a moment I let my gaze wander to his lips, those lips I haven't looked at since then. That was because I could never see them the same way again. Never again as just the spot where his words came out.

Then my eyes go back to his, that show confusion, that surely have followed my eyes, but not my thoughts. Peeta doesn't know what to say, what to make of this. Just for once.

And just for once, I feel myself wishing to kiss him, to find our what it would do to me. Just to get my questions answered. Just because my mind kind of hopes that I won't feel anything and that I could just think that and won't ever have doubts again.

I feel myself turning fully around now, so I'm facing him. He still doesn't know what to make of it and I'm as clueless, but my body is moving on its own accord, which makes the long forgotten book fall off my lap.

And that's when I hear it. The shocked voice saying: "Katniss?"

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><p><strong>He,he, I know, that was evil. But...I couldn't. I was tempted, believe me. That was just Katniss being spontaneous. Kin<strong>**da. But nothing happened, so everything's alright. Ok. ALMOST everything...  
><strong>

**And I hope I answered the thing about the end of chapter 15...:D**

**Anyway, what do you think? REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!  
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	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Thank you SOOOO much Embracing-Immensity _(No she didn't. But believe me, I never get tired of hearing that:))_, DandelionOnFire _(I know xD You'll find out soon enough and I'll help you kill...whoever that was;))_, SaguineIncendium _(It's __kinda supposed to be that way;))_, lucindamellark _(__*grin* Feel hugged:D)_, teampeeta4ever _(__Nope. That's why I said nothing happened:))_, Takeiteasycharlie _(Thank you:D I'm always glad to hear that, cuz I don't want them to be OOC:D)_, [Reviewer without a name], yeeeitscarmen _(ha,ha:D You're SO right! But I couldn't;))_, ohmygawdpeeta _(No, she didn't:()_, Amanda332czx _(I'm sorry...I just needed to do that once-It was necessary to write every word for me and I'm sorry it got a bit boring...I'm glad you liked everything else:D)_, rosiekatira24 _(Yeah...maybe;))_, Kari _(Just to have __asked it...what would you do if it wasn't him?__)_, KMloveya, AngelsandTributes123 _(OMP? Ha,ha, I like that:D)_, BBree23 _(thanks:) __And here's your update:)_, Wordwielder _(It's kinda supposed to be like that;__D)_, Aloha-Pinkly _(He,he, t__hanks:D I'm happy to hear that:D)_, Aria-dancingdolphins15 _(It's pretty obvious_, _isn't it:D?)_, SilverLuna1997, HungerGamesLover1020 _(take your gun out;))_, Treehugger 11 _(I love, like in LOVE Josh. He's really amazing, __perfect. I do like Jennifer but...yeah, she's not perfect. She's sometimes just not **fierce** enough...And Liam...don't get me started. Sorry, but Gale is...NOT Liam:))_, mspacman1_(Don't worry, I am always glad to hear suggestions:D And I've thought about a beta, but I don't know who I could take...)_, nodaybut2day7 _(NO! Your poor computer hasn't done anything;))_, Bucsfan37 _(read and find out:))_, Purplicious Rose_,_ GleamOfAiedail_(thanks:) And about the other thing...that was when I didn't have my Microsoft to control that. Sorry, it's a mistake that happens...often.)_, girl0nfire _(JA! Ich hab ENDLICH eins in Deutsch! Ha,ha, echt, Ich hab mich tierisch gefreut:D Oh gott, mein slang:P Egal, ich hab mal darüber nachgedacht es auf 'ner deutschen Seite zu posten, hab aber echt keinen Bock {und keine Zeit} alles zu übersetzen. Außerdem hast du total recht, die Sache mit den Leuten in der Arena nervt...deshalb hab ich irgendwann nicht mehr auf Deutsch gelesen. Und ich hab keinen Account dort...aber wenn du Spaß dran hast, kannst du's übersetzen und posten. Kannst mir 'ne PM schicken, falls du das machen würdest:D)_, Rowebot Hatchling_(Wow...THANKS xD I'm sooooo happy about your review:D)_, kandykanes5150 _(OMG THANK YOUxD)_, StayingAlive223 _(N__ot at all! You don't need to be sorry, I'm SOOOOOO happy about your review! It really means a lot to me xD)_  
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**AAAAAAAAND Hibari! No. 300! Wohoo, I have 300 REVIEWS! HA! I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY! THANKS!  
><strong>

**Just because the question came up, no, they did not kiss. I thought I made that clear...sorry for confusion:)**

**And poor Gale! He got quite a few death threats! I see how much every single one of you loves him...:D  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: Surprise Surprise! I don't own the Hunger Games...**

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><p>Chapter 18:<p>

My eyes go wide in shock as I turn into the direction the voice was coming from. I don't need to seem him though. I've known him for too long. I know it just by hearing his voice.

Gale's voice.

One million thoughts run through my head. Mostly containing the guilt I'm feeling right now. Nothing happened, I didn't kiss Peeta, but I can imagine what this must have looked like though. I would like to scream out that it isn't what it looks like. But it is.

Maybe it's a good thing that Gale came. Maybe it's actually good that he interrupted me. I mean, if I had kissed Peeta it would have changed everything. I don't even know why my mind had those thoughts. I knew it was wrong, I knew what it would do. I knew I couldn't just kiss him to find out what I'm feeling. How could I even assume this would work? It would just have made everything complicated and Peeta would have ended up hurt again. And I don't want this.

"Katniss, would you explain this to me?" Gale spits the words out between gritted teeth. He has now overcome his shock and it is replaced by a mixture of anger and…betrayal? That's what it sounded like, at least.

But I also hear how he is keeping himself from shouting. I know that is going to happen soon enough though, because I can almost feel the daggers he's shooting at me and Peeta with his eyes.

"In privacy!" This time he glares only at Peeta. The phrase if looks could kill comes to my mind and I decide to answer quickly this time.

"Ok." I rise from where I was sitting, dangerously close to Peeta's lap, giving him a look that hopefully tells him not to follow and go over to Gale. His eyes are as cold as ice, grey like the snow that lies in district twelve in winter as they watch me coming closer. Grey because of the dust that covers everything.

Gale roughly grabs my wrist and even though I struggle to get free he won't let me. He's just too strong for me. He's also very fast, running. From our days out here I know that Peeta is fast, but not that fast. He hasn't run as much we have in his life. Every time he grabbed my hand to force me to run I outpaced him.

That means that, even if he tried, he wouldn't be able to follow us now. Not out here in the woods, not while Gale is upset like this. He drags me over to out meeting spot before he finally lets go. I have, however, no ability to get away. He has obstructed the only way with his body.

"Be a sport and TELL ME WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT!" Even though I was prepared for his anger I didn't expect him to shout like that. His rage is obvious, his teeth and hands are clenched and there's this expression on this face. I've only seen it once before. It was after I told him about the kiss.

"Gale…it's…." He cuts me off before I can say anything else. But then again, I don't really know what to say, so maybe it's better.

"Oh, guess what, just DON'T! You told me he was your _friend_ again." Now I feel my shock fading and my mind and anger taking over.

"He _is_ my friend!" I know he wanted to say more, but at the moment I really don't care. I can do it, too. Cut him off, I mean.

"Yeah, right." He retorts. His voice is dripping with sarcasm. "Because that looked so much like_ friendship_!" He hisses the word friendship, as if he doesn't believe it. And, to admit it, I know how it must have looked to him. How it would have looked to anyone, really.

But at the moment it's not about reason or fairness inside my head. It's all about him and his tone, implying I have done nothing but to lie to him.

"Katniss, do you think I'm _STUPID_? Do you think I feel better when you_ lie _to me?" He's losing it and I know it. I'm sure whatever I'll say now will earn me a sharp retort. But I can't hold it back.

"LIE? I did NOT lie to you! There is NOTHING GOING ON, OKAY?" At the end of the sentence I scream. I just can't stand being called a liar when I'm not. At least not at the moment.

"YEAH? OF COURSE, THAT'S WHY YOU WERE THROWING YOURSELF AT HIM!" Yes, he must have definitely lost it. Otherwise he would never say something like that.

I stare at him for a moment. I can't believe what I just heard, what he just said, even though, given the circumstances, he might have a reason to think like that. But no anger, no reason in the world justifies it in my eyes. It would, maybe, if this wasn't my best friend. He knows I'm not like that.

"GALE! YOU…I'M NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL!" He gives me a look of…almost fury and says in a dangerously quiet voice:

"No. You weren't that kind of girl. Before your silly crush you were…" But I cut him off once again.

"HE'S _NOT_ MY CRUSH! I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH!" I don't care if what happened, or more like, didn't happen was my fault. I don't have a crush because I can't have a crush and that's all there is to it. I'm not like those other girls.

At my words his face and he seem to relax just the slightest bit. I think it's because of what I said, but when he talks again I notice it is not the way I thought it was.

"YOU REALLY DO BELIEVE THAT?" Not waiting for my answer he continues. "I wanted to go out here today, you mother had told me where you are. I have the day off and I…just wanted to surprise you. And what do I FIND? Yes, I did find you. IN _HIS_ ARMS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT LOOKED LIKE?"

Yes I know, but I don't really want to. Because it brings me back to what happened and to my thoughts, thoughts I shouldn't have had. Silence passes between us while we both are lost in thoughts. Well, I am. He may just be trying to catch his breath.

Just when I'm about to say something I see an expression cross his face. Years of hunting together gave me the ability to read his face like a book. He remembers something. And this something seems to make his anger fade a bit and be replaced by…something else. Sadness? What remembrance would bring up sadness? When he starts talking again, I know it is. Because I can hear it. And because I know the story.

"You know, I once talked to him. To Mellark." I'm stunned. Yes, I know he did, after all, I heard them talk, I saw them. But I didn't think he would bring this up. I didn't think he would tell me.

"I found him out here. On a clearing. I asked him what he was doing. It was strange. I couldn't hate him. I wasn't able to hate him." He locks our eyes, as if wanting me not to miss any word. And even though I already know the words, I don't want to miss one.

"He told me he thought my life was better than his. He told me that was because we had family love. And then he said I was even luckier. Because of you."

When I heard those things back then, they didn't make sense to me. Peeta didn't say that was the reason Gale was happier, but in the end it was clear that they were talking about me. That was what made me realize that I missed Peeta. That was what made me talk to him.

"And I told him he was wrong. That you missed him. He denied it, but he couldn't hide the hope I saw in his eyes when I said it. That made me realize my mistake. I shouldn't have told him. Because what I knew would happen, did happen. Just a few weeks later you told me you were talking again. That you were friends."

While he talks my brain takes in the information. And I remember that day again, it's as though I was behind that tree again, once again listening to their conversation. I remember how I thought Gale remembered what he actually wanted when he was acting cold again. But obviously, how I find out month later, it wasn't.

But…is he right? I talked to Peeta. Not the other way around. Then again…the outcome is the same. It really were Gale's words that pushed me back to Peeta. Even if it wasn't the way he thought.

Gale sighs. "He was wrong. He's the lucky one."

And with that he takes a few steps back before he runs, vanishing between the trees, leaving me stunned.

What was that? It seemed so…so unlike Gale. Usually, when he's upset, there's nothing to stop him. He would yell until he doesn't know what to say anymore he just stomps off angrily.  
>But today he didn't. Instead he told me about a day I never knew would be important to me again. Never influence me again. Never cross my mind again.<p>

But my best friend has just proven me wrong. How come he remembered it in a fit of anger? How come he remembered it just when he was…

And then it hits me. Of course. The reason is obvious, even if only to people who know him as well as I do. And I think I know even better, because I would feel the same way.

Gale is blaming himself. For what happened and for…I don't know. Hurting himself with it? Kind of? That's exactly what I think I would do, except I haven't been in this situation before. But that's the only thing I can think of, the only thing that makes sense.

And what hurts me is that it isn't his fault. Not the way he thinks. Not at all. It's only my fault. My fault that he's hurt. My fault that he thinks it is his.

I realize I was wrong when I thought it were Gale's words that pushed me back. It weren't. It were Peeta's words, his tears. Tears I caused, tears I couldn't bear seeing. So in the end, it was all me.

I hate to think like that. I hate to know that I'm hurting people while doing things without thinking about them. By being impulsive. The only problem is that…I always end up hurting someone. Whether I use my brain or not, someone is going to end up hurt.

Because of me, me and me. I'm causing them pain. Not physically, no. Not yet anyway. But in another way, a way that stings in one's chest. The kind of sting I felt when I saw Peeta cry, the kind of thing I feel when I think about Gale being somewhere out there now, hunting his emotions away.

I don't know why they stick to me, why they don't realize they should turn away and let go. But then again, when I think about it, of course I do know.

They aren't me. They aren't the selfish man I am, they want me to be happy. Even if it means their suffering, they want me to be happy. It would hurt me if one of them left, if one of them wasn't in my life anymore. They can see it, they somehow seem to know it, so they always forgive me, always come back to me.

I want to scream now, scream that they should go away, should let go of me, should live their lives with someone that isn't constantly hurting them. That would make them more happy than I do.

There is just one thing standing in the way. It's the fact that I can't. I'm too selfish to let them go. I know I am. When I saw Peeta crying I came back to him, ignoring the fact that not doing anything would probably have been the best. For him, anyway. But no, I had to go get him back, just to make myself stop suffering, stop hurting. I am horrible.

When my father was still alive he used to say something. A phrase that seems fitting now. A fault confessed is half redressed. Ok, only half fitting. I confessed it to myself, but I have no idea how to 'redress' it. Because I know that running away from them isn't an option. Them meaning Peeta and Gale. No matter what I say they would always think it's their fault.

"KATNISS!" I'm snapped out of my thoughts by a voice shouting my name. The voice is followed by loud noises. Heavy steps. Peeta.

Quick now. I don't want him to find this place. It belongs to me and to Gale. Just us. And even though Gale already stood on the clearing, it still seems to belong to Peeta and me. And again, just us. I don't want Gale there again either.

The only question is: Where should I go now? To Peeta? Or away from him? What would it mean to run away from him? Again?

I don't have much time to decide, but my feet seem to know what they want to do. Once again my body takes over. And leads me in the direction of Peeta's voice.

"Katniss!" He exclaims when he sees me a few seconds later. He quickly rushes over to me and takes my hand. With his other hand he brushes a strand of hair from my face I hadn't realized was there.

I know that, after those thoughts I had a few minutes ago, I should shy away. But after my fight with Gale, I'm selfish enough not to. I don't want to upset Peeta, too. And even though I do feel guilty, although I'm not quite sure about what, I allow myself not to move.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes, of course." It's a lie, I know I'm not. Because of what Gale said. Because of what it left me thinking about.

But Peeta doesn't seem to notice, because he lets out a breath. Was he really that worried about me? He didn't think Gale would do something to me now, did he? Physically, I mean.

"You knew Gale wouldn't hurt me, didn't you?" I have to ask this question. The way I do it's clear that I'm talking about the physical kind of hurt. I don't expect Peeta to trust him, I wouldn't do that if I was him, either.

"No, of course not. I just…didn't want you to get hurt mentally. Not again. I know there's something bugging you, even if I don't know what it is. I thought that maybe it had something to do with Gale."

Something bugging me? I don't know what he means. Well, it's bugging me that I'm so selfish, I know how horrible I am. I wish I could change that, but I can't. That's just a fact.

"There's nothing. And even if, Gale wouldn't have anything to do with it." Peeta gives me a confused look.

"But it seemed as though there was…before, you know? When we were drawing. No, not really. Just before Gale came."

That's right. I remember. This torn feeling, this unawareness of what I was doing and thinking, that turmoil inside me. But I haven't told him and I haven't told him for a reason. Because, although I don't know if he does know what I was going to do before Gale came, telling him would probably destroy everything. And I simply don't want to loose him again.

"I was. But…it doesn't matter anymore." I tell him. It's a lie and I know it. I don't know if he does, but I assume it when he says:

"Katniss, you know you can talk to me, right?" I look at him, surprised. Does he think I don't trust him?

I am stunned by this question I just asked myself. _Do _I trust him? This shouldn't be something to think about, not after one year knowing each other, but somehow I have never thought about that before.

I search my mind for an answer, but that's not where I find it. Maybe I shouldn't have asked. It seems stupid, after all I'm out here with him. In those woods, the place I go when I want to feel free and save. He gave me the bread to help me survive. And, most importantly, when I thought he thinks I don't trust him I felt a strange thing. Almost like…contempt? Not really, but that's the closest word I know to describe it.

But it felt wrong, I knew I do trust him. To some point, at least, and that's enough.

"Yeah, I know." Is my answer. But, in this case, it's better not to tell him.

I simply can't tell him that I was about to kiss him. It would only make me even worse than I already am. Because that may get his hopes up. His hopes for more than friendship. Hopes I can't make come true.

Neither for him nor for anyone. So it's better he doesn't even know. Maybe he doesn't even have a suspicion.

I cling to that hope. And for a few more weeks, he actually lets me cling to it. He doesn't bring it up again. I think he has forgotten. I almost have forgotten.

But then fate reminds me that the odds are not in my favor when it comes to hope.

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><p><strong>Ok...WHO HAS SEEN THE NEW TRAILER? Oh god, it's so amazing!<strong>

**And now: What do you think about that chapter? I think you should tell me:) And how do you do that?**

**REVIEW!  
><strong>


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: A BIG thank you to Kiss Peeta _(GAH! I'M SORRY! I didn't see your review for chapter 18 before I updated! So a double thanks for you:))_, Embracing-Immensity _(Oh yes, I do. I could have killed her __after I made her run away...;))_, DandelionOnFire _(I was never planning on doing that:D)_, mau4hits _(Really? Would you mind telling me what songs or pictures?)_, Kari _(Ha,ha, I k__now. BUT it had to be there, you understand that, don't you? :D)_, BBree23 _(He_'s _Gale;))_, Takeiteasycharlie _(Yes, me too. Their friendship is ama_z_ing:))_, ohmygawdpeeta _(Even though I don't believe my story is perfect, thank you so much!)_, HappyBlossom _(I do, too. P__oor Gale:))_, Aria dancingdolphins15, [Reviewer without a name] _(Yeah...I know. She will, but just not yet. It wouldn't be good if she did:))_, RowebotRowe _(History of the story? He,__he, that's what I call a good excuse:D And thank you!)_, AngelsandTributes123 _(You really love Gale, don't you;D?)_, InLoveWithPeeta _(He,he I'm proud __I got the longest review you're ever gotten)_, kandykanes5150, mspacman1 _(Wow, thanks for 6 reviews:D)_, CelinaLG _(WOW! THANK YOU! And you want to learn Latin? Till you do, believe me, it's really hard:D)_, Gamnut7 _(Oh my god! I'm sorry I made you cry:D But THANK YOU SO MUCH__! I'm so happy about your review!)_, Tree Hugger 11_ (Yeah, it does:D)_, lucindamellark, nodaybut2day7 _(Yes, poor Gale:))_, StayingAlive223 _(OMG__! THANK YOU! I was so oberwhelmed when I read your review! THANKS!)_, jessbrown _(__Thanks for saying that! It means so much to me!)_, InLoveWithAFictionalCharacter 7 _(I know xD They're way too long:D And I have read your parody...I thought I left a review? Well obviously not, sorry for that:D I'm going to do that right after this chapter is_ up:)) and iheartpeeta _(he,he thanks:))_**

**Disclaimer: Ok, I think everyone knows it by now. I do not own the Hunger Games.**

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><p>Chapter 20:<p>

"…And then you give it the final stroke." He guides my hand to make one last, black stroke as a shadow behind a petal.

"There you have it! Who said you can't draw?"

I stare in awe at the picture in front of me. It really does look perfect. It's a different flower this time, a purple coneflower. In the book had already been one, but it was so pale that we could barely make it or what to use it for out. So Peeta got me to draw a new one and rewrite everything.

I have to admit it was easier this time, since there was already a picture where I could see it drawn. Still, I needed Peeta to help me because, whatever he may say, I cannot draw.

We haven't been able to work on the book much lately, since it's almost winder now and most of the flowers and herbs don't grow anymore. And, of course, there was also our average life getting in the way.

Not much has changed for me, except that I have more time for hunting, now that I don't have to waste this time sitting on a chair in our gray classroom, staring out of the window. Actually it's much better this way, especially since, because it's colder now, there are less animals and it gets harder to hunt.

And I need to hunt and feed my family, though they are pretty successful with their little healing-arrangement. Even if it's not nearly enough to feed us, together with the money I earn from hunting and Prim from milking her goat, we manage to get by. Well, scrape by, actually. But…maybe, when spring comes, it will get better again.

The real reason I don't see Peeta so much anymore is he and his work. Now that he's out of school his mother demands he works more than before. Especially after his second brother moved out and is now working not only in the bakery but in another store, too. So Peeta has to fill that space and can't get a day of once a week, like he did before. Today is an exception because his brother took his shift.

"I owed me for all the shifts I took to cover him when he went out with one of his girlfriends." Peeta had told me that after he surprisingly showed up at my door today.

"I do." That's my answer to his earlier question. "Come on Peeta, you drew the flower. I only…" He cuts me off.

"You helped me. Otherwise it wouldn't look as beautiful as it does." He insists.

I shake my head at his stubbornness, but inside I'm smiling. I like the way it is with Peeta now, without complications. He hasn't mentioned anything about our last day in the woods again and neither have I. We stay clear of those kind of things.

Although I have to admit that we didn't really have many opportunities to talk at all. After all, we only saw each other when I came to trade in the bakery and we only exchanged a few words, never really talked.

It's not like we did today either. We continued working on the book. It was different though, because we actually spent time together. Well, we still do. The only real conversation we had today was about the question if we should go in the woods or not. In the end we both agreed that it was too cold outside and that spending as little amount of time as possible in this cold was the best.

That made us end up in the bedroom of my small house, because it is the quietest here and we needed to concentrate on the drawing.

I turn around so I can face him. "No I didn't. Peeta, you need to realize that, no matter how hard you try, I will never be able to draw a flower."

He looks down at me with those blue eyes staring right into my gray ones and says: "You know that's not true. You just proved yourself wrong."

And he smiles, one of his breathtaking smiles that make my heart beat faster. One of those smiles that could convince me of everything.

"If you turned around now you would see a perfect flower. Stop underestimating yourself Katniss."

Before I say something stupid I pry my eyes away from his and tell him: "You did all of the work. I'm not underestimating myself. There are just things I can't do. Quite a few things, actually."

From the tone in his voice, I can tell he's still amused.

"Oh please. Give me an example. Apart from drawing, since you're apparently so bad at it."

I scowl. He's making fun of me and we both know it. I hate being made fun of, so I decide not to answer his question. At least not in the way he wants me to.

"Actually I think it would be easier to tell you the things I can do. Well, the thing. I'm only good at hunting." It's a statement, a true one.

Suddenly he grips my shoulders and forces me to look at him again. "Don't. Don't do this. Don't say this. That's not true."

I'm about to contradict, but he holds up a hand to stop my from doing so. And oddly enough, I actually do.

"You are good at raising Prim. You've practically been her mother since she was seven. And look at her now. She's a polite, nice, sweet, caring girl. Almost a young woman now. What do you think whose doing that is? What do you think to whom she's always looked up?"

Without waiting for my answer, he continues. "You Katniss. She's always looked up to you, you and you. And she's become nearly as strong as you are. In a different way, maybe, but believe me, she has. That's another thing you're good at. Being strong. I've never before met someone as strong as you.

You're also good at surviving. Only a few people would have managed to pull off what you did…and still do.

Your knowledge. It's amazing how much you know about plants, about herbs, about flowers. You know every single name. You know what they are for."

I cut him off. "Yeah, but none of those are talents like your talent with frosting and drawing. I don't have that kind of talent."

Even though I say that, I'm stunned. I hadn't thought he could come up with so many things. How he says that, it sounds as though he had done nothing but searched good things about me. And…with his choice of words they even seem to be true. And that when I'm actually not a good person. When I have no real talents besides archery.

But with what he says next he surprises me even more. Especially because he says it with this…faraway expression on his face. I wonder where that comes from.

"Even that's not true. You have a talent that is far better than my drawing skills. You can sing, Katniss."

For a moment all I can do is stare at him. Sing? How can I sing? How would he know? I haven't sung in…ages. Since the last time Prim was sick and got me to sing for her. But…I haven't sung in front of anyone else. Ever.

Well, if you don't count my father. But…that was in another life. That was when music played a role in my life. That was when I lived in a bubble of the illusion that my father would always be there to protect me from every harm. That was out in the woods. The last time I sung with my heart.

So…how could Peeta possibly know about that? Is he confusing me with my father?

"I…I don't know what you're talking about. How…you…there's no chance you've ever…" I trail off. It sounds so…strange. Those words.

"I did." He says quietly. "Believe me, you have a beautiful voice."

For some reason I'm blushing. It's so…so foreign to hear that. Especially since it seems so impossible that he's ever heard my voice. My singing voice.

"When did you…How come you know what my voice sounds like?" I ask. I can't stop myself. What else does this boy know about me? And more importantly, what do I not know about him?

"I heard you sing once. It's so long ago, I don't think you remember." His answer sounds evasive. Not straight to the point. Does he not want to tell me? And if that was the answer, why wouldn't he?

I remember his words from a few weeks ago. They are the perfect words to get him to answer me now.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" I ask.

He looks at me with a small smile. But there's also something else in his gaze. Doubt?

"Yeah, I know." He repeats my answer. But he doesn't drop it with that.

"But I also know that when I asked you the same question you didn't answer me. I also know you don't want to know when I heard you sing…or…more like…you won't like the reason I remember."

I barely get his last words. My mind stopped listening when he said that he knows about my…Can I call it a lie? Not really, I didn't lie…at least I think so. But…he knew I didn't tell him the truth. In fact, I told him nothing. But if he discovered that…does it mean he knows everything else, too?

"Unfortunately, you still haven't talked to me. About this…day. About your confusion. You're a bad liar Katniss, I saw that your were still confused. In your eyes."

Why does everyone keep saying that I can't lie? I think that fact would probably upset me, if it weren't for his other words. I don't know what to say. Or think, for that matter.

Should I tell him? Should I…actually tell him? Would it hurt if I told him something? Not the whole story, and certainly not that I almost kissed him, but…would it be better this way? Without lies?

I take a deep breath, trying to get myself to calm down a bit. So that I won't stutter and maybe, for once, find the right words. However unlikely that may be.

"You're right." I figured that would be the best start. Maybe I won't have to reveal too much this way. Hopefully.

"I…I am confused. You…you remember how you asked me about this thing with the eyes?"

He nods. "Of course. That's how it started, isn't it?"

"I guess. I mean…it's strange, you know? It…I don't know how to explain it."

Actually, I do know. Well, I know more than I say. But I noticed what it sounds like before the words go out. What would he think if I told him that locking eyes with him made me think things I shouldn't think? _Saying_ things I shouldn't? And normally wouldn't. How can I tell him he and those…those strange feelings confuse me?

I can't. But…I can't not, either. It's so difficult. What am I supposed to do? I don't know what to do in those situations. I never bothered learning anything about it. Which now, in the aftermath, seems to have been a mistake.

"Ok, you know what, try to describe it a bit. How about I ask you one question and you give me a honest answer? And then so on."

I think about it. This way it wouldn't be so hard, this way I would maybe know what to say, not stumble over any words. Yes, that could work. So I nod.

He locks our eyes once again and gives me a reassuring smile.

"You said it started with my eyes. So…what do you think right now?"

Where is he going with this? No, Katniss, don't question his intentions. You need a good answer. A honest answer. What do you think?

So I concentrate and let my thoughts wander wherever they may bring me. I'm aware there's a risk, although I'm not sure what exactly that risk is. What is the worst thing that could happen now?

Then I realize that is possibly the answer.

"I…I wonder what was at risk if I gave you honest answers." It sounds stupid, even to me, but it is the current answer.

He smiles again. "Nothing will happen. I don't bite. Don't worry. What else do you think?"

Come on Katniss, it can't be that hard. That's what I tell myself at least.

Just then one of the sun's rays happens to beam through the window in a different angle than before. It falls directly on his eyes, showing me how long his blond eyelashes, that are usually barely seeable, which is probably the reason I haven't noticed them before, are. They have this shade now that makes them seem golden.

"Your eyelashes." I whisper, before I can stop myself. I blush, hoping he hasn't heard it. But I know my luck.

He is stunned. "What about them?" The way he asks tells me that this isn't the question-answer kind I agreed to. Therefore I decide not to answer. I don't want to. I don't want those embarrassing answers I would have to give if I did.

He shakes his head. "Sorry. I…I think we need to change this…thing. This way…won't bring us anywhere. So…lets pretend we're back out in the woods. Back on that day. You hear the voices of the birds again. You hear how they sing. You feel the breeze that is blowing around you. Your feet are on the steady, in leaves covered ground and you look at me. Pretend that's the way things are. What did you think then?"

While he talks it's as though it's mesmerizing me. He is, once again, drawing a picture with his words. A picture that shows the past. That makes me remember. It's like that real drawing back on the clearing, the one showing the starts that covered the sky at night.

Only this time it's a different place, different circumstances.

"I remember uncertainty." I tell him. "I remember how I didn't know what could happen in the future. I remember…" I bite my lip.

I remember how I thought about my reservations, how I didn't know if they where the right thing to think. But I can't say that. That would lead to the question what reservations this are and that would lead to me having to admit that I…what I…really thought.

He gently touches my cheek with his index finger. For some reason this simple gesture makes me almost blush again. His hand feels so warm and nice and I know it shouldn't. "You remember...?", he urges me to go on.

"I…I don't know how to tell you. I…"

I take a deep breath again, trying to find the words I need to explain. Trying to push away this feeling from before.

"I'm not sure how to tell you. There are…things I always thought. And…I saw them in that way. But then…then you told me…some…no, you told me how you see your life. And…it was so different from my view. But that's not everything. You…sometimes, when I look into your eyes, I think different about things, too. And I don't know why. I can't explain it."

His eyes show confusion at my words, but there's also something else. Something I don't have a name for at the moment.

"What was this? Describe it."

If only I could Peeta. But... "I can't."

"That's not true." He tells me in a steady, convinced voice. It's a statement.

"Yes it is! Why would I lie?"

He smiles sadly. "I don't know. All I know is that…you may be confused, but you know more than you admit. Why not Katniss? What are those…whatever it is, what is this you can't admit? Is it something against me?"

That's what he thought? That I wouldn't answer because he did something? Something to upset me?

"NO!" It comes out louder than I wanted it to. "I mean, it's not you. It's...me."

He clearly isn't convinced. "But _what _about you? You said it isn't about me, but then...why is it so hard for you to tell me?" His gaze is…almost challenging.

"Just…because." I know it is a lame excuse, but I can't come up with something else. Because I can't answer. I doubt I'd even be able to answer.

He rolls his eyes. "You do know that this isn't a really convincing argument. Katniss, I'm not stupid. I don't know what it is, really, but I know there was a reason Gale was so upset when he saw us. And I also know it wasn't only because of the woods. I saw how shaken you were after you talked to him.

I thought I could just wait and maybe you'd tell me without me having to do anything but you…you didn't. You distanced yourself again, a bit. It may have been unconsciously, but you did.

What were you thinking, no wait…" He looks as though he remembers something and his eyes widen.

"Doing. You…you were going to do something when he came, weren't you? I…what…?

I need him to shut up. Right now. I can't listen anymore. I can't hear the words, the questions anymore. Can't bear what they're doing to me. That they're making the everthing come up again. The last seconds before we got interrupted. But I also can't answer. Not with words, at least. I'm not Peeta. I'm not good with words. I don't know what to say. There are no words. So I do the only other thing that comes to my mind.

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><p><strong>Ok...so...what is Katniss' favorite way to shut Peeta up, huh? Don't hesitate to tell me your guess:D<strong>

**REVIEW!**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: This time the thanks will be at the end of the chapter...The reason? Look above and then you will see this...this word! It says 'complete'. No, that isn't a mistake. This...this is indeed the last chapter:( It was the best and seriously, the only time to make the cut...  
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**BUT of course I hold my promise and you will get a sequel! The sequel to this story:DD So no, of course it's not over:D More information at the end of the chapter:D**

**A SHOUT OUT TO Emmy, WHO WAS MY 400th REVIEWER! OMG, I NEVER THOUGHT THIS STORY WOULD GET SO MANY REVIEWS!**

**Btw, I'm sorry! I wanted to update yesterday. but I couldn't sign in:(  
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**Disclaimer: No, I don't own the Hunger Games**

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><p>Chapter 21:<p>

Without further thinking I lean forward and press my lips to Peeta's. One second they're still moving, since he was talking, in the next they freeze.

The kiss isn't like the one we shared on the meadow. It's different, although not in a bad way. Because this time, I know what I'm doing. At least I think so.

That is until he starts kissing me back and my head starts spinning. And I can't form a clear thought anymore.

I'm vaguely aware of myself gripping his shoulders so I don't fall over, which is bringing me even closer to him. I feel that curious thing again, this warmth in my chest. A feeling that makes me want more kisses.

So, when he attempts talking again, I don't let him. I don't know what that is, I don't know what this means, I only know that I don't want to stop.

But then Peeta won't let me win. He pulls away. His face looks…hurt? Why would it look hurt? I…

In this very moment it hits me. Of course. He thinks I'm going to run away again.

"Why are you doing this Katniss?"

I bite my lip. "I don't know."

He gives me a sad smile and moves a bit away from me. "Are you going to run away now?"

I freeze. So I was right. My thoughts were just confirmed by his words. But the answer to this question, I do know. "No."

His gaze is still doubtful. "Why not? You did last time."

I sigh. Why has he be so hard to convince? Then again, I really shouldn't be the one complaining. He wasn't the one avoiding me for six month.

It was me that hurt him and caused him to ask those questions. And I know why he wouldn't want to go through that again. And I don't want that either. Neither for him nor for me.

"Because…because _I_ kissed _you_." I don't know why, but I find it hard to say the word 'kiss'. I realize I've never said it loud before. And…the meaning of it in this sentence isn't helpful either. It's as though I'm crossing some line. Or more like…maybe breaking said line. Not only with the words, but also with the action it describes.

"Does it make a difference?" For some reason his words now upset me. I mean, what did I just tell him?

"Yes it does!" My indignation is obvious in my voice. "I'm still here, aren't I? Or…do you _want_ me to run away?"

I know he doesn't, probably more than anyone else, but that's what my anger asks.

And it seems to work. He looks stunned and shocked. He swallows before rushing to answer: "No Katniss, of course I don't. It's just…do you know how I'm feeling right now?"

Now it's my turn to swallow. _Do _I know? He's still in shock and confused, this much I can see from his expression. But…for some reason I don't know I think there is more.

"A bit." I tell him. It's obvious that he is a bit disappointed by me failing to understand, but not really surprised. He just nods.

"I thought so." He says that in a hard voice, but then he sighs. "It's just I feel…I don't know how to call it. Betrayed. No, more like…kidded. It's so…I thought…" He takes a deep breath to calm himself down. And maybe to find the right words. Which is strange. He usually never fails to find them.

"You…you told me you couldn't…give me more than friendship. Well, not exactly, but that was what you were getting at. And then…then you just…out of nowhere…kiss me. I mean, what am I supposed to think now?"

His eyes are demanding an answer, although I know I don't have one. He has every right to be confused right now. How could he not be when even I don't understand? When I don't know how I feel about him. All I know is that there is…something. Something I don't have a name for.

"I don't know." I whisper. "I…I'm as confused as you are but…" I trail off, not knowing what to say.

He gives me a sad, defeated smile. "Maybe…maybe it would best if I left now. I mean, so you can figure it out."

In the few seconds my mind needs to comprehend the meaning of his words he has already risen and is about to take the first step. And when I grab his wrist to stop him and he turns around, surprised, this all seems like a déjà vu. Well, a déjà vu with reserved roles. I am Peeta. Peeta is me. Running away. And this time I'm not sure he'll come back.

"Don't!" No matter what exactly it is I'm feeling, I do know that I don't want him to leave. This may be a selfish act again, but I can't not.

He hesitantly sits down on the edge of my bed, but I don't let go of his wrist. I know he isn't convinced yet and I'm...almost…afraid that if I do, he will change his mind and go. "Why not?"

This time I can't tell he won't be content with an 'I don't know'. And this time, I actually do have an answer. "Because I don't leave. Because you told me you don't want me to leave. Because _I_ don't want _you_ to leave."

He looks at me with a…surprised expression, to say the least. "Isn't that enough reason?"

Now it's him avoiding my eyes. "Yes, but Katniss I…" But before he can say anymore, I cut him off.

"I know you don't want to…to get hurt." I have to swallow so I can say it. I don't want to think about what I did to him. What I'm doing to him.

"But…I'm not running, so why should you be?"

He sighs. "You're right. I'm just…what does that mean?" Now his eyes _do_ meet mine. And now I wish they wouldn't. I bite my lip again.

"I'm not sure. But…that doesn't mean I couldn't find out." Those words seem to be the best ones. They don't promise anything, but they don't say never, either.

He gives me a small smile. "Katniss?" He asks hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"Could I…you now…would it be okay if I kissed you? Just once?" I'm startled by his answer, but I don't shy away. Actually, I think it would only be fair. After I kissed him and confused him so much…he deserves it. And…okay, maybe because I want it a bit, too.

"Ok." It's not like earlier.

This time, there aren't any rushed movements. It isn't unplanned. It's his face slowly coming nearer, giving me time to change my mind, to back away. But when he's completely sure, when he knows I won't, he captures my lips with his.

This time it's a gentle, a soft kiss. And like he promised, only one. Though his lips linger a moment before he pulls back. And now there's a smile playing them.

I feel the corners of my mouth turn up, too.

"Thank you." He says.

Now I really smile. Why, I don't know. But I take his hand and say: "You're welcome."

Just then, in this very moment, the door bursts open. We both immediately turn our heads in the direction and I'm very glad whoever that is didn't come in a few seconds ago.

Only then I make out the small figure and the blond hair. Prim. Actually, a very out of breath Prim. With a very desperate look on her face. And not only desperate. Full of horror, too. She immediately runs over to us and throws her arms around me.

And before I'm even able to return her embrace she starts sobbing.

I'm shocked. Prim hasn't cried in a while and I'm completely unprepared for her sudden outburst, and taken aback by it. Especially since I don't know what happened. But I'm determined to find out what's made my little sister cry like this.

"Sshhh. Prim, Prim, what happened?" She tries to reply, but a new wave of sobs shakes her body.

I don't know how to react. I just rock her back and forth, patting her back and hair gently. Peeta is doing the same, and he's making shushing noises, telling her to calm down, that it'll be okay.

At those words she shakes her head violently. But since she still can't speak, it only makes me worry more. Not only about Prim now, but also about what might have happened. I mean, she isn't distraught like that for no reason.

What would upset her so much? Has anything happened to her? To mother? Those thoughts make me clutch her tighter to my body.

Suddenly she starts mumbling incoherent words, or more like chocking them out between sobs. I look up at Peeta, silently asking if he understands, or knows, anything. A shake of his head tells me he doesn't. And the helpless expression shows me that he doesn't know how to comfort Prim anymore. That he has no idea what to do.

And honestly, neither do I.

After a few minutes her she manages to make at least some of her words understandable.

"I…it…coal…fire…" And then new tears start streaming down her face and she can't continue.

The first thing I can concentrate on is coal. Has there been a mining accident again? I instantly see my father again, the one from the nightmares, being blown to bits. This time, together with Gale, who is working there. I feel myself paling, until I remember the next words.

If there had been an explosion, we would have heard the alarm. It's loud enough to startle the whole district and I can't have been that distracted. This is the one sound that pierces marrow and bone, the sound I heard on the worst day of my life. The day my father died.

But there was no alarm, and the fire wouldn't fit with a mining accident anyway. I'm almost relieved, but that only means something else, something horrible has happened. So…what could it be?

"Something's burning." Peeta's voice rips me out of my own thoughts. He has paled and is now looking me in the eyes. "Katniss, where are the largest amounts of coal in District twelve?"

Of course. Why didn't I think of it? That's what coal does. It burns. I search my mind. Where is much coal? Since the mines are ruled out it can be…

"Everywhere in the Seam." Suddenly my heart beats faster. What if it's someone I know? What if it is the Hawthorne's house?

Prim, who's snuffling now, nods.

"The house of someone?" I ask with urgency in my voice. "Anyone we know?"

At this, Prim shakes her head. "No…no, it's…Oh Katniss...it's...the Hob."

For a few seconds I'm speechless, my mind a jumble of thoughts, trying to get a grip on what she's just said. The Hob. Where I've traded for years. Where I've been sitting, talking and eating for hours.

"What?" I manage to choke the word out, although there's a lump in my throat. Suddenly I start coming up with one question after the other.

"Why? I mean, why now? Is anyone still inside? Are they injured people? Is it only the Hob or is it diffusing?"

"I…I'm not su…sure. Mother se…sent me home because…I…it was so dangerous a…and when I wan…wanted to stay she…she told me I…I'd help her mo..more if I just went and…told some people a…about it. So…she could…get some…help, you know? And I…I did a…and then I…I came here…and just…couldn't bear it anymore." She tells us, interrupted by hiccups. With that a fresh wave of sobs racks her body.

First I'm left staring at her in shock, then at Peeta. His eyes reflects the horror I'm feeling.

"I have to go." He tells me. "I have to go see if I can help. The flames…they have to be tamed. They need every help they can get. You stay here with Prim."

I know he's just worried about me, but he should know I can take care of myself. "No. I want to go, too. I want to help. Prim, you stay here. Or you can go over to the Hawthorns, I'm sure Hazelle won't send you away."

This makes her stop crying, although her nose is still running. "No. If the two of you go, I'll come, too."

"NO!" This time Peeta and I are of the same opinion. "Prim, you just cried your eyes out because of what you saw there. Plus it's dangerous. You're not going." I say. And I'm not going to accept anything else.

"Yes I am going! I'm old enough to make that decision myself. I…" She's cut off by Peeta.

"Prim, listen to your sister. She's right, it is too dangerous. She doesn't want anything to happen to you. And neither do I. Please, don't make us worry about more than necessary."

"But they're injured. They need me." She's got a point there. Sure, they've got our mother, but she can't treat everyone at the same time.

"You stay here. We'll send them to you." It's safer, even if it isn't the best solution. Prim seems to consider it for a second, then she nods.

"Fine. I have more cure here anyway." Now that she's thought of the injured, she seems to have gotten a grip on herself. Back is the strong young woman she's become. Always caring for others.

"And you." She points at the two of us. "Be careful, ok? I don't want to have to treat you." Her smile is only half-hearted, because I know she really doesn't want to. It isn't a joke.

"We will." I tell her and give her a kiss on the forehead. Peeta gives me a sad smile.

"I doesn't make any sense to tell you to stay, does it?" If the situation wasn't so serious I would have rolled my eyes.

"No, it doesn't. I'm going." And with that I grab his hand and drag him with me. Although he has a hard time keeping up with me, since I'm running full speed, he somehow does. Maybe he is, like me, driven by adrenaline.

I can see the flames after a few seconds. Well, not the flames, but the smoke. I can smell it, too and it makes the air thicker, makes it harder to breath. The closer we get the more my eyes start tearing. I can barely keep them open, but I do.

Until we reach the Hob. Or should I say, what once was the Hob. Because now there's only a gigantic fire, growing because of the coal that covered the floor of the building. This had to happen eventually. It's a miracle it hasn't burned down before.

And then I have to close my eyes for a second, because it's so bright. And the heat is too much for them. What started out as tearing isn't enough anymore. I need to close them, it's a reflex. But I also do because of everything I see happening around me.

There are people just running, running as fast as possible away from the building, the flames, their death. They are screaming, drowning the shouts of the people that are trying to help. They've built long lines where they transport buckets full of water, by taking it from the man on the left and giving it to the one on the right. That goes until the last one has gotten it, who throws the water into the flames. It does not extinguish it yet, but it checks the fire so it won't get greater.

I try to focus on them, not on the men with burns and blood coming from their wounds, those that are moaning in pain, some of them bending their bodies on the ground, some of them vomiting. Everywhere I look I see desperation. I don't recognize any face, but at the moment I don't care who is who.

"There!" I point at one shorter line, signalizing Peeta I want to go there, help them. Then I cough and choke, because I got too much of the smoke in my lungs.

Peeta just nods, pulls his shirt up to cover his mouth and goes over to fill one particular big space. I do the same, not knowing why I didn't get that idea myself and line up next to a man from the Seam.

He's sweating and only now do I notice the sweat that has started forming on my whole body. The heat is almost unbearable and I almost forget why I'm doing this, almost forget why I don't run away like others. But when I'm given the first bucket of water and see how the first man in the line throws it into the flames I know why I'm doing this. Why I have to endure this. I have to do this for everyone here, for the District and for Prim, who counts on me to come home relatively healthy, whom I want to be proud of me. Whom I want to live. And I know, if this fire gets out of check, the whole District will burn down.

I'm working like a machine, my mind focused on the bucket, and only the bucket, trying to block out the screams, screams of the fleeing and dying. I can't afford to think about them right now. Time to grief is later. Now all that counts is making sure the fire doesn't get out of control.

It seems like an eternity until there are finally enough people helping to actually extinguish the fire. Because only when the men from the mines arrive and start helping, there's finally enough fire gone to choke it with cloths.

With the fire not being so big anymore I can get the first glance at the scale of devastation. Everywhere are black remains of the old building, of the ground it was built on. Then I can see the first corpses and badly injured being carried away, those who have no chance of surviving. The slowly coming wind blows the scent for everyone to smell. And smell, I do.

The smell of ashes, death and destruction is in the air, but the smoke is slowly vanishing, so I get more air. My lungs are happy to be filled with fresh air again as I finally drop the bucket, because I can't bear it any longer, and move away from the place.

I'm inhaling and exhaling faster than I should, trying to get the venomous smoke out of my lungs. I look at my aching hands for the first time. There are red marks where my hands gripped the bucket and I'm sure this will leave some scars. I'm glad I left Prim behind. She could have died, like some auxiliaries actually did. They gave their life for others. And even if not, they pay the prize.

Suddenly there's a something else again. A new horror coming to my mind. I haven't seen Peeta since we went to different points in the line. He's been more in the front, though he wasn't the one to throw the water. At first. But…could it be…?

I start pushing my way through the crowd that is now standing here, watching. Now that the danger is over people that were running before are coming back to gawk and make it harder to bring the injured to my mother and Prim. I've seen my mother while I was passing the water, but I was too busy to think more than 'She's alive' and be relieved.

I'm about to shout Peeta's name when I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around, startled. But then I let out something between a scream and a sigh of relief, because it is Peeta. Coughing, sweating and with the same marks at his hands as I, but alive. I throw my arms around him and hold him close to my body. His arms wrap around me and we stay there for a few minutes, just relieved to see each other living and more or less healthy. He also smells like me, has the same look of horror still printed on his face. I know it, even though it is buried in my hair.

When I look over his shoulder I see how the place slowly clears out until there are just a few left, those that choke the last little flame. Everything is black and hot and unnatural. Burned. The ashes are now evident on the ground and the last smoke is rising into the air. But it is only the Hob and I feel like I should be glad there weren't any other buildings catching fire, because that would have made everything harder.

But watching it, I feel the grief coming. Grief for the people that died ,for families that loved them. Grief for the place I knew so well, the place I liked so much, the place I spent countless hours. All that is left of it is the memory now, and a bad memory at the ending, because I'm sure I will never be able to forget the image of today. Never in my life.

No, the odds are never really in my favor. Knowing this, I can literally feel that there's a storm about to begin.

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><p><strong>Now first: My THANK YOUs to: Embracing-Immensity <em>(Hope you weren't disappointed:D)<em>, Takeiteasycharlie, SilentMockingjay, LanieBanie _(Did you dance;D)_, InLoveWithPeeta _(It is __weird, but I do, too, so...:D)_, AngelsandTributes123, SWPeetaxKatnissAvatarTLA _(Ha,ha, you're so right:D Punching him would've been an idea though:D)_, kandykanes5150, DandelionOnFire _(hmm...you know, I might actually hold you to that...thinking of a plot for me, I mean:D But in VERY distant future:))_, Gamnut7 _(OI MY GOSH! {yes, oi}! THANK_ _YOU!)_, InLoveWithAFictionalCharacter 7_(Sorry for always spelling your name wrong, but it cuts it out if I leave the 7 where it really is...:D And you're not the only one who's lost it...me too:D)_, Aria-dancingdolphins15 _(He,he, ok. Thanks:D)_, jvmassey _(thank__s:D What would you have done if she hadn't kissed him?)_, SilverLuna1997, ilovethehungergames, jessica, TwinkleLights123 _(yeah, that's what I thought of, too:D And I know it was obvious;))_, Aloha-Pinkly _(he,he,now you have your kiss:))_, StayingAlive223 _(You were right:D)_, Meg123, ohmygawdpeeta _(Wow, that were quite a few good ideas:D Personally, I would have slapped him:D Good thing I'm not Katniss;))_, BBree23 _(okay...I kind of bent over backwards to get this out yesterday...and then I couldn't sign in:( I''m SOOO sorry! HAPPY BIRTH__DAY! though. Even if it's a late one...:D), _Funkypurplerhino _(Good thing she didn't. I need my ears:D And thank you:DD That means a lot to me:D)_, Tree Hugger 11 _(he,he, yeah, __but it would've been funnyxD)_, rosiekatira24 _(I would punch him:) But I'm not K__atniss:))_, mspacman1 _(Hope you're happy with this:))_, kari _(Yeah well, that's true;))_, boyywiththebread, KMloveya _(Aww, THANK YOU! I mean, I'm sure it's far from perfect but if you think so, I'm happyXD)_, mau4hits _(Ha,ha, nice. That would've been an idea;) And yes, the songs are beautiful:D I always listen to songs while writing:D)_, CharmChaser _(YAY! You're back:D__)_, Ellfoy-Malana _(I know;D That's kinda what gave me the ideaxD)_, Anonymous, Lexyngton _(THANK YOU! Wow! I'm sooo happy:D)_, peetamellarkbuns, RowebotRowe _(yeah, I think twenty were enough, huh?),_ llamasareaboss _(Wow, THANK YOU!)_, Emmy _(Thank you for 3 reviews:DD I didn't think oneof them sounded mean though...don't worry:D)_, nodaybut2day7 _(THANK YOU!)_, Hunger Games FanaticD _(Aww, THANK_S _A BUNCH! I'm soooo happy:DD)_, lovell9927 _(He,he, I'm SOOO glad you think so! S__cratch that...I'm...there's no word! THANK YOU!)_  
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**Ok...that's it. Everyone who wants to can leave me a final review now and don't care about the rest I write (that's supposed to mean: Come on, you know you want to read more;) Don't you dare doing that! Ok, no, don't worry, just joking xD).**

**I think** **I should start with the name: So, the sequel is going to be called 'The Storm'. The reason...if I was you, I'd just read the last phrase again:D **

**It's going to be rated T again, this time a serious T. I think I gave you a taste of the reason for that in this chapter...I know it was sad and not as romantic as you probably wanted it to be. But it had to happen:( Yeah...'The Storm' will be about the rebellion, because Katniss can't truly be happy with the Capitol still existing **(And because I can't live without writing this)**. I've come to the **realization** that she, even though she kissed him and DIDN'T run away, needs the rebellion for a...realistic ending:) Full summary when it comes out:D I really hope to see all of you again! It'd make me so happy!**

**_NOW _REVIEW!  
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